"Je prendrai la crème brûlée au chocolat, s'il vous plaît'. Is that how you say it?" Holly asked Selina as they ate lunch in an exclusive restaurant in Paris.
"Yes Holly. That's perfect." Selina Kyle replied, smiling indulgently as she taught Holly how to order her dessert in French. After everything that had happened, everthing they both ran away from, it felt so good to see Holly laughing and having a good time.
About two weeks after coming to Paris, and making sure no one had followed her there from Moscow, Selina had flown Holly in to spend the last two weeks of her winter break in France. They visited all major French cities and ended up back in Paris, with a few days before Holly needed to go back. She would graduate later that year. She and Selina had also talked about what college she would go to, and what she would major in. Holly didn't have to think about what she wanted to study. She had already decided. Computer science. Years of watching Selina work through the most complicated security systems, access the most strictly guarded files from the most reputed banks, had inculcated in Holly a desire to master computer technology. She often had daydreams of becoming a hacker! And when thinking logically, she aspired to work in information technology.
As they ate, Holly changed the course of the conversation to Selina's future plans.
"So, what are you gonna do now Selina?"
"Hmmm..... finish our meal, and then watch a movie. Wanna come?"
"Selina, you know what I mean!"
"There's a couple of more things I need to do before I can start doing what I really want to, Holly."
Holly knew all about Selina's grand ambitions. She also knew that the life her sister was choosing for herself would leave her with very little peace.
"Selina, you're so capable. You know so much. Why not use all of that and do something with it. I mean.... you can probably start a business with all the money you already have. Maybe move to London and open a gym/martial arts school. What I mean is.... maybe you're making your life more complicated than it needs to be."
"Wow! Look at you all grown up!"
"I'm serious Selina."
"Ok. Holly, listen very carefully. This world has taken a lot from me. A lot. And I'm not going to rest until I've taken a lot from this world. Until I've taken so much that I feel vindicated. You understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes Selina, I do. But I just want you to be safe and happy."
"I will be Holly. I promise, ok?"
Holly gave Selina a warm smile and nodded. She had never known anyone kinder, wiser, braver than her big sister. The woman who saved her from a hellish existence and gave her everything. She still didn't know all about Selina's past, but did know that she had known agony from a heartbreakingly young age. And all Holly really wanted for her was happiness.
Selina often laughed, she often cracked jokes. But Holly could tell that she wasn't genuinely happy. In fact, she used her humor and wit to hide all the pain she surely held in her heart. She could only hope that someday she would heal.
Later on, as she returned to her Hotel room after dropping Holly at the airport, Selina, or for all intents and purposes, Sophia Lemarr began preparations for departing France. Ever since her conversation with Shankar Upadhyay in that secluded cave in the Himalayas, it seemed India had been calling to her. Beckoning her to come find something she didn't know she had lost. Although she told herself the only reason she was going there was to further enrich her arsenal of skills.
Selina Kyle, now going by Elva Barr landed in Mumbai the next day. From there she took a flight to the state of Kerela before taking a bus to a town called Vadakara. She took in the lush greenery, the magnificent fauna, the clean atmosphere. This state was called "God's own country" for a reason.
In the early evening when the sky was just about to attain a golden hue, she arrived at Meenakshi Amma Gurukkal's Kalari. The Malayali word 'Kalari' meant a training space where the martial art Kalaripayattu was taught and practiced. Selina was excited to wield the Urumi, that fantastic combo of a sword and a whip that she had held briefly in her hand. The weapon that felt so familiar to her. However, she did know that there was more to this form of combat than just that one weapon. And she intended to learn it all.
As she entered the compound, Selina could see children, both boys and girls, training in the yard. Surrounded by banana and coconut trees were the kids and their trainer, a young lady no older than Holly. The natural beauty of the place, combined with the trainer's skill and the earnestness in those children, the way they tried to coordinate their movements, some of them as young as six years old, made for a rather wholesome sight. Selina stopped in her tracks and just took a moment to watch.
The young woman noticed her, and after telling her students to take a break, approached Elva with a smile.
"Hello! May I help you?"
"Oh! Um.... hi! I'm Elva Barr. I spoke to someone here on the phone..... about training in Kalaripayattu...."
"You must have spoken to Narayan! He's like our receptionist cum Amma's assistant." The young lady said to Elva as she took her to house in the middle of the compound.
"Amma?"
