BASIC GUIDING PRINCIPLES FOR CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER

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There are physical (or outward) attributes,personality (character) attributes and spiritual attributes. In choosing a life partner,you must past attention to all these attributes.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

• Natural attraction :

Amongst animals,the process of choosing a mate is determined by their physical and natural properties, and to some extent,this holds truth to humanity as well.

The moment two people start contemplating marriage,all the factors that make up a successful marriage should be carefully considered.
Natural attraction is made up of two words:
Attraction: This is first of all a feeling. Being that is a feeling,it's fleeting,temporal and can be created and destroyed at anytime. It's a feeling of being drawn to someone or something,so it's basically about looks and chemistry between two people.

In choosing a life partner, you need to choose someone you want to be with and enjoy his/her company. You must not endure his/her company,but you should enjoy it.

A marriage that will last is not all about attraction, you must be compatible with the person and he/she must have a good character. It's better to marry someone whom you don't have feelings for and the person has a stable character,than to marry someone with a bad character that you have feelings for.

Natural attraction is natural and temporal,It can vanish at anytime. It's good,but you can't build a lasting relationship with them. If you get everything you want in a woman/man on the container (beauty) but she/he doesn't have the content (character/inner life spiritually),after a while you'll hate that woman/man,and those things that use to intrigue you will vanish.
Most people always get the content in a different container. In marriage you don't have to give all your attention to the container.

• Physical health

People marry people with permanent disabilities,not everyone can do that. Physical weakness can cause problems in marriage if you can't bee it. If you don't have such grace,don't go into it.
Two things that causes trouble in a marriage if the disabled:

1. Selfishness; when the man starts considering himself,if he's the abled one.
2. Self consciousness; when the disabled one starts feeling like a burden to the spouse.

• Family

Once a man gets married you get involved with the woman's family,and vice versa. You must put this into consideration.
The family traits of the person u marry can easily reflect in your own home.
Most families are strict,and in marriage it can easily be carried. But parents who are full of love & care raise children who have affection for each other.

If you want to take your family to the next level,better than that of your own parents,you have to start preparing and intentionally push.
Family traits are transferrable to the next generation. In most cases ,the way the mother treated the father will be the same way wife will treat her husband, except you allow the Holy Spirit work on you and reconstitute you. Some people have a very strong character,if a mum is domineering in the family,the daughter is likely to take such trait to their husband's house. If you're getting married to someone whose family traits are faulty,there's a need to make sure she's properly dealt with,and vice versa.

• Age

Women mature and age faster than men,both mentally and at times physically. The woman matures 5 years faster than the man and ages 10 years faster than him. It's a physiological fact.

As far as humans are concerned,there are two kinds of age processes;
Physiological age; physical development
Intellectual age; mental development.
It's possible for a person to be physiologically aged and still intellectually young.
Before marriage,one needs to consider whether he pays attention to physiological or intellectual age.

• Heredity

Consider the health history of the person including that of their parents. Genes are determinants of heredity ,and gene is carried from the parents to the children.
Consider the genotype of the person you're about to marry.

PERSONALITY ATTRIBUTES

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• Compatibility in personality

A marriage relationship will not work if there's no compatibility. This is the ability of two different people to relate in such a way that they complement each other.
It means being able to blend,and it can't be replaced with feelings. Natural attributes are temporal but compatibility of character is a factor that will last for a life time .

Compatibility has a lot to do with your character. Someone might be attracted to you physically,but you might not like the person's character.

If you meet someone that you don't like what the person likes ,you're not compatible.

Examples of Incompatibility

1. Outgoing as opposed to withdrawn.
2. Considerate as opposed to impertinence .
3. Organized as opposed to scattered.
4. Lively as opposed to quiet.
5. Liberal as opposed to stingy.
6. Kind a opposed to harsh.

Caution 1: Take note of important factors.

A lot of young people are interested in physical attributes. Natural attraction is one out of the many factors you need to put into consideration. Other things you need to consider are: spirituality and compatibility.
In marriage, choose someone who attracts you
Choose someone whose personality agrees with yours.
There's nothing wrong with natural attraction,but it's only a side of the coin.

Caution 2

You can't change the other person. It even takes the Holy Spirit time to change a man's personality.
Don't expect the man /woman to change,if he/she will change it'll be the work of the Holy Spirit.

• Compatibility in goals and interest

This has to do with a person's driving force in life.
While goals points towards one's life's purpose,interest points towards what one enjoys doing.
This is a factor to critically consider.

• Disposition

This is an inclination or tendency to act or behave in a particular way. Example: weakness.
Weakness is an aspect of one's character that is undesirable.
Some weaknesses are inborn ,while others are acquired. When a character trait involves a moral issue,it's a weakness. Examples: Lying, impatience, laziness,hot temperdness , meanness,etc.
There are some weaknesses that unbearable, marriage will not work when couples have characters that are unbearable.

SPIRITUAL ATTRIBUTES

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We shouldn't marry unbelievers,it should never be considered. For the success of a marriage there must be spiritual unity between the two parties. The both of you must be in the same spiritual realm.

When you marry a believer,you function at the same spiritual frequency. Marry a believer who functions at the same spiritual frequency as you.

You need to put into consideration consecration. It gives marriage a solid foundation. Don't have sex with your partner before marriage.
One of the reasons why you should consider consecration is because after a while, natural love will fade away and then you'll have to work with divine love.

TAKING TIME TO PLAN

Anything in life that must come out as desired must be well planned.
Write down the attributes you want in a woman and pray with it.

Spiritual quality	Character quality	Emotional quality	Physical quality

CONCLUSION

In choosing a life partner,God will not give you all you want in a man/woman,but he'll/she'll have all you need.

Thank you.