I'm posting this because I am in some sort of self sabotaging, mental blocking, near panic inducing emotional state right now and I can not seem to get myself into a coherent state of mind. I literally wrote over 50,000 words on one single writing project last week in 6 days. Something that I have been excited to start and finally had all of my 'ducks in a row' so to speak. The project goal is to write somewhere around 80,000 words, but for some reason I froze in the middle. I guess I did end up getting horribly sick and that kept me from accomplishing anything for a few days, but STILL.
I was on a roll and the words were just flying out of me, I knew where I wanted the story to go, etc. and now... I've written, deleted and rewritten 3,000 words over and over for the last few days. I can NOT seem to get past this block. It is sending me into a weird state of mind where I am doubting myself in SO many ways (yay! ANXIETY!) and turning this block into an overpowering, mindnumbing complete and utter freak the fuck out kind of thing.
Now I can't seem to write anything. The more I try to go back to writing on my project, the more I stress out about it. I've decided to just let it go for the day. I am determined NOT to even attempt to write anything on it at all. I've been struggling to write anything at all today. I can't seem to do any of the fun challenges I'm seeing, I can't even get a freewrite out today! That is really bad.
That thought has been spinning me in vicious circles, thinking, "Well, what if I just can't finish ANYTHING?" and if I do, What makes me think that I could ever write anything that people would spend money on? I think start to draw in the external stress about money and start thinking that I should just kick ALL of this writing shit to the curb and go get a job making $9.00 an hour at the grocery store, because of course I haven't worked much outside of the house for over twenty years and few people put a value on being a stay at home mom when it comes to hiring you.
And that of course just spirals up and up into utter panic.
I'm wigging OUT man!
I have to find my chill. I am letting my emotions run away with me and I need to NOT do that. It's time to let it go for now. I tend to just take the hits of stress and tamp them down, because there are just so many things that I can't fix myself, that I have no control over. I have to rediscover my own 'center' I guess you could say, and I always feel like I'm drowning during times like this. I can't seem to focus or remember how to calm myself down. It's quite ridiculous in some ways, because I've been through this so many times in the past and I KNOW that looking back I'll say, "Gee, I wonder why I was so stressed out!?"
What are your DE-STRESS routines? How do you get a handle on it?
For me, right now, I'm going to grab a silly little romance novel and go soak in a hot bath with some calming essential oils.
I could really use some positive vibes.
hugs to you!!! I find laughter yoga helpful. It clears the mind and gets a completely different mindset going.
here is a schedule for on the phone sessions
http://www.laughteryogaonthephone.com/laughter-yoga-on-the-phone-schedule-for-free-calls-.html
As for writing - just keep going. don't stop, don't edit. You can throw it away later. keep going until you are through it. And that will happen!! And people want to pay for what you write...
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You might be surprised. I write EVERYTHING like a freewrite. I don't edit, I don't plan anything. Hell, I don't even know what's going to happen next... even during the 50,000 words! I think the problem might be that I started to think I knew what was going to happen next! :/ So yeah, I've been writing, but then deleting what I wrote every day, so I think it's time to take a step back for a few days.
I did take the evening/night off after writing this post, though. I had a long bath and just read a bit of a romance novel... and then I slept for about 14 hours. I stayed off of the internet/computer and just read and went to sleep. Socializing tends to stress me out sometimes as well, even online or even being around family. My husband offered to take our daughter to a movie last night and then I just had alone time until I went to bed. I'm hoping that this will maybe refresh my brain a bit! If nothing else, I'm going to just read this novel until it's finished and enjoy it or get inspired midway through and finally start writing :)
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Totally get what you are saying. And I am with you on the writing front. If I have plotted out a story - somehow, my writing gets really stilted.
And the alone time..... When I get stressed out, I used to hide in the bedroom and just read. Day, night, for a couple of days. Disappear into the world of a new author I might have discovered..... And come back refreshed to tackle my own life - and, I probably should be writing this from my personal account lol (mw)
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I understand what you are experiencing. I am going through something similar. Not the same, because I am not you.
