When I first looked at the title, "How to Win Friends and influence People", I felt it was way too easy. I thought, "Just be nice to be people and you are good to go". But then I thought deeper. Does it mean everyone who is termed successful is 'nice'? I don't think so.
Humans, to me, are one of the most complicated creatures on earth. They are hard to decipher and understand. But when you do find a way around a certain behaviour or trait to control, it becomes 10% easier.
If you are building a brand or starting a business or currently in one, you need to master the art of human relationships, whether you like it or not. People, are considered the backbone of any business.
You want to be an author, you need people. You want to be an online sensation, you need people. You want to be an underground Lord, you still need people. As far as you attach a sense of importance to your existence, you need people to make that dream come to pass.
That's why Dale Carnegie, the author of the book, sat down and brainstormed hard, trying to find ways one can get to understand people , like them and win their hearts in return.
Here is the summary of Part One on How to Win Friends and influence People and lessons learned.
Chapter One: 'If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive'
Criticism brings the worst in people. People rarely blame themselves for any bad thing/mistake that happens. Instead, they justify their actions and prove to themselves how their actions are right in all ramifications.
If we want to win people's hearts, we should learn to talk in a friendly and nice way. In a way that the other person sees that you are sincere and have their best interest at heart. Even if it means correcting them in something they did that was by all means, wrong.
"Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. To know all is to forgive all". -Dale Carnegie.
Dale Carnegie studied the life of Abraham Lincoln for ten years. Abraham Lincoln was, according to secretary of War Stanton, "the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen".
Lincoln was initially a hard-core critic. Wrote insulting letters and would put or drop them on country roads where everyone could see them. He never hid his feelings, both good and bad, but for sure, the bad feelings that were expressed, sure brought resentments.
But after a personal incident he had with Shields that almost led to death, he changed his mindset. Changed how he saw people. Never wrote insulting letters. Gave everyone a chance to come clean or prove themselves worthy of the task.
N:B- "It is foolish to scold. Understand the fact that God did not distribute evenly the gift of intelligence" - John Wannamaker.
Chapter Two: The big secret of dealing with people.
Learn to appreciate. Avoid flattery. Appreciation is sincere. It is from the heart and it shows what you think of the person, whereas, flattery is the exact opposite. Flattery is made from the mouth and felt there, and it shows or says what you think of yourself.
Flattery = Cheap praise
Appreciate the little things. Humans who are appreciated more for their efforts, tend to be more productive and great at their work. And that, leads to making anybody eager to do your work for you.
Appreciation gives a person the feeling of importance. They think, "Alas! Someone sees the good in me!". If one can be appreciated, even for the smallest things, they develop the sense of importance. You see them wanting to do things more for you and having the eagerness to prove their worth constantly. Be honest in appreciation.
N:B -"…the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from supervisors." - Charles Schwab.
Chapter Three: He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
"The only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it" - Dale Carnegie.
Humans care less of what you want or need. When approaching people with a service or request, all you have to talk or write about is how that service can be of help to them.
If you are trying to make them stop a particular thing, show them the good things they will be lacking in the long run if they should continue the bad behaviour.
When you tell people what they want to hear and how it will favour them, they want to buy or pay attention to you eagerly.
If you are thinking of how you'll convince someone, ask yourself these questions:
"How can I make this person do it?"
"What will the person gain if they listen to me?"
"How will I behave if I was in the person's shoes?"
Henry Ford gave a best bit of advice regarding fine art of human relationships, which says, "If there is any secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own".
Never focus on what you want when trying to convince someone. It makes the person lose interest easily. When doing business dealings and you have a great idea to put out, make the person/people listening bring up the idea, instead of making it look like it's yours. That way, they could bring up some things to help improve or boost the idea.
N:B- "First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way." - Harry A. Overstreet.
Conclusion
As I said earlier, humans are one of the most complicated creatures on earth and if you can get a glimpse of understanding about them, the task seem pretty easier. Understanding people can make one succeed in virtually anything, he/she puts hand into.
Each chapter is linked in a way. It all depicts that we should learn to put people's need before us. Let them see that you have their best interests, and things start working for you easily.