Some people may feel that they are already smart. Just because their average report card score is above 8. As if that result will continue to determine their intelligence until they grow up. So that the desire to learn is gone.
In fact, people with a fixed mindset are too afraid to step forward, because they don't want to accept the fact that they are stupid. They would rather do something easy over and over again and get praised. Rather than doing something difficult and then getting criticized.
People with a fixed mindset feel smart when they do something faster than others. Unlike people with a growth mindset. They don't label themselves smart. They label themselves as learners. They believe that they can achieve anything with effort. They don't believe in innate talent.
That's what I learned from Carol S. Dweck's mindset book after reading 45 pages. Of course I realized that all this time I had a fixed mindset. I'd rather not try at all than after trying I still fail.
Failure for me is a bad thing that cannot be tolerated. It's a sign that I'm stupid, useless and other negative things. After reading the book. I realized how black and white my mindset has been all this time. And from there I decided to change my mindset.
I tidied up the messy books back to their original places. To the bookshelf that I put next to my bed. welcoming a new identity. "Hi, welcome afre" I greeted myself. The cloudy sky was also hot again. As if nature was also happy with this identity.
The sun has repeatedly set and risen. New days continue to change. After 1 month ago I decided to change. The changes are already visible. It is undeniable that laziness sometimes attacks. And several times I was tired. But my motivation remained unchanged.
I began to dare to poison my friends to change their mindsets too. But after a month, their changes were slower than expected. I began to ask why. Why are the changes different?
Okay, everyone has their own abilities. But what I see, this is not about ability or differences in motivation. Because in fact, she has been smarter than me since high school. I also started looking for the most striking differences between me and my friend. And this is the right day to observe that.
"Fre, I'm already in front, you go out" said Fisi when she called me. She had been faithfully waiting on the motorbike in front of the gate.
"Wait a minute, I'll close the boarding house door first" I replied. The cellphone was still attached to my right ear with my head also tilted to the right.
It didn't take long. I immediately approached Fisi after putting the boarding house key in my bag. Fisi looked neat in a crop top and black leggings. Wearing a black bogo helmet with writing on the back of her head. A small bag was attached to her right armpit.
"So you bought a gift for your boyfriend?" I asked incredulously.
"So, why would I come all the way to pick you up if it doesn't happen?" Fisi answered somewhat sarcastically.
In the end, I just obeyed and took him on a piggyback ride to one of the busiest malls in the city. Just parking, you have to go around looking for an empty one. And finally, after several people walking around, I found an empty space some distance from the back door of the mall. But that's okay, the important thing is that you can still park in the mall area.
Fisi and I walked straight away. And this is where I know something. "Fre, I'm actually not sure if he will accept my gift," said Fisi. His face looked a little desperate and resigned.
"Yes, you honestly didn't buy it for him, the problem is that there's no event, no birthday, no circumcision, no wedding either," I replied with a little joke.
"Yes, you're a little clever, why don't you get circumcised a long time ago, that's for sure, his birthday is still a long way off, and when he gets married, I'll be standing next to him greeting everyone, including you. "This is a form of my effort so that he doesn't get angry anymore, Afrezaaaa," explained Fisi, a little irritated by the movement of her hand pressing against my cheek.
"You're confident about getting married. Yes, then, why do you think whether he will accept or not, what's important is that you tried."
"Still, I'm afraid he won't accept it, what if he doesn't like it, my efforts will be in vain. "I have to look for an expensive gift so he likes it."
"Maybe this time will be different," I thought. "It doesn't have to be expensive, as long as he knows your efforts will likely be accepted whether he likes it or not," I answered Fisi. And I started thinking while accompanying him around the mall.
He is too focused on the result rather than the process. From what I read, We should live our lives in harmony with nature. That means, we live according to the duties of a human being. Because that is what distinguishes us from animals.
Humans have reason. And with reason we can think, what things are appropriate to contemplate. According to the book of philosophy terrace by Henry Manampiring, we can separate it into 2 basic concepts, namely things that can be controlled and things that cannot be controlled.
Examples of things that can be controlled are our own feelings, our opinions, the way we see things etc. that are related to ourselves. While things that cannot be controlled are things outside of ourselves such as Fisi's boyfriend's opinion about the gift that will be given later, or whether or not he likes it.
From Fisi's case, what can be controlled is Fisi's feelings, her will to not care about whether her boyfriend likes it or not later. She just needs to do the best she can to make her boyfriend happy with her gift. Whether or not she likes it comes later.
And because Fisi is too focused on things that she cannot control, that's what makes her energy run out first.
Here I realize. The harmony of this philosophy terrace with my desire to change my mindset is the most important factor. I have been following the teachings of stoicism or this philosophy terrace. And as a result, I focus more on my internal goals rather than the outcome. I spent my energy on the system I was using to change my mindset without worrying about the target.
"Thank you, you want to accompany me," said Fisi after I got off the motorbike. The gate to my boarding house was slightly open.
"Well, who are you like? BTW, after this, do you want to give me a present straight away?" I replied, taking off my helmet.
"Yes, I've really given in, he accepts it, thank you, or not, the important thing is that I've tried."
"Okay, my bestie can't be so sluggish, your face is ugly when you're desperate," I said while laughing mischievously.
“Okay, I’ll go to my girlfriend’s place first, I’m afraid it’ll be too late, it’s already 4 o’clock”
“Okay, be careful, I have one message, just focus on what you’re doing, think about the results later, remember that effort will not betray the results”
Fisi smiled and nodded her head while restarting her motorbike engine. She waved her hand which I also waved back. She drove slowly until she was finally out of sight.
The next day I got a message from Fisi. She said that her boyfriend received a gift from her and seemed very happy with the gift. Of course I was happy. But if I think about it again. It’s useless for her to think about something she herself can’t do anything about.