One of my skeletons

Here’s my story about something people rarely write about on social media or platforms like Steemit, especially when it’s about themselves.

I don’t remember ever coming across a post like this. It doesn’t mean I was the only one who did something wrong while everyone else was a saint. Of course not. People just don’t like talking about things like this, especially publicly. You know how it goes — we all have a couple of dusty skeletons tucked away in the closet.

Though I’m not a religious person, let this be my confession to whoever reads this post.

My wife and I married young; I was barely 21 when our first child was born. Back then, I was on Kazakhstan’s national judo team and was constantly traveling for training camps, competitions, flights, and more. And that’s when I started cheating on her.

I became a regular on dating sites. As soon as I had any free time, I’d dive into profiles, look for suitable girls, and sometimes meet up with them. And you know, I never told any of them “I love you” or gave them any false hope. You might think I’m just trying to excuse myself here — maybe, but it’s true. I didn’t make any false promises. Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself, thinking, “Yeah, I messed up, but at least I could have been worse.”

These affairs went on for quite some time. My wife caught me a few times through my messages. We argued, and we came so close to divorce that I nearly lost her forever. But somehow, we managed to avoid it. After going through all that, I finally understood that losing someone close for the sake of a brief thrill is just not worth it. You might get a fleeting sense of satisfaction, but you’ll lose something far more important.

For a long time, I kept going back to those dating sites, just browsing profiles without messaging anyone — as if I’d become addicted to it. But I haven’t visited any of them for over two years now. My phone doesn’t have a password anymore, and I’m no longer afraid of my wife seeing something that would hurt her.

Sometimes the temptation comes back to scroll through profiles on a dating site, but now I know how to handle it. I open a tab with some porn, and that’s enough. Pure physicality. The perfect solution.

What do I think about it now? Infidelity is for those looking for drama. I’m not that person anymore. I prefer simplicity, directness, without all the nerve-racking emotions. I don’t cheat — not because I’ve become a saint, but because I’ve found meaning in other things that truly matter. I don’t know what the future holds, but today, I feel a lot happier than I was back then.

Image created by the author in the Canva app