Why has it all been this way? Am I at fault? I keep thinking of what I should be doing, but in the end, I end up doing nothing. I feel useless to the point that I stopped doing what I like. I doubted myself, my capabilities to make it all work. And that, I think, was the start of my greatest downfall.
I have never opened up to anyone about what's been happening lately. It was never recent. It's been years (if I may be honest) that I haven't done anything good enough to call an achievement. Achievement to me is when the people around me are happy with what I had and with what I've been. And I can see that I failed on that part.
It was never the same. I spent so many days that I often forget about my sufferings and who that person I was. From before, that person in me wanted to remember how those failures feel inside. I desired to turn that into motivation in which in the latter would become my greatest weapon. As I emerged to become a writer because of that circumstance, I know, motivation and passion have to be always present. When you have that to your heart and mind, you'll be capable of things that will surprise you.
I have all that in mind. Although I was suffering at that time, I'm still trying to convince myself that everything will eventually get better. And that all of this will not last long. Every time I say that to myself, I can't deny that there's still a part of me that is being discouraged. I can't help but feel that way.
I'm just an ordinary person. I don't get to have what others can have in a blink of an eye. And although what I said sounded pure jealousy, I know that I am fortunate enough to be able to live comfortably. So many people may have wanted the life you have, but you were blessed by it. Deep within my heart, I am sincerely thankful.
Wake up with a grateful heart. I've always reminded myself of that, but it gets hard when you see what is happening in reality. You realize that it's another day of toughing it up and making it better than yesterday. You try your hardest not to make the same mistakes and progress even better. You keep telling yourself of that. And it exhausts you, even more, when you've come to realize what it does to your life.
That is why patience takes time. It takes an enormous amount of understanding of why things have to go this way. And why this is all happening. If we have reasons, everything has their reasons too. They don't happen just because they have to; they have a purpose. And that significant meaning is best when you've to realize what does to your life.
Eventually, everything will get better. I have said this twice already, and I want to remind myself of it once more. Not everything will remain the same. Everything has to come to an end. And I want to tell that to people who may have had the same suffering as mine. I know at the end of all this, it's going to be worth it.
Give yourself a rest and take breaks. Although I know you've been behind schedules, you can still achieve as many goals as you can. Let your pace take place. Remain calm, and always remember your reason why you first started all this. You almost forget how important is that to you.
To see you smile, that maybe is the best achievement you can have. I want to see that to your face one day. I want to see you with an innocent smile that's filled with joy and happiness. I sincerely wish you that.
These are my thoughts. It may have been this short, but these are what comes to mind. And I hope for you to read all these over and over. I hope you could remind yourself of these things. You'll do good. Don't you want to know how you can get out of this miserable life? Toughen it up, and let's have another talk until the day comes. Have fun on the journey!
Disclaimer: I'm taking this chance not to ask for kind words from anyone, but all the more, I want to remind myself about the present circumstance that I have. Still, I would be grateful to hear kind words from everyone who may appreciate it.
