Recently, an acquaintance told me how he’s raising his three-year-old son. He bought him a punching bag, teaches him to hit — properly, with force. He proudly mentioned how his son often ends up standing in the corner at daycare for hitting other kids.
And that got me thinking. Maybe I’m the one raising my child wrong? Maybe he’s too soft for this world? Am I preparing him enough for people raised the way this boy is?
On one hand, I don’t want my son to be the first to pick a fight, to learn to solve things with his fists. On the other, I don’t want him to be a target for kids like this little fighter. So how do you decide what’s more important: knowing how to defend yourself or staying human? Where’s the line?
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Learning to fight for self-defense and to protect the ones you care about also counts as staying human, right?
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For example, a dog knows how to protect itself and its loved ones, but what does that have to do with being human? Although I must admit, I prefer dogs. Here, I’m reflecting on the contrast between humanity and compassion on one side, and the promotion of cruelty on the other.
I probably made a mistake by not teaching my son self-defense. It's important to understand that self-defense isn't about cruelty, but about protection when there’s no other option. Yet, some teach their children to be aggressive, saying, "If someone doesn’t like you, hit them and don’t be afraid." That’s no longer self-defense; it’s violence, and their "good job" feels like endorsing savagery.
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When it comes to self-defense, the goal should be teaching children why and when to stand up for themselves.
Dogs are oftentimes better than humans. I, too, prefer dogs. But who, in their right mind, teaches their kids to hit other kids? Is that Dad on coke? 😄
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Unfortunately, there are many like that in the region where I live.
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I've asked myself this question three times - I have three children of my own who are all adults now. I thought it was important for them to be able to defend themselves if someone tried to hurt them. At the same time, however, children should learn values that teach them that fighting is an unnecessary form of conflict and better is any kind of communication.
At the age of three, children are not ready for either one or the other. We started with judo at pre-school age, especially with the falling school. Children fall so often and this helps them to avoid more serious injuries (falling from a horse, from a tree, over their own feet, skateboard, ...)
Once their fitness and reflexes are in order and they have practised their awareness of people and situations, they should be safe - without appearing too soft or too helpless.
My middle son has taken these beginnings to a professional career in mixed martial arts. He is the most gentle and conciliatory person I know ;-))
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Good thing you warned me; now I’ll choose my words even more carefully when replying to you 🙂
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