Let me tell you three short stories first.
1. An argument on the golf course
Some time ago, I was practicing on a golf driving range and heard a customer arguing with a caddy on the side of the fairway.
The reason is that the customer said he could hit 150 yards with his 7 iron (this is a sign of a better amateur level), but the caddy next to him watched him hit a few, and indicated that he didn't get 150 yards at all, and the ball fall. Obviously there is still some distance from the 150 yards mark.
As a result, the customer became a little unhappy, cursed and said: "Are you blind? It's 150 yards, of course, I'll call you again."
I also saw that, from the few balls he played, none could exceed 150 yards.
However, the caddy seemed to have studied well, and quickly said: "Wow, much farther this time, it's actually over 150 yards."
So the customer is satisfied, if I say that I can run 150 yards, don't believe it?
2. Few people want to hear real advice
On my social media backend, I frequently receive comments from readers, many of whom come for advice and suggestions.
As long as I have time, I will help the other party carefully analyze the situation and provide an objective consultation.
But sometimes it will cause unnecessary controversy.
Like some time ago, a reader communicated with me, he had the opportunity to go from sales to operations and asked for my advice.
I know very little about the company, its operational strength is very strong, and I can learn core skills.
On the contrary, the core competitiveness of sales has gradually disappeared, and there is no growth, so he was advised to operate.
After I put forward this point of view, I immediately recruited counter-arguments from the other side.
He believes that: operating income is low, too mechanical, too dogmatic, and not strong in personal presence ...
Sales can see the real side of the market, and there are many opportunities for dealing with people. Many successful people grow from sales ...
We fought for a long time, but finally I was relieved.
marketing is a big deal for other people, and I dare not pack a ticket and it has to be good in operation. In the end, you can only say that you judge according to your own situation. If you think it's a good fit for sale, it's not impossible. Don't give up on growing ....
The other party seemed to sympathize right away, saying: "Um, I think the manager should support my decision."
After listening to this, I suddenly realized that he already had the answers in mind, so why should he consult me?
3. Why is it difficult for people to be alone
I was a young student and working in a bank in the mainland, I was sentenced to several years for economic crimes.
I went out a while ago and I had a long chat with him.
He said that at first, he was very scared, and when he and a senior "handled" a loan for someone else for the first time, the other party gave them each a red envelope.
Senior quickly put it away, but he dodged it. As a result, the senior slammed his face and asked are you rich?
She was a little embarrassed and received a red envelope, but didn't sleep all night, at that time she felt that if this continued, she would be gone in one day.
However, the further he went, the more he believed that nothing would happen, because everyone around him was like this, wasn't everyone all right?
Others have higher rankings and higher IQs, and they'll definitely weigh the pros and cons.
Since they all do, there isn't much risk in this problem.
As a result, he became more and more courageous, and he became even more unsure that something would happen, and finally actually made his young self a reality.
When I was about to finish chatting with a friend, he suddenly asked me:
"Aren't you saying this person's cognition has to grow with age and become more and more mature? How can I be gentler than when I was young?"
If humans are the only animal that can deceive itself, you shouldn't mind, right?
Because the three stories mentioned above fall into three types of self-deception:
Self-paralysis, self-righteousness, collective fall.
1. Self paralysis
In the first story, forcing other people to admit they can hit 150 yards, they will get nothing but psychological comfort. Besides, in my experience, people like this will play really badly once they get off the pitch. .
Since they will overestimate their abilities, they will take a smaller size when choosing a shot, showing that they hit the ball really well, but the end result will give them the edge.
This type of self-deception is called self-paralysis, the typical manifestation of which is a rejection of the obvious truth and an unwillingness to accept one's identity.
In one experiment, several smokers and non-smokers were invited to play a tape about the dangers of smoking, and the audience needed to listen carefully and record it.
However, the experiment deliberately added some annoying noise to the recording, and the subject was able to adjust the noise itself.
Finally, it was found that non-smokers would turn down the volume of noise because they could not hear the content clearly.
And the smokers? They will ignore it.
What does this show?
This shows that people will deliberately avoid bad news related to themselves, especially if the bad news does not have any effect then people will deliberately close some of their sense organs in order to have a sense of security.
It is actually a physiological regulatory mechanism that has several positive effects on cognitive coordination.
However, often times, the downsides outweigh the advantages.
