A young friend, my old reader, recently, he sent me a very long message.
In general, he is a very motivated person. She demands herself strictly every day, and she does everything well. He always believed that he could have better development.
However, in the last three years, no matter whether it was income, position, or standard of living, there has not been a good increase.
Therefore, these days, he is very depressed, feeling that what he does not make sense, as if being drawn invisibly by something, so that he cannot escape from the status quo.
I said that there was a kind of "helplessness, even doubting the meaning of hard work?"
He said it was exactly that.
In the first few years since Uncle Liang joined the job, he often felt helpless. This feeling stems from a lack of reward. By now, you will doubt all positive things.
At that time I was very diligent. I wake up at 5:30 am to study English, and after afternoon work I go to night school. When I get home at 9:30, I have to study for 1-2 hours, look for books and enter good theories, or read paragraphs and record them on a tape recorder.
When I go to work on the bus the next day, I use a repeater to listen to yesterday's recorded content, because I don't want the 40 minutes of driving to go to waste.
Now there are so many software for listening to books, I really envy young people today.
Yes, I work like this day after day, but the results are not ideal.
Still being scolded by the boss, still getting a bad salary, life doesn't change for the better, this situation lasts for almost 5 years, even if I change 3 jobs.
During that time, it was really hard. All the hard work seems to be a self-directed, self-acting joke, and it's not turned into something real. What could be more annoying for a young, motivated man than this?
Hence, such helplessness always struck, causing people to fall into a kind of inseparable gloom.
I'm not complaining, but I want to tell you as someone who came, why do you feel helpless?
Because you are a motivated person, because you are full of hope for the future.
If you were the one who could get through and live in chaos, you wouldn't have this feeling.
The reason is simple, you will give up control, and you will receive whatever God gives you, if there is no hope, there will be no gaps, and of course there will be no sense of helplessness.
Therefore, feelings of helplessness arise from a struggle for control, when you want to control your own destiny, but fail to succeed, feelings of helplessness will follow.
What can you do at this time?
In fact, you don't have to do too much, just do something that makes you feel in control.
An American psychologist has conducted an experiment.
The elderly in the nursing home were divided into two groups, one group was treated carefully. Activities such as eating and drinking, watching movies, walking around and receiving visitors are all well organized by the staff.
For other groups, let them plan their own arrangements, and then the hospital will help and cooperate with the elderly's ideas.
Of course, if you think about it, what else could the elderly think, namely eating and drinking Lazarus, watching movies, taking walks, and receiving visitors.
Three weeks later, the health of the former group of elderly people had deteriorated to some extent.
However, the mental and physical condition of the elderly group has improved.
Even though the activities of the two types of elderly people are basically the same, what's the difference?
This is a "sense of control".
The first group felt that they were only passively obedient and could not change.
The second group, otherwise they feel that they are in control of their life, of course this is just an illusion.
This illusion has an apt term: "a feeling of secondary control . "
What does it mean?
What true control means is that you have actually changed the objective world and adapted it to suit your own needs.
Secondary control is defined as the "feeling" of "thinking that you can change the objective world."
Even though it's just a feeling, it really helps the physical and mental health of ordinary people.
From this, you can think that most of our efforts will take a long time to earn an award. Without an immediate response, you will become very anxious and suspicious.
You can pull yourself away from that big proposition and do the little things with feedback. At this time, you can ease feelings of helplessness and find a sense of control.
For example, growing a succulent, keeping pets.
Or, learn some skills that can measure the rate of improvement.
This can increase your sense of reassurance, and also keep you from being too troubled on your way to growth.
These things will take up some of your energy, but are invaluable, just as life growth is a marathon, they train runners and will keep you from giving up easily during long journeys.