"Ah yes! That what we affectionately call Meenakshi Ji. She's our Guru and my grandmother. My name's Malini, by the way." She held out her hand as they arrived at the front door.
"Nice to meet you Malini!" Selina said, shaking the extended hand.
The door opened and they were greeted by a middle aged man, clad in a white dhoti and a blue kurta. His voice told Selina this was Narayan.
"Elva, this is Narayan." Malini told her, confirming what she suspected.
"Namaskaram Miss Elva!" Narayan joined his hands and greeted her cheerfully, "may I see your passport?"
"Namasskarram, sir" Selina was a little embarrassed at not being able to say the greeting properly, though Narayan didn't seem offended. She showed him what he asked for, and after looking at them for a few seconds, Narayan gave them back.
'Trusting folks, are you?' Selina thought to herself.
Malini told Selina to make herself at home, before heading back to her pupils.
"Miss, you had mentioned that you have had some combat training." Narayan said, as he escorted Elva.
"That's correct" she replied as she walked with him, "I've been trained in Boxing, Kickboxing, Karate, Krav Maga, Capoeira, Jui-jitsu and Hapkido."
"Impressive. You should do well under Amma's tutelage."
Amma. Meaning "mother".
Narayan and Elva arrived at one of the larger huts at the back of the property. Elva could hear the soft and gentle, yet firm voice of an elderly woman as she instructed her pupils. On seeing Meenakshi Gurukkal, Selina wondered just how good a fighter she would be. Though Shankar had spoken highly of her, the petite elderly woman in a cotton saree didn't seem to pose much of a threat. Malini said she was Meenakshi's grand daughter, that would mean that the lady would have to be in her late sixties or early seventies. How good could she possibly be? At her age....?
Selina's doubts only lasted until Meenakshi hadn't sprung into action to demonstrate a sword fighting technique for her students. Assuming a formidable stance, she matched each strike from her opponent, a junior instructor who was much larger and much younger than her, with incredible fluidity and near inhuman speed. Selina was quite awestruck.
After displaying a bunch of maneuvers that Selina had never even seen before, Meenakshi ended the spar by effortlessly disarming her opponent. While the guy was out of breathe, Meenakshi was completely unfazed. This woman certainly lived up to her reputation, and more.
The session soon came to an end and Narayan formally introduced them. The older woman's kind eyes took Elva in.
"It's nice to finally meet you Meenakshi Ji." Elva said politely. Simply dressed, soft spoken and unassuming though she was, Meenakshi exuded a kind of quiet authority.
"It's good to meet you too, Miss Barr. May I address you as Elva?" Meenakshi asked conversationally.
"Yes, of course."
"I'm told that a former student of mine advised you to come here. Shankar, wasn't it?"
"Yes....I met him in Tibet."
"Well Elva, it's almost dark and here it's lights out at nine pm. So why don't you join us for dinner in a while, before heading to bed? We will begin your training tomorrow morning, at sunrise"
"Oh sure! Sounds fine."
"And one more thing, Elva. As I'm sure you know, we do not charge any kind of fee here buy if a pupil wishes to make a donation, we do accept it. Narayan has told me of your contribution of a hundred thousand US Dollars. It is a rather generous gift and we appreciate it. But Elva, I hope that you don't think that donating such a large sum will buy you any kind of special treatment here."
"Ummm...no! No, of course not."
"Good. I'll see you in the Bhojan Griham in a bit. Please make yourself comfortable."
"Thank you, Meenakshi Ji"
"You can call me Amma, if you want. All my pupils do."
Narayan then took Elva to her room. Her bags had already been brought there. The room, while clean and organised just like the rest of the establishment, was quite simple, almost austere. A wooden cot, a writing desk, a chair and a small wardrobe. In the corner was a rolled up bamboo mat.
After letting her know that dinner would be served in thirty minutes, Narayan left Elva alone. Selina lay down on the bed for a while before she needed to change. Meenakshi, or Amma, made her a little nervous. The old woman had rightly guessed that she did hope to have some luxuries here, in exchange for the huge donation she had made. Selina didn't like the way Meenakshi had read her intentions. She has assumed she'd be able to pay these people off, and get better accommodations. She had heard of the simple living that was practiced in this place. And truth be told, she didn't like it. At all. After years and year of being accustomed to luxury and the finest things money could afford, she did not relish the idea of sleeping on a wooden cot. She figured she could ask if it would be ok for her to stay at a nearby hotel.
