If you can’t get into that social network, don’t force itsteemCreated with Sketch.

in hive-120412 •  4 years ago 

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When I first worked, there were such people around me.

They are extroverted, they are familiar with everyone, and they can chat with strangers in a few words. In real life, I am keen to participate in various group activities and make friends all over the world. We often see them appearing on various occasions on WeChat, from neon bars to summit forums, and the photos they post are either handsome or beautiful or industry leaders.

In short, these people have a wonderful circle of friends, and they have become what most young people want.

At that time, I was young and ignorant, and every day I was forced to make PPT. Occasionally, I swiped the words "I met Mr. ABC at the XX conference again and learned a lot" on my mobile phone, coupled with the location of the hotel, which looks very high by the name below, I was both envious and jealous.

Because I really want to be one of them.

I realized how naive the thinking was at that time after many years.

I remember this because I received a private message from a reader a few days ago, and his experience is the same as me back then.

The letter from the Little A has just worked recently, and currently works in a large state-owned enterprise.

Little A said that compared to his own work in the office serving tea and water, his roommates hang around in various social occasions all day, either taking photos with celebrities or listening to big talks. Every time I go home, His face is full of spring breeze, bringing back a thick pile of materials, and never forget to encourage Little A:

"Your growth rate is too slow like this. You can only have a future by following me in a circle. Next time I will show you a few big guys. It's good for you to make more friends.”

Seeing this, I recalled the naive self who wanted to go to the circle, so I immediately stopped the idea of Little A and made him think again. Because no matter he or his roommate, he thinks about "mixing circles" too simple.

I admit that in order to gain a foothold in society and the workplace, personal connections are indeed very important. In many cases, whether you know the people in this circle or not plays a decisive role in making things happen. There are also various big-name circle stories on the Internet. It seems that if you know it, it is not difficult to find the other party to borrow tens of millions of dollars.

However, the real circle is not so simple.

Just like the glamorous people I envied many years ago, I haven't seen any of them mix well after many years.

On the contrary, many people spend too much energy in various social situations when they are young, and they do not have any abilities and advantages that they can use. In the end, not only entered the circle, but also was overtaken by honest people who worked in silence.

So I don't recommend young people who have not been working for a long time to rush into circles. On the contrary, you should understand the truth behind the circle, and then consider your actions.

First of all, high-quality circles have barriers to entry.

On the other hand, if you can easily get into a circle, there is a high probability that the people inside are not very good.

For example, there are often people in WeChat who post a crude poster with a QR code in the circle of friends, and add a few sensational headline copy to recruit people.

This kind of circle basically belongs to the low-quality circle. The people inside are all dishes, and everyone except the group owner is leeks.

It's like I've seen a group of "industry masters helping each other," and it turns out that there are all novices who want to know masters, but there is no master, which is very funny.

In fact, with a little brainstorming, you can figure out that anyone can come in, and the people inside must be uneven. High-level people see this kind of circle and disdain to join. Only the low-level people saw it, squeezed their heads and wanted to come in.

The circle that can really help you, must be that everyone is of the same level and can be complementary in some aspects.

For example, the big guys' circle is full of big guys, and their worth is of the same level, so that there are common topics.

People worth 100 million won't play with people worth 10 million because they have different visions. People worth 100 million usually have been doing business in the industry chain for many years, while people worth 10 million are usually just getting better in their business. If you are not at the same stage, the angle and depth of the problem are different, so naturally you can't talk together.

For another example, the circle of experts is also full of experts. Everyone is an experienced person in this field. Whoever has a problem, discuss it together and inspire each other. Whoever is in trouble, we help each other, helping others is helping ourselves.

If you don't have any professional knowledge, you won't be able to talk about it. Not to mention what benefits you can get from this circle, others will not take you to play.

So before talking about entering circles, we must first understand what the barriers to entry are for this circle. The threshold is the sieve. Those who are unqualified are screened out, and only the truly valuable circle friends are left.

The threshold of this circle is to look at work experience, net worth, industry resources, or what? Just look at who is in the circle, and you can guess the difference.

Don't be eager to join the group only see the group photo. Think calmly, if you want to get in, why do people let you in?

Secondly, the essence of the circle is to gather a group of people who have the pursuit of common interests.

On the surface, everyone makes friends, but in fact they all "have their own target." For adults’ social interactions in the workplace, interests come first and feelings second.

Even if feelings and friendship are really developed, it is based on the temporary pursuit of common interests.

Of course, this interest does not only refer to a narrowly defined monetary interest. Interest sharing, information exchange, business cooperation, and complementary resources can all be benefits.

It is because of the pursuit of common interests that everyone gathers in this circle. Finding out exactly what this pursuit of interests is can help you quickly understand your position in the circle.

