Steemit Engagement Challenge | S14W3 | Parent's Strict Behavior and Children's Mental Health

In Africa countries especially Nigeria, strict parenting is a normal thing that every child pass through. Is like our normal way of life, a way of enforcing discipline to control the children or act in a certain way when the adults sense they are taking a wrong step. Parents in Africa, never fail to “spare the rod”, whenever they see you do wrong and as much as it has help shaped the lives of this children when they grow older, it also has it negative effects and I’ll be discussing with us some of these stuff as we go further.

Before going ahead to answer the several questions outlined below, let me this chance to invite @adeaze, @diary-of-ima and @blessingogah-1 to participate in the contest.

Whenever we have family gatherings. There are some set of children that are uncontrollable and very irresponsible. Each time they finish their dish, they litter their dirty plates on the dining table, always the last to leave the bed and very saucy. Always talking to their elders as if they’re age mates. Among everyone’s room in the house, there own room is always disorganized. My senior sister, which happens to be their mum is always screaming at the top of her voice all the time to control her children but it wasn’t having any head way.

It became so bad that she tries to bribe the last daughter with some money, so they could try and behave themselves during the family gatherings. It was becoming unbearable for everyone but everyone’s hand was tied because we were all looking up to the mum to pacify her children during the meetings. Other kids was always well behaved and organized.

Unluckily for the children, their mum was needed at work and she left the children in our care why she hurriedly go to sort out work stuff. As usual, during the meeting, they started their disturbance, everyone has tried using peaceful means like their mum to convince them to please coordinate themselves but it wasn’t working out. We were all getting pissed of with the behavior, my dad now used his slippers to beat his grandchildren mercilessly, they cried so loud but nothing they could do about it.

Then her first daughter, heard the noise of her siblings and rushed out of her room and asked what happened, they now reported that grand pa beat them. She started talking to her grand dad in an high tone and in a disrespectful way. A girl of 13 years. If only she knew the family she came from, she never would have dared it. See slaps and slippers coming from different directions landing on her body and face. That was the day her brain reset to factory settings. She cried through out that day till her mum came home. Since their was no mark on the children bodies… no evidence!!😊

But that day marked the beginning of a new era whenever they come spend the holidays with grandparents. They became as cool as ice water. Whenever their parents try to control them and they don’t listen to them, they will call either me or my senior brother to discipline them. No one ever bothered touching them again but the beat they had that day still scares them till now. We know longer have to shout before they wash their plates. When they go home they can continue to tumble their house but once they’re in grandpa’s house you are under control.

For me, I have always been a staunch believer of the quote:

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spare the rod and spoil the child

But I’m also against it, when is been done excessively or without love. When you are trying to correct a child you don’t have to give the kids bodily injury or cane stripes all over his body like a zebra.

In Nigeria there is this popular saying that

when you beat a child with the left hand, you should bring him close to you with the right hand.

The bringing him/her close to you in this context above means bringing them closer to you with love. Telling him the reason why you beat them and why they shouldn’t repeat it again or still face the same consequences that they are facing now.

You don’t have to beat them with both left and right hand without any spare hand to drag them.. that’s when police comes into place to give you a taste of the same medicine. 😊😊

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Well as a child, I know my parents knows what is best for me and they don’t want me living astray but their should also be a time of advice as well instead of shouting or using canes all the time. Not every punishment deserves flogging.

I also expect my parents to also be fair in their judgment because their are times our parents will beat one child and not beat the other for same offenses committed by both of them. It makes the children feel that dad or mum is been partial and therefore you see that resentment towards parents.

Nigeria parents specifically, should learn how to tell there kids sorry whenever they make mistakes. Is not all the times that they are right. There are periods they also make mistakes as well. I remember when I was beaten mercilessly by my dad for something I didn’t do. When he found out, instead of him to apologize, he now bribed me with double meat inside my stew and plenty rice😂

Parents should learn to give their children a conducive environment for discussion with them. Is not all the time they have to inflict fear on the children all in the name of getting respect. It kills their self esteem when they grow up and might find it hard to express themselves when they are angry.

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I can say emotional blackmailing is done by children alone. Even parents also play that card on we the children just to get attention especially Nigeria mothers whenever they want to be cunning!!

You will hear statements like “after carrying you in my womb for 9 months, you think you can leave me empty handed without money”.

Emotional blackmail has its way of damaging relationships because of manipulation undertones that accompanies it all the time.

You know the funny part of this emotional blackmailer is that they go as far as following through with their threats just to get what they want and won’t give up easily.

It breeds a toxic environment because of the coercive tactics or behavior of one party.

There should be a balance. Is not all the time parents needs to use the rod as a means of correcting their kids in order to avoid the kids growing up with fear and lacking parental love. But in the end, there’s no one best way of raising a child, you just have to do your best and leave the rest for God.