Parents whose children have poor grades are more afraid of holding parental meetings and rarely communicate with the teacher, every time they meet they always remind themselves that their children are not doing well, so it's better not to meet;
The more often employees work, the more they hide from the leader, because they are afraid of face-to-face accusations by the leader, so they stay far away and are safer;
These behaviors seem to give you peace for a while, but when you accumulate them, they will eventually form heavy blows to knock you down.
So, don't be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, but a flat-headed brother who dares to fight a wild beast.
I have seen many successful people, and most of them share the same attributes.
2. Self paralysis
The second story, which I want to understand later, many people came to consult with me, not to listen to advice, but to get approval.
They have made a decision in their hearts. If I agree, they'll be in their arms; if I don't agree, they will try to persuade me until I agree.
So, thinking about it now, they don't deny me, they deny the other self who made the opinion.
This type of self-deception is called self-righteousness. Typical performance is to anchor the decision to the heart, and then seek support for that decision, and at the same time, try to dispel opposing opinions.
In one experiment, subjects who supported the death penalty and those who opposed it were divided into two groups, and they were presented with many pros and cons, including rich evidence to support the death penalty and rich evidence against the death penalty. penalty.
As a result, the opinions of the two subject groups tend not to be united, even the differences deepen.
Those who previously opposed the death penalty became more resilient because they had more evidence, and vice versa.
In other words, they only accept evidence that supports their views, treat the evidence to the contrary as false and completely refuse to adopt it.
This is a characteristic of most people. First, revise their opinions and decisions, then look for evidence to rationalize them.
Just like those who don't work hard, they often take the stabilization of their class for granted. After a few years, they don't grow up. In fact, do you think the class is strengthened?
a quote "a woman who believes that men are not a good thing will inevitably lead to domestic violence. Everywhere forcing a second husband, the husband finally can't stand it and slaps his face. So the woman finally strengthens the evidence:" Men really don't have. good thing. "
You see, a lot of the sorrow in life comes from here, don't you think?
"If you don't live the way you want, sooner or later you will think about the way you live."
3. Collective fall
The third story is that the collective and environmental cognitive transformations of a person are subtle, and these transformations are also profound, allowing you to deny what you once believed, and also let you believe in what is extraordinary and wrong.
This type of self-deception is called collective encroachment, the typical manifestation of which is that they lose their independent attributes to external interference, give up the right to think and choose, and go with the flow.
Of the fall in collective self-deception, the most common case was the fall of the American Challenger.
At that time, the results of the investigation shocked everyone. The root cause of the disaster was not a personal act, but the behavior of NASA as a whole (National Aeronautics and Space Administration).
Originally there was no need for a manned aircraft on these flights, but the manned aircraft concept is more attractive and could stimulate the government to spend more money. Therefore, everyone at NASA has agreed to this unspoken rule, and no one has raised any objections. Nobody even objected. Nobody even objected. if you know that this manned flight is very risky.
Who are the people at NASA? Most of them were elites in the scientific field, highly educated, did they betray their conscience just for money?
There may be factors in this area, but they shouldn't be mainstream.
During the investigation, many people covered their faces and cried, regretting it. They all said that they were aware of this risk at first, but seeing that no one doubted, they agreed to this result and ignored this risk.
The American scientific journal "Nature" once published the conclusion of a study: the level of cognition and intelligence of individuals will rapidly decline under group coercion.
The public lacks the ability to discern, and therefore cannot judge the authenticity of things. Many viewpoints which cannot withstand scrutiny can easily be universally agreed upon!
4. Solutions
You may ask, is there any good solution to self-deception?
I recently read a book called "Don't Find the Scapegoat," written by the American Yabinze Association, which specifically addresses the phenomenon of self-deception.
Interestingly, this book is not written in a traditional narrative style, but is more like a novel that tells of the mental growth process of a career elite.
There's a great analogy in this book that puts self-deception in a box. The direction of our lifelong effort is jumping out of this box.
Here are 6 solutions that I quoted from this book:
Don't try to be perfect, try to be better;
Don't look for someone else's box, look for your own;
Don't complain that other people are in the box, try to keep yourself out of the box;
When you are in the box, don't give up, keep working hard;
Don't worry about whether other people will help you, whether you can help others;
Don't pay attention to other people's mistakes, pay attention to what you can do right.
I admire your dedication to always putting forth excellent work.
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