This long-lived space
where I dwell,
is an enclosure,
or is life laughing,
of dawns and hopes.
Stones in ubiquitous need
of apples of ornaments and nails
on the wall with nothing to show,
the harsh reality is another picture.
Teaching is that emptiness we are left with.
Sometimes it dwarfs us and we leave
our skin on the green.
if you could wash me with sea water
dirty my pores a little and leave
forever your smell,
among the mangroves as when
we had an illusion of living
a memory to hold on to
and a child between the two of us.
But that would be a lie,
my revenge
or a sad inner storm.
Sweeping, raging.
Este espacio longevo
donde habito,
es un encierro,
o es la vida riéndose,
de amaneceres y esperanzas.
Piedras en ubicua necesidad
de manzanas de adornos y clavos
en la pared sin nada para mostrar,
la dura realidad es otro cuadro.
La enseñanza es ese vacío que nos queda.
A veces nos empequeñece y nos dejamos
la piel sobre el verde.
si pudieras lavarme con agua de mar
ensuciarme un poco los poros y dejar
para siempre tu olor,
entre los mangles como cuando
teníamos una ilusión de vivir
un recuerdo para aferrarnos
y un niño entre los dos.
Pero eso sería una mentira,
mi venganza
o una triste tormenta interior.
Arrasando, arrazando.
A good poem that can be read and understood in different ways.
It would make it an easier read if younadd a whiteline after 'cuadro', 'verde' and 'dos'.
Who knows the other #we-writers will show up and #comment and do their part of the critic?
I find it hard to believe there isn't any if it comes to what you write.
A great Friday and I wish you a good health.
♥️🍀

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Is it just you and I writing poetry, or were we left alone on the platform? I'll try to write Dear Diaries. I'm sure I'll take some credit. What happened to the potatoes? Why does everything seem to happen flat on these platforms? No textures? Is talent looked down upon? Do you know what a coffee with verse is?
#wewrite & #comment
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It looks like we are alone. Carnival again? Unless, we slipped over rotten tomatoes, tackled by a chain and fell off a block. 🤔
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Hereby
https://suno.com/song/6b2b9270-98ba-4f00-adfe-5a38aae4dbc0?sh=7JoJy4bz6UEBKiYf
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I have read the whole thing once. But, then I returned to this piece. I think it is beautifully written!
Well done, and keep sharing those poems.
#wewrite #comment
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I have always left poetry behind. I feel I'm a better storyteller. But readers have vision too, that's why comments are important. They make you reflect and take new directions. Focus. Balance. It's good to set clear goals with regard to literature.
#wewrite #comment
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You might have left it behind. But, it is visible in the way you write. I read your sentences and I can see that this can be written as a poem.
Well, it is all about where do you see yourself and what you feel more passionate about. Because, writing should not be a compulsory thing. But, something that brings you joy.
#wewrite #comment
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What about the child, the two of you are?
The picture fits to the the other artist whose name I forgot, the one who started painting again wrote something about being straight forward and not being like a river finding the easy way out which bring me back to that child.
#wewrite no #comment
(Published through Steemit Dapp https://boylikegirl.club)
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Now they are two children. The rest is art. Figuration. Poetry.
#wewrite #comment
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