Dinner was served in the common dinning hall, or rather the Bhojan Griham. Selina sat on the floor with the other pupils as they all ate off of huge banana leaves. Malini sat next to her and explained to her what each dish was called and how it was supposed to be eaten. The food wasn't something Selina could complain about. She could definitely get used to idli with coconut chutney, and dosa with sambhar.
The next morning, at daybreak, Elva Barr arrived at the Kalari (the training space) and was greeted by Amma who was already there.
"Are you ready to begin your lesson, Elva?"
"I am. Do we spar for a bit so..."
"No, no child. That comes later. First we are going to calm your mind and get your body ready for physical exertion."
Amma had Elva sit across from her on the floor in Padmasan, a cross legged sitting position with each foot placed on the opposite thigh.
"Elva, I understand that you aren't unfamiliar with Indian meditation techniques."
"Yes, I practice Udgeeth Pranayam and Kapalbhatti every morning"
"Very good. Now I just want you to close your eyes for a bit, and breathe normally. Just to regulate your breathing."
After Elva had done what she asked Meenakshi continued.
"Now you're going to take one long and deep breath, but in three installments. The first installment will make your belly swell, the second will swell up your chest and the last one will make you feel a slight pressure around your head. This exercise is meant to calm your mind and help you relax."
Elva followed Amma's instructions perfectly, and to her surprise, she really did feel relaxed. In fact, she wished she could keep doing that for longer. Amma too noticed the change in her demeanor and couldn't help but smile. She broke her out of her tranquility however, as the lesson needed to continue.
"All right, now place your hand just under your nostrils and feel your exhalation. You will notice that one of your nostrils is exhaling more that the other. That one is your dominant nostril."
This was curious. Elva really could feel her left nostril exhale more than the other.
"Amma, my left nostril is dominant."
"Hmmm.... the left nostril is associated with calmness and relaxation, and the right one with physical activity. As your left nostril is dominant right now, it would be best for you to meditate for some time."
Elva was about to inquire when she'd be ready for some actual training, but Amma answered her question before she could ask.
"You can learn how to control the flow of air from your nostrils, Elva. Do you see that wooden staff in the corner? Go fetch it."
Elva looked in the corner and saw a short T shaped staff, and brought it to her Guru.
"This is a Yog Danda", Amma told her, "when you meditate, you rest one of your hands on it, such that the underside of your wrist is pressed against the wood. Whichever wrist rests on the Yog Danda, the corresponding nostril will become dominant. Do you follow?"
"I do." Elva replied, genuinely interested.
"Your right nostril is associated with your Pingala Nadi, that is your masculine energy or Shiv." Amma continued, While your left nostril is linked to your Ida Nadi, your feminine energy or Shakti. You activate your Pingala when you want to perform physical tasks, eat food, learn something new etc. Activate your Ida when you want to do things like meditate, enjoy music, self reflect. Got it?"
"Yes Amma. So, right now I should meditate, while activating my right nostril?"
"Yes, child. Go to any quite area in our premises and activate your Pingala to get your mind and body ready for training. But remember that initially this can take time. With patience and lots of practice you will be able to control your Pingala and Ida at will."
When training sessions with Amma finally began, Selina was shocked at how at sea she truly was against the older woman. She had always believed herself to be exceptionally quick, but Meenakshi Gurukkal's reflexes made her look like an amateur. Kalaripayattu tested her will, her mind and her body.
Amma however, did seem impressed with Elva. She inquired who had trained her.
"I learned Boxing, Kickboxing and Krav Maga, Capoeira and Hapkido from Ted Grant."
"Ted Grant? The World Champion? And what about the other arts you know?"
"I learned those from my Sensei. I.... I never learned his name though. All I can tell you is that he had lost both of his arms."
Amma let out a quiet gasp.
"The Armless Master! He taught you as well?"
"Is that what he's called? It's fitting, I guess."
"Your skills have been crafted by the very best, Elva. I expect great things from you."
Selina soon found out that Kalaripayattu wasn't just about combat. It included a whole range of skills including traditional medicine, bone and joint setting, and massages. Like a sponge, she soaked up all the knowledge that was laid before her. Her dedication even caused Narayan to share his personal journals on bone setting and joint manipulation with her.