I can't give you any specific advice. Something to (perhaps) bear in mind is that I see a lot of stuff about positive thinking and how great it is. See, the thing is, it certainly has a place. There are times, whatever path one is on, that doubts will creep in, and it is important that we don't give in to these doubts.
However, blinkered, evangelical positive thinking can lead one into a blind alley. Sometimes what we are doing isn't going to work, and I think every grown up has worked out that failure is a part of life. It's a vital part.
I am not suggesting for one second that you are on the wrong path! You are a terrific writer - really engaging and confident - and you have the talent to be a successful author - that's obvious.
I suppose I am just saying that all of us need to read the writing on the wall from time to time, whether we like it or not.
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I feel the same way about the positive thinking. I definitely agree that it can help and has a place, but sometimes the very fact that I can't wrap my brain around positive thoughts stresses me out even more! Having been raised in an evangelical church and gotten all the "you wouldn't be depressed if you just had more faith" and all that... it sometimes just makes me cringe to even hear anything related to it. However, I do believe that our thoughts can have an effect, it's just not always the way my brain wants to function.
I'm afraid I'm still not conveying my thoughts well, but hey, at least I'm writing something. Even if it is just semi-coherent replies to supportive comments!?
Thank you for the reality check nonetheless. I appreciate it.
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I am not sure I was trying to give you a reality check!
There is a terrific book by Derren Brown called "Happy":
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30142270-happy
He rallies against blinkered positive thinking, and encourages the reader to really consider the concept of happiness. It's a good read, and I would really recommend that anyone gives it a go. I think you might really like it.
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Thank you! I'll check it out! (and, btw, I didn't mean 'reality check' in any kind of bad way... but I had been feeling like I shouldn't be feeling so negative and kind of continuing the cycle by beating myself up about the whole 'positive thinking' thing, so your words helped take me out of that cycle for a moment. I really needed that!
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Ah, okay, I get you. I was a bit concerned that it looked like I was suggesting a certain course. It seems to me that both negative and positive thinking have their respective places - it's just about finding the balance. Which kind of sums up life!
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chucks an inflatable ring at you.
Oh maaaaan, writer's block on a large assignment is no fun. You're doing good by purposely taking a break from it today to cool off though c:
Remember how you were in my post the other day about consistency? I think a good idea is to just put the rest of the words out there first in some form of a draft—just to get that weight off of you that's dragging you down.
I used to suffer from a lot of anxiety myself, and a method that I'm finding (working on now) is to just do and if something truly requires my perfectionism I can get back to it, after I got the main gist down.
You got this for sure, don't delude yourself into a downward spiral. You don't see me trying to get a day job even when my payouts aren't making me serious bank. One step at a time.
Do now (tomorrow), and think after it's done! ^_^
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Thank you :) That's very much how I always write... I just let the words flow onto the page and watch the story unfold. I think I tripped myself up by starting to plan ahead with the story for once and it totally stopped the flow! My brain really prefers to just let it fly without a plan. I do need to not allow my brain to go into such a downward spiral, though. I mean sheesh, brain, CALM DOWN already! :)
Thank you for the support, I really appreciate it!
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No problem ^_^ I like going with the flow too! Now don't get me wrong lol, I do plan out the main ideas that I want to get across when I write, but it's almost like my mind possesses the keyboard afterward. I learned from a presentation given by Neil Strauss that if we get hung up on a word, wording, definition, or idea to note where it is and keep writing. Things like that can be revisted after!
Everything needs some kind of freaky balance xD LOOOOOOL I tell my brain that everyday too! Do now, think later... I'm trying to embody that.
I'm not even worried—you got this! :D
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I have had to start just leaving a "_____" or something when I'm writing and get stuck on a word (quite often it's names that trip me up!) I totally get what you mean with the mind possessing the keyboard. My husband always calls it my 'verbal vomit' when he sees me write :)
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There's actually an abbreviation you can use called TK which means "to come." I get all impatient a bunch of the time and just look words up instead (sometimes I'm not sure if a word means what I think it does!)
