There are two very important psychological themes in human life.

One is independence, the other is maturity.

The so-called independence is a process of finding and establishing oneself.

For example, a person has two rebellious periods in the first half of his life, one is about 3 years old, and the other is adolescence as everyone knows.

In these two periods, the most common word a person said was: No!

When a child keeps saying no to his parents, teachers, and people around him who are stronger than himself, he actually expresses the consciousness that I have to live according to my own ideas.

Therefore, this is a process of getting rid of dependence and building oneself.

Today we want to discuss another topic: maturity.

Most people are not unfamiliar with the term maturity, but its connotation is not yet fully discussed.

In my opinion, maturity is a continuation of independence, or further development.

If independence is a process of finding and establishing oneself, then maturity is a process of expanding oneself.

In terms of expression, one of the most typical characteristics of mature people is that they no longer say no lightly.

For example, when something is different from what they expected, they no longer easily say that it is wrong or should not be.

For example, when a person's thoughts or opinions are different from their own, or even completely opposite, they will not be particularly angry, or jump up to attack and refute.

In short, the core point of the maturity mentality is to make a person more and more receptive and accept the differences in life.

If we look at the people around us, we will find that a lot of people are stuck in the transitional period from independence to maturity. They are too obsessed with saying no and appear not so mature.

Simply put, there are three main manifestations of this immaturity:

Imature performance 1: When someone is different from what you think, just say no

Whether it is people or things, there will always be differences.

When faced with these opinions or attitudes that are inconsistent with their own ideas, the first reaction of immature people is:

How can you do this?

In other words, their instinctive reaction is to eliminate it, not to understand it.

One person once described such a feeling:

"When others have different views and opinions from me, I get angry and feel that I have been challenged."

This feeling is very representative. To put it loosely, this is also a very important reason why there is only quarrel but no argument on the Internet.

When a person can only seek common ground, but cannot save differences, he will confine his cognition to a small area and fail to grow.

When faced with a variety of differences, mature people will not easily say that this is wrong, and will not easily deny it. Instead, they will think from another perspective and understand with curiosity and exploration. Why does the other person think so? How does the other person feel?

When a person is not easy to say no to things that he does not understand, and to explore and explore these inconsistencies, differences and differences are no longer threats to cause tension and anxiety, but psychological nutrition to enhance mutual understanding and expand cognition.

This is a very important point to get rid of the immature mentality.

Immature performance 2: Do not accept the unfortunate experience that happened to oneself

One of the most typical characteristics of real life is that it does not depend on the will of human beings, especially the will of you alone.

You may be a good person, or you may be a kind person, who has never (actively) hurt anyone, but this does not prevent life from hurting you and causing you to suffer all kinds of misfortunes.

For example, some people’s native families are very happy, their parents are harmonious, and the parent-child relationship is gradually loving, while some people are born in a not-so-good native family, parents often quarrel, or often have domestic violence.

Compared with the former, did the children of the latter do something wrong?

I certainly can't say that, the only thing that can be said is that this child is a bit unfortunate.

However, a lot of things have happened, and there is no reason or justice in themselves.

Immature people often struggle with this, always in a mood where I am innocent and I am hurt. But this not only can't change anything, but keeps myself in a negative state of dissatisfaction for a long time.

Mature people will be aware of the complexity of reality and understand that as long as things happen, they should not worry about whether it should happen or not, but instead focus on how to deal with what has happened.

A bad thing will not stop hurting you just because it is unfair to you, but when we face it squarely and actively find a way to deal with it, this kind of harm will have a chance to be minimized.

Immature performance 3: Not accepting my imperfections

No one is perfect. Everyone understands this truth, but not all people will accept this.

Whether it’s anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or depression, the common point behind these problems is that they don’t allow themselves to make mistakes, and they are not allowed to make mistakes.

People who cannot accept their own problems think that the normal state of life is perfection, and failure to be perfect is a failure.

This looks very ambitious and even very inspirational, but it is actually immature to pursue too much.

Mature people understand that the normality of life is a complex of right and wrong. We pursue perfection, but they also understand that it can only happen through our own efforts and luck.

Therefore, mature people will accept their own imperfections. They understand that the important thing is not to eliminate their flaws, but to find and carry forward those special shining points in themselves.

Compared with unrealistic perfection, doing your best beforehand, accepting afterwards, and then constantly improving yourself, this kind of gradual growth is more important.