As much as she enjoyed learning Kalaripayattu, Selina hadn't forgotten the other objective of her visit to India. She paid a visit to the Padiyanoor Devi Temple in Poovanchal, a district in Kerela. The temple itself was magnificent, dedicated to the Godess Chamundi Devi, a fierce form of Kali. For a while Selina just stood there among hundreds of devotees, not sure who she should talk to. This was until ine of the priestesses noticed her. She was a middle aged woman accepting the offerings that visitors made to the Goddess. She seemed to somehow recognize Selina. With a smile she asked her to come closer.
"You were sent here by Shankar Upadhyay, weren't you?" the woman asked as Selina approached "he sent us a very detailed description of you. That was nearly a year ago. I thought you'd never come."
"Yeah.... I was a little busy."
"What name are you going by?"
Whoa! That was unexpected.
"Elva" Selina said not giving away her surprise, "Elva Barr."
"All right Elva, how about you wait for a while and I will be with you shortly."
Selina sat on the floor of the temple, listening to the devotional songs that were being sung. Unique melodies that danced between tranquility and ferocity, much like the different shades of the Goddess they were praising.
Finally, the woman introduced herself as Avantika Samant and revealed that besides being a priestess at the temple, she taught quantum physics at the Kerela Technological University. She took Elva to the other side of the temple. They walked through the wide corridors and into a huge yard, and before them was a small stone structure. It was the size of a one room cabin. In it sat an old man feeding some of the many dogs and cats that loitered the premises. Some of them were missing limbs, but they all looked well cared for. Selina realized they were rescues.
Avantika introduced Elva to the old man as "Shankar's friend". The old man smiled and held out his hand.
"Elva, meet Dr Govind Iyer. He is a veterinarian who volunteers at the temple and looks after the animals we have rescued. He'll tell you where you need to go."
Avantika went back inside to attend to her duties.
"Why don't you help me feed our friends Miss Elva?", Dr Iyer said to her as he handed her some of the oats he was feeding the cats.
As Elva knelt down, the cats surrounded her and eagerly ate out of her hands. Some of the dogs joined them.
After observing the way the animals accepted her and displayed such trust in her, Govind said "It appears Shankar was right about you Miss Barr. Your aura does attract animals. However, it'll be upto Babiya to decide whether you're worthy of learning the Pashu Yog Siddhi* or not."
"Pashu....?
"Pashu Yog Siddhi. The art you aspire to learn. These are Sanskrit words meaning Animal, Connection and Knowledge or Ability respectively. So, literally translated, it's the knowledge/ability to form a connection with animals."
"Fascinating. So who's Babiya?"
"She's right behind you!"
Goving told her rather casually, as a huge river crocodile emerged from the pond nearby and began walking towards them.
Selina's excitement turned to fear. Did she come all this way just to become the afternoon meal of this big, scary croc? Should she just run away?
"Ummmm.....Dr Iyer? What's going on?"
"Don't be afraid, madam. Babiya has lived here for the last 6 decades. And she has never harmed a human being. She can be quite judgemental however. She doesn't accept food from just about anyone."
Selina's fear subsided, as Babiya the crocodile came to a halt a few feet away from them. She didn't seem aggressive, just mildly curious.
"Here, take this." Govind said, handing Elva a chunk of jaggery, "let's see if she let's you feed her."
Selina moved slowly, not wanting to startle the prehistoric beast. She got down on one knee before breaking off a piece of jaggery and offering it to the crocodile.
Babiya opened her mouth just wide enough to accept the small morsel and devoured it quickly. Selina's lips curved into a smile as she watch this "dangerous" animal eat out of her hand. It felt as though she was reconnecting with a loved one. Rediscovering a bond she never knew she needed. She broke the jaggery into several more pieces and fed it all to her new friend. Babiya even allowed herself to be petted before returning to the pond.
"All right, Miss Barr. Babiya has deemed you worthy. Please do come with me."
Elva began walking with Govind, but had a lot of questions.
"Dr Iyer, what just happened?"
"Oh? You mean Babiya*? You see, according to legend this temple has always had a crocodile protecting it. Before Babiya, there was a large male who lived in the temple pond. Unfortunately he was shot and killed by a British officer."
"That's awful!"
"Yes, it was. And just a few days after his death Babiya appeared, as if out of nowhere."
"Doc, why do you think these crocodiles come here?"