Ewww vomit makes it sound lame! I scold your husband x'D You are in the zone yo!~
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I haven't written anything in the past days either. I'm also terribly stressed out in general with the situation of Venezuela, the fact that I'll probably be trapped here if I don't get a passport renewal (which seems unlikely with the current government stopping the passport renewal processes in a new Cuba-like effort) and other similar stuff about my broken computer and all.
What I've been doing is just dodge it all, play games, read and listen to music and "the problems shall magically disappear" (they won't till I solve them).
Ah, and I've also been more 'consuming' other people's content than minding my own.
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Oh man, I can not imagine. It sounds beyond stressful. I don't have such imminent problems to deal with, my brain just keeps reacting as if I do. I feel a little silly even complaining!
I wish you the best.
I did very much the same as you, I did take the evening/night off after writing this post, though. I had a long bath and just read a bit of a romance novel... and then I slept for about 14 hours. I stayed off of the internet/computer and just read and went to sleep. Socializing tends to stress me out sometimes as well, even online or even being around family. My husband offered to take our daughter to a movie last night and then I just had alone time until I went to bed.
I hope your situation is resolved and maybe something magical happens with your passport.
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You're sweet. :) Thank you. I love your graphics! <3
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Helo @cuddlekitten, apa kabar? Ini artikel yang bagus.. telah kami upvote.. :-˃
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Have a 100% upvote for some positive vibes.
I so know this feeling. Everytime I have sat down to write about our adoption i freeze up because its so importamt to me and then I cant write anything. Or I spend hours writting and deleting my thoughts as they never look as good as I think them. So like you I have excused myself and jumped in the bath with a good book and chocolate of course lol.
Fingers crossed with a break you will get your mojo back. You rock! Dont forget it xx
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I wished for chocolate, but I just ended up in the bath with a book :) I LOVE that board/desk thing you have going on there! That is amazing! I did take the night off from writing and being online at all. It was a much needed break.
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My sister got me that for my birthday last year. I love it. Has saved me a few times. I have dropped many things into the bath. My husband ironed about 100 pages of a book I hadn't finished reading that I had dropped in with me. The worst was a bag popcorn. I had to have a shower to scrub off the residue left over lol.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA I have done this too many times, which is why I always buy $1.00 books from the used book store to read :) I have had to let a book dry out before, so it's definitely not just you.
The bag of popcorn cracks me up :) It would make for an interesting perfume! :)
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Haha im glad I made you laugh. What was even funnier is I had only just got in the bath so I put it to an insta vote. To stay or get out of the bath. We voted stay as who wants to waste that much water. So i just hid the popcorn under the bubbles and literally soaked in the popcorn for an hour. I had no clue of the residue until went to dry myself and realised I was a giant wet popcorn kernal lol.
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1st. LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2nd. Grab your phone and TALK into it about how you want your novel to end so you don't forget........ cuz you will..........and that has you worried.........you know the feeling when you are IN something how you know the voices and everything!! this way you will stop worrying about forgetting....as you will have YOUR tone and idea's on tape :D to be used when you need it.......
3rd. I'm holding you in a HUGE HUG and sending many, many happy thoughts your way!!!!!!!
4th. You are HUMAN and humans doubt themselves when things are going to well......you know that and so do I..........
5th. I look UP to you and in doing so that means your very wonderful no matter how you are feeling and I'm SURE there are other's that feel that way too.
6th I LOVE your honesty
7th. we are back to I love you!! hugs
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Thank you Snook, you are amazing, encouraging and just so damn uplifting. You have a gift! :) I don't know how I want to end this story, I tend to always write like I'm just doing a freewrite. Even with long novel length stories. The stories only come out while I'm writing... BUT I think that my issue this time is that I got sick and had too much time to think about it when I was too sick to actually write and all of the thoughts on how the story SHOULD go actually tripped me up!
