Dear Diary: I Cannot Resist Coffee

I am a coffee addict and I always prefer now the black one, no creamer, but maybe if a creamer is not local I would try it as the creamer here is not like those that brought by my father from abroad when he was working as a mechanic, the taste is really delicious I should say. I don't know about that but maybe Nestle has a different recipe for my country than in Saudi Arabia.

I would pick coffee over a cold drink even on a hot day because of it's energizing effects on my body especially for my mind as it really changes my mood into a cheerful disposition. That makes me wonder that maybe in depressed individuals they just needed something like coffee to alter their moods.

But I had been depressed myself in my childhood years and I thought that it was normal only to realize many years later when I learned about clinical depression that I had been terribly ill those years. But you would ask why would I be depressed at a young age? I was a mild epilepsy patient and was taking Phenobarbital everyday and Barbiturates like that causes clinical depression.

True enough I did developed a severe form of side-effects from taking an epilepsy and that was the clinical depression where you are really sad and blue and hopeless considering that I was so young in those years, around early 80's when this house was being built.

It is hard to describe a clinical depression but you are really in a condition where you have deep thoughts into something that makes you more down than hell. But fortunately I was able to sweat it out as the doctor adjusted my medication into smaller doses until my body maybe tolerated it.

My mother and I decided not to go anymore to the doctor in the mid-90's because we felt that I was not really being cured but merely being just observed and controlled. And since I do not get any severe seizures we stopped going to the doctor altogether and I was also beginning to show signs of kidney disorder back then with my frequent UTI every second week which we thought that antibiotics would cure it to learn after that the UTI was just a symptom of a greater kidney problem .

So that was the story of my past depression sufferings and my thoughts on alleviating my mood into a cheery state by a simple cup of coffee. It is just I cannot stop it because I get headaches and I develop withdrawal symptoms.

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