"Who knows? Maybe the temple's energy attracts them. Maybe some sages of ancient India made an eternal connection with these animals. One that lasted generations. It is just one of life's great and beautiful mysteries."
"That's incredible! And it's shocking that the outside world doesn't know about this."
"Well, my dear, that's because when the Western media looks at India, all they see is slums and poverty. They'll never tell you about the brilliance of our culture, the story of our survival, of our resistance against countless forces that tried to erase us."
Selina thought of all those news items regarding India she had seen on BBC. Even before visiting this country, she could tell the reporting was comically biased.
"Well who cares what they think!"
This made Govind laugh good naturedly.
"I'm glad smart people don't."
"So where exactly are we going?"
"To the Pashupati Temple in the middle of the jungle. Pashupati is a form of Shiv. The name Pashupati literally makes "God of the animals."
"I see...."
They walked a meandering path in the woods, with small talk filling the silence. Selina told him how she liked Kerela, how she loved the food. But didn't reveal much else, for obvious reasons.
Soon they stood at the mouth of a cave.
"The temple is in here" Goving said, as if it was the most mundane thing in the world. Before Selina could ask any further questions, he entered the opening. Seeing no sense in just standing outside, Selina followed him.
Selina had explored a fair number of caves in places like Ecuador, Peru, Indonesia etc. This cave system was as complex as any she had ever seen. She expected a lot of dirt, insects etc. Perhaps even a few bats. But strangely, the insides looked as though it had been cleared and a sort of path had been carved out. Indicating that the cave was frequently used by human beings. She did see some bats, but they didn't seem to mind her and Govind's presence. Again indicating that they were used to seeing humans.
As they moved deeper into the cave, Selina could hear a chant. It got clearer the closer they got to it's source.
'Jata tavi gala jjala pravah pavi tasthale,
Galeava lambya lambitam bhujanga Tunga malikam......'
She recognized it as the Shiv Tandav Stotram. A hymn representing Shiv's cosmic dance. She remembered her Sensei, the Armless Master, reciting it to her.
The chant rose as they finally entered the passageway leading to this underground Pashupati temple. There sat, in a semi circle, about two dozen women and men chanting the Shiv Tandav Stotram in unison. On the wall was an intricately detailed carving of Shiv in his Pashupati form. Seated in a yogic posture and surrounded with animals. In the centre of the temple, a small fire provided illumination. Govind bid Selina to sit down, which she did. She figured they'd be done only when the entire hymn had been sung. She started to feel a bit awkward just sitting there silently. As she remembered only small parts of it.
As if reading her mind, the man sitting right next to her produced a small booklet containing the Stotram written phonetically in English. He even pointed out where they were up to, so she could chant with everyone. Selina nodded her gratitude to the young, brown eyed man who acknowledged the gesture with a small smile.
After the nine minute long hymn came to an end, the oldest woman in the group took the ash stored in a brass bowl at the foot of the Pashupati carving and distributed it amongst everyone. Selina didn't know what to do with it.
"You can put that in your backpack" Govind told her, "and later you may pour it at the roots of a Peepal or Banyan tree."
She later found out that the ash for this ceremony, called 'Bhasm Aarti', was taken from pyres in cremation grounds.
As they exited the cave, Govind introduced Selina and the woman who distributed the ashes to each other.
"Namaskaram Doctor, this is the new pupil Shankar has sent your way. She wants to be called Elva Barr. Miss Barr, this is Dr Savitri Mukherjee. Naturalist and wildlife conservationist. She has been working to preserve the local wildlife here for the last twenty three years. She's also among the few Masters of Pashu Yog Siddhi."
"I'm honoured." Elva said to the older woman who gave her a warm smile.
"I look forward to working with you, Elva. You have already met my current protege....."
She gestured towards the young man who had helped Selina.
"Raghav. Raghav Trivedi." he introduced himself in a deep baritone, as he and Selina shook hands.
"Elva Barr. I appreciate your assistance."
Now in broad daylight, she was able to truly appreciate just how handsome he was.
"Raghav, has been learning Pashu Yog Siddhi for about a year now. I'm sure he will help you learn too."
"Certainly!" Raghav added.
Dr Mukherjee asked Raghav to show Elva around the forest. To "introduce" her to the local wildlife. Selina figure that this guy's animal wrangling skills must be quite commendable. She and Raghav began to converse as they walked.
"So Elva, I assume you're American."