For example, if you join an entrepreneurial circle, where all local entrepreneurs are bosses, then you can think about what this kind of person lacks most in the entrepreneurial stage.

Lack of traffic? Lack of brand? Lack of channels? Lack of funds? Still lacking talents?

You can figure out what people usually talk about in the group. In turn, what you can help them is to join this circle.

This situation applies to all people who want to climb up from a low starting point.

If you want to enter a higher circle, you must first make a contribution to let everyone see your value. Do you need you? What do you think of you in your heart, whether you treat you as a profitable partner or a errand boy, you have to think about these things.

Otherwise, people who enter the circle will not agree with you, so it is better not to enter. It's not too late to think of a solution when you have the strength to qualify.


In the end, the squeeze in the circle can only make yourself unhappy.

Many people sigh that the circle of the rich is as deep as the sea, and they are secretly competing for a photo, but why is it not like the circle of ordinary people?

Whether it's the tall "Ladies Circle", "Boss Circle", "Clubs with a Value of XX Million", or the down-to-earth "Learning Circle", "Family Clubs", "Fitness Check-in Groups", none of them can escape human nature:

Where there are people, there are rivers and lakes, comparisons, prejudice, and hierarchy.

Even in a self-driving tour, everyone will first see what car you are driving before deciding whether to play with you. Compared with the rich, the chain of contempt for ordinary people is not ambiguous at all, but the things that people "despise" are different.

Therefore, if you cannot enter a circle, don't force yourself to squeeze in to find yourself unhappy. Unless you have a very thick skin, you can stand the arrogance between the eyebrows of the people around you, the coldness between words, even if you have a hot face and a cold butt, you still forget yourself.

Such a person, I respect him as a man.

Most people can't do this, so they should manage their small circle first, and then think about how to break the circle and develop. It's easy to get into the circle, but difficult to survive.

After telling the truth about the circle, how should young people mix with the circle? The last 3 small suggestions for reference:

a) Identify yourself

As mentioned earlier, high-quality circles have thresholds. So if you want to go in, first compare the threshold of the circle with your own strength.

The big brother's circle doesn't need younger brothers, the expert circle doesn't need novices, and the first-line circles don't need 18-line actors.

Whether you can chat with the people inside, whether you can do something together, whether you can share benefits together in the future, and whether you are qualified or not to be equal to everyone is to find your own position. And these are the values that the circle can really bring to you.

Don't be anxious before finding the correct circle clearly. Control your envy and jealousy and polish your strengths and abilities. This is your ticket to enter the circle.

b) Don't use circles as an excuse not to work hard

This phenomenon is actually quite common.

The reason why many young people are so keen on circles nowadays is not because they feel that it is too exhausting to force Haha to cultivate their own strength.

Just like the roommate of Little A mentioned at the beginning of the article, he felt that it was too difficult for Little A to succeed by working hard, and it was too hard to study his profession. It's easier to join in circles. It can open your horizons and get to know people. One second after eating instant noodles in public rental housing, you can stand on top of the world in the next second.

Treating illusions as real is particularly unreliable.

If the circle can also be called a profession, if you want to do this well, the effort will be no less than other industries.

The interpersonal circle is not a shortcut to success, but a free trading market, where everyone comes to "exchange".

Your profession, knowledge, skills, insights, resources, contacts, money... You must always have something to exchange with others, otherwise it will be difficult to gain a foothold with just one mouth.

Working hard to accumulate strength is the main premise of mixed circles, not good-looking.

c) Find yourself a guide

If you want to climb up and enter a more advanced circle, then you must find yourself a guide who is already in this circle.

It's the same as looking for a job. If you want to enter a well-known large company, you have to wait years after submiting your resume online. But if you know someone inside to give you an intro, it's a matter of minutes.

You also need such an introductory guide when you are in a circle.

First of all, find a way to let him recognize and appreciate your abilities in certain aspects, and be willing to endorse you so that others in the circle can accept you. In this regard, refer to the cultivation of one's own strength I mentioned earlier.

Then, you can't shame him. Once you have successfully entered the circle, your words and deeds must match the guide's description of you. For example, when the introduction says that you are talented, you should not be stupid and stupid afterwards. Say you are good at business, you can't act like a novice.

Finally, show your gratitude from time to time. Everyone has acted as a matchmaker for you, don't you want to show it?

Although the retribution of the grace of dripping water will not be enough, at least you must not forget who was able to enter this circle. Drink water and never forget the digger. The more grateful you are to the guide, the more people will be willing to be your new guide in the future.

So your future road will be open.

The above is today's content, I hope to bring you some enlightenment.

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