Well, maybe if you are reading this you are wondering to yourself. "am I in a co dependent relationship?" Well that is what I hope to accomplish with this post. I want to point out the signs, symptoms, and resolutions to this issue as best I can.
Co dependency as mental health of america puts it it is:
It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
Now that is a fairly basic view on the full scope of the issue, especially if you are in a codependent family as I was raised in there are certain signs you can look out for, such as:
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Signs of Familial codependency include:
- Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship
- Having difficulty identifying your feelings
- Having difficulty communicating in a relationship
- Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself
- Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
- Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval
- Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost
- Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
Another big sign of codependency is Enabling
Enabling is another sign of an unhealthy codependence. Mary-Catherine Segota, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Counseling Resource Services in Winter Garden, Florida, describes enabling as a behavior that's used to ease relationship tension caused by one partner’s problematic habits. Enabling behavior, which is rarely seen in healthy relationships, includes bailing your partner out, repeatedly giving him or her another chance, ignoring the problem, accepting excuses, always being the one trying to fix the problem, or constantly coming to the rescue.
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Now these are not mutually exclusive to codependency, but these tend to trend within a codependent family unit.
Roles play a big part in a codependent family when dealing with an alcoholic/addict and we will address these below.
Roles
I know within my family there was me, my sister, my brother, and mom and dad. The roles looking back where very distinct within the family, but there was a common theme that seems to run right across the board which is the "walking on eggshells" as to not upset the alcoholic/addict.
I myself was what was termed the "lost child", my sister was the "hero", and my brother was always in trouble with the law so he was "the scapegoat"
These roles are determined usually by the Alcoholic, and the child. You see, we seek approval or attention in any way we can in a dysfunctional family and our roles just seem to come together in the mix.
What can you do??
There are a few ways to deal with an unhealthy relationship that has codependent characteristics Here are but a few.
Persue help there are many mental health providers that can help you rebuild your sense of self and help understand why you rely so heavily on someone else for your sense of self.
Reconnect with friends and family being in a codependent relationship leads to isolation and can lead to loss of self. Call or Email those people you have been estranged from, to reconnect to who you were prior to the relationship.
Consider Couples Couseling Sometimes a codependent relationship can be helped or even saved through intensive couples therapy.
Carve out "you time." “If you once enjoyed music and gave up lessons or practicing, pick up where you left off,” Becker suggests. “Return to doing the things you once enjoyed before you became so enmeshed with the other person.”
Seek treatment for substance abuse. “If you are abusing drugs or alcohol, talk to your doctor about treatment options,” he says. “This holds for the other partner, too, as there are support groups and resources for family members affected by substance abuse, such as Al-Anon.
There are many more ways to repair a broken relationship but it will require work, and then more work,once you have crossed the threshold from interdependence to co dependence. But if the love is there, on both sides and you are both willing to do the work necessary to make the changes the future can be bright once again.
Thank you for reading!
repost property of Steve Black