"Yeah, but I've been living in Paris for the last few years. Does Dr Mukherjee get a lot of non Indian students?"
"Dr Mukherjee doesn't have many students, be them Indian or non Indian. Because most people who seek to learn the Pashu Yog Siddhi don't make it past the Padiyanoor Devi Temple."
"They get rejected by Babiya?"
"They get rejected by the dogs and cats and don't even get a chance to be judged by Babiya!" Raghav said, while casually accepting a small fruit from a wild monkey. "At the temple, they observe how the rescued animals act around you. Most of those animals have been through some kind of trauma, as I'm sure you must have noticed."
Selina nodded her response.
"It's expected that they wouldn't readily trust humans. You have to be very special for them to let you near. And in rarest of rare cases, those animals would approach a stranger on their own volition. As I'm sure they must have done with you. That's how it's determined that you're ready to see the real judge. The crocodile."
"Makes sense." Elva said, "I don't think Babiya needed to be called. She just came out of the pond. I suppose she knew somehow....."
"Oh she knew." Raghav said as they sat down on an old tree stump and ate the fruit that the monkeys were bringing them. Selina had a fleeting thought about whether they should be washed. But brushed it aside. How often did you get to eat berries brought to you by monkeys?! Besides, it would probably strengthen her immune system.
"So, why do you want to learn the.... the... Pashu Yog Siddhi?" She asked Raghav.
"Well I'm a conservationist too. I'm trying to earn a PhD in Wildlife Conservation. In fact, I was Dr Mukherjee's student in college. I guess she saw something in me and offered to train me. But I too had to be judged by Babiya, of course."
"Of course!" Selina repeated with an indulgent smile. She was rather enjoying Raghav's company.
"How about you?" He asked.
"I'm...... an adventurer and I like to travel and pick up new skills along the way." Elva replied, feigning an air of superiority, obviously meant for comedic effect.
"Do you usually use humor to avoid answering questions, Elva?"
Selina was about to think of a witty retort, but Raghav interrupted her.
"Hey, it ok! We all have our defence mechanisms. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
And once again Selina was at ease.
They spent a couple of more hours roaming around the forest. Raghav's skill in communicating with the animals was truly something to behold.
On returning to the Padiyanoor Devi Temple, they found Dr Iyer, Dr Mukherjee and Avantika Samant sitting in the yard, taking and feeding the animals.
"So Elva, when would you like to begin your lessons?" Dr Mukherjee asked.
"Well Dr, I'm also training in kalaripayattu at Meenakshi Gurukkal's Kalari. I'm gonna have to talk to her and work out a schedule."
"Oh! The lenged herself is training you! You're lucky. Here's my business card. Let me know whenever you're ready."
It was almost dusk when Selina returned to Meenakshi's Kalari. She was gone way longer than she anticipated she would be.
She was confronted by a very sombre looking Malini.
"Elva, with all due respect, but I should remind you that we have certain rules here. If you're going to be gone for several hours, you need to at least call and let us know. You've missed the afternoon training session."
There was something about the young lady's tenacity that reminded Selina of Holly. This wasn't all that different from the way Holly used to scold her when she did something reckless.
"It's ok, Malini." Amma's gentle voice came from behind them. "Let Elva come through. I'd like to speak to her."
Malini let out a sigh, then turned to Elva and gave her a shrug. As if to say "looks like you're off the hook".
Amma invited Elva into her cottage and poured her some tea.
"Amma, I should probably apologise for missing our afternoon session. I was..."
"You were at the Padiyanoor Devi Temple, and you met with Dr Savitri Mukherjee in order to learn Pashu Yog Siddhi."
"Yes.... how did you..?"
"I recieved a call from Dr Mukherjee. She and I are old friends. And we agreed that if you're going to be educated under both of us, we need to figure out a suitable schedule for you."
"Yes, I think we'd have to if I'm going to manage both."
"Here's my suggestion. It can be dangerous to into the forest after dark. So right after breakfast, you can set off for Thiruvanthapuram. You'd be at the temple in an hour if you take the eight am bus. This'll give you five hours with Dr Mukherjee, followed by lunch at the temple cafeteria. You'd be able to catch the three pm bus home and come back here by four. After some rest, we will train until dinner time, or eight o clock. And then for another hour, two hours after you've eaten. I know this is quite intense....."
"No, it's fine. I can do it."