I did take the advice to just walk away from it all for a bit. I spent the evening in a nice bath reading a book that was completely different and nothing like what I'm writing just to get my brain off of all things writing, all things internet, etc. It was nice. So we'll see how today goes, but I'm still not going to think about pressuring myself to write anything other than maybe a freewrite or something if I feel inspired. The freewrites are what got me started writing again... maybe I just haven't been doing enough of them lately!
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hugs thank you for everything you just said!!
I tagged you in a post I resteemed as it talks about......something you might want to do, maybe? it will help? but it's worth reading......yesssssssssssss I'm going to read it too LOLLL and maybe try it.......
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Oh man I can just feel your pain and frustration in this post and stop being so hard on yourself. You wrote this didn't you? A calming bath sounds like a good plan, I do that too. Hope you feel a bit better after that and I'm sending you lots of positive vibes. You'll get through this 😀.
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I did write this. You're right. I'm not sure if it's even cohesive, but finally out of pure frustration decided that even if the only thing I wrote all day was venting about not being able to write... then that was okay. :) Thank you for the comment. I did have a nice relaxing bath with a paperback and slept hard all night. Hopefully today will be better.
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Im sure it will be and maybe you just needed a good nights rest and some bubble bath 😀.
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Exercise is my secret stress relief. Yoga and biking with daily warm baths. Take a break as you have a lot of material in the wings. Pamper yourself, something we tend to forget to do as single parents (raised my daughter on my own since she was one year old).
Hope that may be a few ideas to help.
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I wish I could exercise at the moment, but I'm still recovering from being sick, which means I'm still at the pathetic rate that loading the dishwasher wears me out! I'll be back to it soon, though!!!
I can't imagine being a single parent. I was a single mom with my first child for 2 1/2 years and I was not a good mom at that point. You are a strong person!
I did take the advice of a nice warm bath, though. I unplugged for the night and just read a paperback and then slept. I feel better this morning and I really appreciate the support. Thank you <3
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I just write. I don’t take the time to format or overplan or even have it make perfect sense chronologically. Sometimes I’ll just write the outline until IT make sense sense, then go back in fill in the meat on the bones. Lastly, I’ll take 400 mg of fucitol (fuck it all), put it down and have a drink or two. Give you mind a rest and co e back to it.
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HAHAHAHA, I need some of that fucitol! :) I love it. I did step away from everything after writing this post. I turned off the computer, put my phone to the side and had a bath with a paperback book and just let everything else go away for the night. I slept better than I have in days and woke up feeling at least a little bit better about things. I definitely need to NOT think about it unless I'm writing and then things just flow.
I appreciate the support. Thank you very much! <3
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I usually go for a walk or run, when I need a quick calm, Otherwise for the more big things I journal or meditate. Hope it helps!
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Hmmm, these seem useful. I never stress out. I guess I should start writing down some of the tips I'm reading here.
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I think that is part of my problem! Since being sick, I've been struggling with the fact that I am still so freaking WEAK physically. Just unloading the dishwasher wore me right the hell out. I hate feeling so weak and unable to do things. I just needed to give myself a bit more time to recover, I suppose. I'm not good at going easy on myself. This, I guess, was kind of my way of journaling. It did help a little for me to step back from it and get some NON-writing, no-online time and just chill for the evening.
Thank you for the comment and support!
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For me, whenever I get stressed, I just sleep. :D And just escape from reality for a while. :D By the way, I hope you'll feel better. Just inhale and exhale. That might help too :)
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Thank you! I did get some hardcore sleep last night for the first time in a few days. I took the night off from even thinking about writing anything and I think that helped as well! Thanks for the support. :)
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First off, did you pants or plot? Because this happens to pantsers; they often fail to figure out how to get from the second act to the third. So, if you pants (that's so funny), just take a look at the plot points and figure what needs to go next. It may not be perfect. You can always edit it and reshape it later. Now, as for destress - take a walk, cook a pie, plant a flower, visit a sick relative, anything to change your outlook. Oh, your mind will still be working on the story. It just needs a different perspective to allow it to suddenly give you that spark of inspiration. Sorry, you're going through this. Hopefully, this helps.
