The Psychology & Spirit of Being Truly Free: Ending Control & The Blame Game

A great deal of the desire to control other people and events arises from a lack of understanding of the divine nature of karma. The other key driver for belief in the need to control people and events is found in the gap between the conscious mind and the feelings it refuses to feel and has disowned.

When we have feelings, we do not automatically always feel and accept them. It is quite possible for our mind and self to disconnect from some feelings, particularly if we judge we don't like them. When this occurs, we create subconsciousness and possibly unconsciousness. This means we have parts of ourselves that don't receive the light of our awareness and which we are no longer aware of. This also means that we lose some of our ability to feel, since it is not possible to deny/block these parts without losing their faculties and input too.

Being in a state of partial unfeeling and being unaware of all of the information that we could be aware of - is a perilous state to be in. One effect can be that we are unaware of the nature of our own thought process and just how unloving it has become. We need to feel things to know how loving or unloving they are, plus, in many cases, to even know they exist. If we are unable to feel all of our thinking, then we can easily have thoughts which are unloving and even self destructive, without knowing it. These thoughts can run endlessly in loops in the background of our thinking process and are only understood or noticed when felt (either by us or by others). Usually, most people will just avoid feeling this in other people and not bring the subject up - so they enable this destructive cycle. Often, attempts to bring this up with people results in conflict, anger and more denials, so we collectively tend to agree to avoid doing so.

Misunderstandings leading to misplaced blame

When the mind knows it feels a certain way, but is disconnected from the original cause for the feeling (usually due to denials made previously), it's default position is to try to make sense of the feelings and often this results in it 'filling in the gaps' in understanding by forming judgements. In many cases, these will take the form of wrongly assuming that whoever is in the vicinity at the time has caused these denied feelings, when in truth the person may have only said something that triggered them to surface, or even may have had nothing to do with them at all. Since denied feelings tend to be angry at having been denied, this regularly plays out as people thinking that others are being unloving to them and then them getting defensive/angry, when in truth - the feeling of unlovingness they are experiencing is a result of their OWN mental unlovingness that is causing their OWN feelings to feel unhappy/pain.

I have seen this play out a couple of times recently where people were convinced I was trying to control them in some way - yet, I know and could feel that I was being very careful to not control them and to leave space in what I was saying for them to feel free and not have limitations placed on them in a controlling way. I knew from careful listening that the patterns involved were as a result of denied anger in them, which they were misinterpreting as arising as a result of something in the present moment, whereas in fact it was from past and unresolved trauma. I know this to be true because of conversations I had with one of them who happens to be a close relative who I know very well.

Ending Control to be Truly Free

It is easy to see and feel how someone who feels they are being controlled by others (falsely) might then become controlling of others in an attempt to 'defend' themselves against what they perceive to be an attack. This is particularly likely when the control they feel inside of themselves comes from their own controlling and fearful self which already performs that kind of control with regularity.

Ending control is the only way to be free - it's simple logic

In many cases, ending control means identifying the real causes of our own feelings of being controlled and healing them within ourselves and not 'out there'. Knowing that karma is a real process that intelligently guides life so that people have experiences from which to learn how to come into balance, is also very helpful here. Once you live out karmic experiences of your own and learn to feel the difference between karmic experience and non karmic experience, you can begin to understand another level of why controlling other people is unnecessary. If the person has intent to learn and knows how to be open to karmic experience, without judgement, then they will learn and the problems of relationship can be resolved. If the person does not understand karma and is not open to learning/healing/balancing/evolving, then it is often best to move away to avoid unnecessary suffering.

Karma is a divine process of intelligent orchestration and learning - we are wise to use it!

Wishing you well,

Ura Soul

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This post was originally published at Ureka.org: Earth Heart Community.