This is a deeply personal post, written to try and help even one person who may be experiencing depression or anxiety.

So today I was on the PALnet Discord channel listening to a radio show by @uniwhisp.

Her show is all about human emotions and how to try and get the best out of yourself  by understanding these.

It was a brilliant show so shoutout to her for that. And thank you to @kubbyelizabeth for pointing me in the direction of it.

Though the show was very positive, it got me thinking about all sorts of other things related to the human mind.

In particular, those people who are suffering with depression and other mental health issues and just how tough these are to overcome.

The heading of this post is 'It's ok not to be ok' and I want to start by emphasising that point. 

Having been engulfed in these issues myself in the past, I want to reach my hand out to say that it is completely fine to be feeling lost, confused, alone or all of the above.

Today is Thanksgiving in America so most people are celebrating with family and friends. Eating, drinking and being merry.

But what about those people who will not be having a good time?  Please spare a thought for them. And for everyone who is less fortunate than us.

If you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach and your health YOU ARE VERY FORTUNATE so be thankful for that much.

What is depression?

While I was depressed I was feeling all sorts of things which I could not explain. I felt rejected by the world and worthless. I had no interest in eating. In routine. In anything really. I was caught up inside my own mind amongst demons. Nothing seemed like worth the effort.

The best way for me to summarise it is that I felt like there was a dark cloud above my head following me around.

What causes depression?

There is no set criteria. It can be a single trauma event or a chain of events which leads one to this point.  In my case it was a lot of things all happening in a quick period of time which resulted in me feeling completely broken inside. 

Some were my own life choices and others were things I had no control over.

I dont like to dwell on the things that caused me to be in that position because they still stir emotions inside me which I work very hard to control on a daily basis.

How did others react?

Most people that knew me said............. well they didn't say anything because one of the symptoms of my depression was that I just pushed everyone away.  I put up walls around me. It was a way of trying to protect myself. If I didn't let anyone in then they couldn't hurt me. Which is fine. Until the loneliness hurts you even more.

I deliberately burned bridges with people I had known for 20 years or more with the rationale that "I was better off alone" 

I really wasn't!

The people that were still in my life thought I had an attitude problem or that I was lazy! They had no idea how I was really feeling. Their lack of understanding made me feel worse.

How do you beat depression?

I can honestly that you can never be sure that you do beat it fully.

What you can do is learn to control it and not let it control you.

I feel like once you've been in that situation it may be in the background forever but you can then choose how to proceed with your life from that point on.

How did I deal with it?

The following path worked for me but it will be totally different path for everyone.

The first thing I did was recognise I had a serious problem and told myself I wanted to try and overcome it.

I talked to my Mother about her Brother (my Uncle) who had depression and  realised I felt how he had felt.

Letdown. Disenchanted. And in the end he died of a broken heart. I didnt want to end up the same way. 

I wrote down pages and pages of why I felt like I did. I cried as I did and emotion poured out of me.

What had gone wrong in my life? Where did it stem from?

I kept a diary and took selfies of me crying to remind myself in the future. (drastic I know but I needed some grand gestures to snap me out of this)

I decided not to take any medication in my case (many people do and I am not saying either way is better)

What helped me tremendously was the gym. It gave me routine. It gave me goals. And it gave me discipline.

I had something to focus on again.

How long did it take?

It took the best part of 2 years!

It is not a quick road to recovery at all.

I gained my confidence very slowly.

I had gone from being an extrovert. A show off. 

To someone who was barely able to say two words to another person.

But the old saying - time heals all - worked for me.

It just took time. LOTS OF IT.

And spoonfuls of effort from me.

It was not smooth sailing.

I had many setbacks along the way.

But as I slowly gained my confidence back I became more like the old me I wanted to be like.

How do I keep it at bay?

The honest answer is WITH A LOT OF EFFORT.

I can go days without it manifesting itself.

But sometimes I go through things and all of a sudden it feels like the cloud is coming back on the horizon.

In those moments I turn to my "power solutions"

I take a stock of my life and write down what I am thankful for. Nowadays my Son tops that list and thinking of him is usually enough to give me a kick up the backside needed.

My other port of call is a song by Eminem called  NOT AFRAID

Parental Advisory - the song swears ( A LOT!) It speaks of a man who will not be beaten by his demons. 

I sing along as loud as I can and I want to be like that voice that helps others do the same.

It is not the perfect answer but it works for me. It reminds of me the darker days and that I came through the storm.

What about the Future?

I have no misconceptions that my depression will not rear its ugly head again.

But when it does I will just do the same things I always do to try and feel like I am whole again.

I AM TRULY BLESSED............

but not everyone is.

The point of this post is that I AM EXTREMELY LUCKY to still be here and on Thanksgiving I am thankful for that.

Sadly, Not everyone is as lucky as I have been.

Take a look for yourself - Mentalhealth.org

Apparently more than 55,000 suicides happen in Europe every year. 6,000 in the UK and Ireland alone.

That is a staggering amount of people taking their own lives and it is the largest killer of people aged 20-34.

I want everyone who reads this to acknowledge that Depression is real and is not a made up facade that we create to be "lazy"

We feel helpless. Rejected. Imbalanced. 

If you know anyone feeling this way then reach out to them and offer them support and not scorn.

I want to say to people who are feeling like this that it is perfectly fine to feel this way. 

FOR NOW.

That there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

But ultimately only you can help yourself.

If all you take from this article is that YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS SITUATION then I will feel great satisfaction if I only help one person.

If we all just help one person maybe we can save a lot of lives in the process.

Thank you so much for reading.

This is my first time writing about this topic and I feel liberated in doing so.

I am very proud to say that the person writing this blog is not one you would automatically assume has had any history with depression or mental health.

And I think that is the biggest problem with it. For outsiders being able to identify it.

Only YOU truly know how you are feeling so reach out and dont be afraid to ask for help.

Eminem taught me that. Thank you Slim Shady.