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A reader came to me to chat and said that he really admires me, because I can update every day, but he can't do anything, and asked me how to survive.
Please fill this conversation in your brain.
He: "Dear uncle, you had a good experience. You can change it every day. How do you do it? I want to try too."
Me: "It's not hard to watch every day, as long as you put in a little time each day."
He: "I said so, but I'm very busy."
Me: "How busy are you? Are you still busier than me? I have to do training and courseware. Don't I also have free time?"
He: "You are a freelancer and you can manage your time. How can I compare to you?"
Me: "Then you can wake up an hour earlier too."
She: "I don't sleep well, get up early, I don't have energy all day, and my main business is also delayed."
Me: "The biological clock can be adjusted by yourself. If you insist on getting up early, you can change it slowly. At least want to try?"
He: "How do you know I haven't tried it, thanks for your advice ..." (very uncomfortable feeling)
Of course I don't communicate like this, just to set an example, do you feel that we enlighten others this way many times?
You are exhausting, and you are right, but the other party refuses to accept it, and it has a negative effect?
This is determined by human psychological mechanisms, there is a psychological term called "cognitive dissonance", namely truth.
The theory of "cognitive dissonance" was put forward by Leon Festinger and inspired by the great earthquake in India.
The victims for the rest of their lives spread the rumor everywhere that this earthquake was not over and that a bigger earthquake was coming soon.
There was no basis for this, but the people spreading the rumors were sure.
This confused Festinger, why should people scare themselves?
Then he found the answer: The reason why they spread rumors was not to frighten themselves, but to find a reason for their current panic.
This way, you can convince yourself that the post-earthquake panic is not without reason.
This means that to avoid or weaken cognitive dissonance, people will always look for explanations for their psychology, behavior or attitude.
If you can't find an explanation, you will never feel good in your heart.
The virtual dialogue above illustrates this point: If enlightenment is always focused on " why you can't ," it will subtly remind the other party that it's okay.
From a "cognitive dissonance" perspective, the other party will continually find appropriate reasons and reasons for their actions.
Right now, the other party's problem that had to be resolved was not how to insist on changing every day, but how to explain that he couldn't change every day.
After discussion, people will still have the idea of "You don't understand me at all, so don't speak coldly."
Therefore, this kind of enlightenment is completely useless.
The correct approach is to change " why you can't " to " why you want to ," so that other people will focus on "changing" behavior rather than "explaining."
Let's take a look at our actual conversation.
He: "Dear uncle, you had a good experience. You can change it every day. How do you do it? I want to try too."
Me: "You are not a professional writer, why do you want to change it every day?"
He: "Hey, I just want to end my life every day and force myself to produce something, so I can grow every day."
Me: "Yeah, but daily updates are not the same as writing a diary. It's still really hard. I wonder if you can do it?"
He: "Get up an hour or two early, the key is to write every day?"
Me: "If you can spend an hour or two a day, it's no big deal, you need to ..."
see it? In other words, the focus of the dialogue between the two is different, this kind of enlightenment will provide a kind of affirmation to the other party and continue to strengthen the motivation for change.
At this time, the problem of busy work and bad sleep will naturally be eliminated. It's not that they don't exist anymore. In actual operation, you have to deal with it. But at this point, your thinking will be corrected and you will act first. Only in action will it be destroyed.
If you let adversity build up in your heart, it will only multiply indefinitely, become bigger and bigger, and engulf you the heaviest.
Therefore, this kind of dialogue, I also hope that you will often appear in your heart, ask yourself less "Why can't", and more "Why do you want", so that you will continue to be strong.