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I've never heard the term "pants" in this reference! I'm going to have to visit google :) But I DID decide that I needed to distract my brain with something completely different! I spent some time reading a novel and it's helping my brain restart a bit. Thank you for the new terminology!
Ha! I looked it up, I'm definitely a 'pantser' so I suppose that is why I'm so much better at short stories! :) I feel like I 'meet' the characters as I'm writing and just follow them along in the story, with each character making their own choices, etc. I saw a few posts that are helping me feel a little less crazy about it already, thanks to these terms as well, so thank you!
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I was in what I call a "funk" for a few months. Couldn't write. Anything. What I did write was wooden and stilted. I could still panel beat other people's writing and write around specific topics. But on my blog. Not a jot. And it's not because I was short of material; I just simply couldn't, so I didn't.
Sometimes the discipline is good, but I discovered that writer's block really is real and then you have to walk away. I don't always set a lot of store around the strategies for writing. Don't get me wrong, I think they are valuable, but I have also learned that one has to do what works for oneself.
For example: when am I at my creative best? It took me more than 30 years to discover that, as a friend and colleague says, the lights go on around mid-afternoon and go off about four hours later - around the time I should be cooking dinner. I then realised that this is also my peak learning time. Do you know when is your peak learning time? Is it convenient to gear your time around that?
One of the reasons it took me so long to understand this was because most people believe that everyone is fresh first thing in the morning. Not me. I need to be cranked up - slowly, until the lights are on. For most of my school and study life, meals were slap bang in the middle of "my" time. In those days there was no way you could eat later, take your meals back to your room, etc. - I was in boarding school and university residences and things were a lot more regimented then than they are now. So, now that I am older and am more in a position to structure my own time, my real work time is in the afternoons until about 7pm. I forgo the sundowners and afternoon tea in favour of getting "real work" done. Of course there are the exceptions, but when I'm on a roll, or have a project to complete, this is when it happens.
Lastly, and I don't remember where it was I read this, or from whom I got this advice, but it's a very useful strategy: if you know you need to finish something and it's going to take a few days, develop a strategy of not finishing it to a perfect point. Not logical, but what it does, it gets you more quickly back into your "groove" especially when you're on a deadline and don't have the luxury of working when you know your brain works for you.
Trust this helps and that you soon surface and breathe easily again, @byn
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Oh, I hear you on having weird hours! I have never been a morning person. I vividly remember being in high school and feeling like I was finally 'waking up' at 10:30am every day... two hours after school started.
I tend to always get inspired/start writing around 10pm. I always have been more inspired then!
I don't really feel like I'm on a solid deadline, but I also tend to freak out if writer's block happens in the mid flow, because I am horrible about not finishing things. So part of my problem is that my brain freaks out and starts the negative self talk of "You HAVE to finish it now or you'll fail and never finish anything at all EVER!!!" which I realize sounds ridiculous, but then again, my brain freaking out this much doesn't seem to feel the need to be rational at all. :/
I did take the evening/night off after writing this post, though. I had a long bath and just read a bit of a romance novel... and then I slept for about 14 hours. I stayed off of the internet/computer and just read and went to sleep. Socializing tends to stress me out sometimes as well, even online or even being around family. My husband offered to take our daughter to a movie last night and then I just had alone time until I went to bed.
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I hope that having had time out, you're feeling better. Take the pressure off and be kind to yourself.
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Damn!! @byn , I would have so loved to have a strong lady like you as me mom or better yet mother in-law... Cus you one hell of a strong woman... I think my de-stress routine is listening to music... Rap music actually.... There's something about good rap music that brings an unusual calm to my soul...
I hope you find your calm soonest cus I won't like missing out reading your wonderful posts...