"Good. We do have a rule here that everyone is to be in bed by nine. But since you're learning two complex art forms simultaneously, we can make an exception."
"I understand, Amma. I appreciate you accommodating me."
"Elva, there is something else I want to discuss with you. Narayan told me you wish to stay in a hotel."
"Amma, I mean no disrespect. I just feel that I'd be more comfortable in a hotel" Elva answered, before hastily adding, "not that your establishment isn't good enough. It's just...."
"It's all right Elva." Amma said, with her usual warm smile, "you haven't offended me. I do feel that you're running away from something. Does living in such austere conditions frighten you? Does it bring back any bad memories that you wish to bury?"
Selina tried to think of a reply.
Damn this woman was good!
"Though I doubt it's the lack of material comfort itself that bothers you." Amma went on, "No, you're a tough woman and wouldn't have a problem with sleeping in a bare wooden bed. It's something else. As I said, austerity invokes certain memories in you. That's what you're running from."
Selina was getting uncomfortable now.
"Amma, I understand that you're concerned. But I really don't wish to talk about this."
"Look Elva, I cannot force you to do anything against your will. If you decide to stay in a hotel room, then of course you can. However, you need to understand something. Kalaripayattu requires it's practitioners to strengthen not only their bodies, but their souls as well. Our ancient texts narrate how Lord Shiv himself taught this martial art to the warrior Parshuraam*. And Parshuraam in turn trained monks and warriors of the time. This isn't just another fighting technique. It's ancient wisdom that goes back to the very dawn of our culture. Elva, by not addressing your fear, you are keeping your soul weak. You will not become a true Kalari warrior, unless you strengthen it."
Selina looked down, as Amma's grave, yet gentle gaze seemed to burrow into her.
"Ok. I might as well do this." Elva said after a moment's silence. "I.... my sister and I grew up in abject poverty. Our father, I'm not even sure if he really was my father, was an abusive alcoholic. Our mother worked hard to provide for us, but sometimes it wasn't enough to even put food on the table. Sometimes I had to steal food. I remember one winter when my mother had to sell all our mattresses to pay the electricity bill. I promised myself that someday..... someday, I would have all the money I could ever spend. That I'd live like a Queen and would never have to endure those those horrible conditions again."
Elva paused for a second, and composed herself. Amma sensed her anguish and placed a reassuring hand over her shoulder.
"Your establishment is beautiful Amma." Elva continued, "In fact, I've never lived in a place with such natural beauty. But when I look at my room with it's plain walls, the wooden bed with no comfy mattress, it takes me back to a place I do not like to visit."
"Elva, you have travelled to a foreign country to learn an ancient art form. It would be rather tragic if you don't allow yourself to gain full benefit of it. Besides, you mentioned that you also wish to learn Hathya Yog. One of the basic requirements of learning it is renouncing comfort."
"You're right"
"The best way to defeat fear is to tackle it head on. So my suggestion to you would be to continue to stay here. Live here as the ret of us do. Embrace our simple lifestyle. And when memories from your childhood haunt you, do not run from them. Let them give you strength. Let them serve as a reminder that you survived, and that your trauma could not destroy you. Tell me, are you willing to give it your all?"
"I am."
"Then tonight, you are going to stay outside under the stars, on the ground with nothing but a bamboo mat. You are going to savour the discomfort. Let it wash over you and become a part of you. Embrace it, even if it frightens you."
"That's....." Elva let out a nervous laugh, "Ok Amma, I'll do as you ask."
"I have faith in you, Elva. I don't know about your past, but I do know that you're a courageous woman who has braved many challenges. This is but one if them."
Selina slept outside in the yard that night with the cows, the dogs and the fireflies. The ground was dried mud and not nearly as uncomfortable as she had feared. The days were humid during this time of the year, but a cool breeze would blow at night. Following Amma's advice, Selina meditated for thirty minutes, while attempting to activate her Ida. As she lay down on her back, with the stars looking down on her, memories of good times she had had with Maggie came back to her. Of two young girls who found joy in watching the stars from their building's terrace, when they snuck out after everyone had gone to sleep. This time however, she didn't push them away.
Not even when tears filled her eyes.
Not even when her mind replayed the memory of a drunk Brian finding them on the terrace. Of Selina hiding Maggie behind the water tank so only she would bear the burnt of his rage.
Not even when she remembered watching the stars from a window of the orphanage, and wondering if her sister was all right.