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Thank you, you are VERY sweet and I really appreciate it! Music is good for me sometimes as well, but last night, I think I just needed complete silence. There is just always something going on around here. I did take the evening/night off after writing this post, though. I had a long bath and just read a bit of a romance novel... and then I slept for about 14 hours. I stayed off of the internet/computer and just read and went to sleep. Socializing tends to stress me out sometimes as well, even online or even being around family. My husband offered to take our daughter to a movie last night and then I just had alone time until I went to bed.
I really appreciate your comment <3
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Hmmmmm!!
I guess it's not easy... But am also sure your putting up a good fight and you won't quit ....
And with such a caring husband that's the to support you, you'll win the fight....
Stay strong...
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We are here for you @byn. Performance anxiety hits all artists. I, personally know how talented you are as a writer and a wonderful powerhouse. I hope you take the needed time to appreciate your own worth and its ok to have these moments. You will reach that center and return to that place of peace. Sometimes it helps to just allow the work to cool.
I have no doubt you have a book and more to share.
Much love and hugs!
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Thank you @wandrnrose7 That means a lot coming from you. I appreciate you! I am purposefully NOT writing on it for a couple of days and instead I am taking the time to just read things, comment and reading an actual paperback book instead of being online all the time. It is already helping my brain relax! Thanks for the support!
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You are welcome! I'm sorry that you are going through this, but I've been through it myself so I completely understand. I am currently listening to some audiobooks to and from work for similar reasons. I have been besieged by migraine this week and so my responses and my activity are stripped during those times. I get super frustrated in my lack of productivity and I'm not able to write myself and it causes a mental paralysis of its own. I'm always here for you and available on Discord anytime you need to vent!
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Thank you! I appreciate it. I can't imagine having to try and do this whilst dealing with migraines! My son has them and it's just so debilitating!
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My heart goes out to him. I am going to try the daith piercing soon. I spoke to a woman who had it today and she said she is down to few headaches and none like she used to experience. It is worth a try!
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The writing goal set by u is not SMART. Look what smart means
Specific.
Measurable.
Attainable.
Relevant.
Time Bound.
A compoment is very difficult in this goal if it has to follow T component.
Morever, taking stress at such minor things is immaturity.Life has much more to give u.Just explore smartly.
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I don't really have a time frame as far as a "deadline" just an end goal (whenever it happens) for when I've written enough for it to be a fully fleshed out proper length for a book, because there are just some things we can't change (like the acceptable length of a novel). I realize that my brain is overreacting to the stress that shouldn't be a big deal, but that's why I wrote it out in this post, because writing about what I'm experiencing helps me to see it from an outside perspective, if that makes any sense.
Having anxiety has nothing to do with maturity. But I thank you for attempting to be helpful in your own way.
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Having anxiety on matters which really are not worth making anybody anxious means that the person getting anxious has not the deep understanding of the task, that is the immaturity with respect to that task.Not chromological immaturity.
Morever set realistic goal that is easily attainable.
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I hope it’s okay to say this was a comforting post. In a world where everyone seems more organized and in control while my world just steadily gets messier and more entangled, it’s good to know I’m not entirely alone. I understand how hard it is to be valued as a stay at home mum. In a recent job search, it was highlighted to me the plight of mums trying to get back into the workforce. I thought I’d never get employed again, and this was taking a year off to catch up on family time, and having clung onto a part time role for 6 years before that! As for your, “turning this block into an overpowering, mindnumbing complete and utter freak the fuck out kind of thing”, I’m sorry byn, I chuckled a little. It’s more that I recognise the feeling. I can’t give you advice on how to get back on the writing train. I’m constantly falling off it, but all I’d just say is to keep looking for new inspiration. I find when I am stale, I take a long break, but eventually I get back to it because it niggles and haunts me, this unfinished business. Then I start looking for new sparks of inspiration, that’s why I’m on steemit. Good Luck! I’m interested in how you get along, and these kinds of posts are gold. <3
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