I haven't been home for a long time. It seems that I don't want home at all, and I don't want the taste of my hometown. This is the result that I never thought about.
At this moment, looking at the sunset outside the window, I am no longer the child who loves home. I can't help crying when I think of going home ... When I came home last Chinese New Year, my home was a renovated new house. The familiar house and yard just disappeared. There was no fragrance of soil and flowers. All I could see was a strange space shaped by cold reinforced concrete. I really couldn't feel the atmosphere of becoming a monk, even if the new building was towering, beautifully decorated and spacious ...
These changes are nothing, but my family's attitude is too hurtful. I can't remember the reason for crying at Beijing Railway Station when I went home last time. I only remember the report of the epidemic signs on the vibrato. I think it may be that I felt too painful at that time, so I lost my memory selectively. What I didn't expect was that I was still unhappy when I got home. Because I didn't return to Lanzhou for too long, there were very few people when I got off the high-speed train. I couldn't find an exit for a long time, which led to the driver waiting for me for a long time. As a result, I didn't care and greet when I received me. I complained all the way, and my heart was really cold. I thought I wouldn't go home if I knew this. The journey back was almost two hours. I barely laughed and listened to him complaining all the way, thinking that I didn't let you. May earn better in recent years! He suddenly tells people around him what to do, and his parents are quite realistic. In addition to the inherent preference for sons and daughters, my situation can be imagined. Many things really don't want to mention any more. Today at home, I am on pins and needles. My parents' forced marriage made me lose control of my emotions and burst into tears. Then I secretly booked a ticket to go back to Beijing. At that time, the epidemic was particularly serious, and there were no pedestrians on the road. I was the only one who wanted to leave without fear of death.
I don't know when it started, the once happy scene is long gone, and the rest is just strange, awkward and speechless ...
It seems that after that, I didn't feel homesick. I lived alone in Beijing. The painful experience made me keep a distance from all the people. It seems that I don't need anyone to come into my life anymore. I think it's very good. If I don't expect anything, it won't hurt.
I still remember the scene where our family of four sang together in the cold winter, and I also felt a delicious love and warmth that was divided into four and a half to eat, but now these things seem to have disappeared, and then those warm memories warmed up behind them, but they pained the reality ...
I often think, maybe one day I will die alone in the middle of the night in Beijing, and maybe I will not be remembered by anyone, no matter what the final outcome is, it can't be overstated. After all, I can't love anyone anymore.
So, don't blame me for being selfish, because I've never been deeply loved by anyone, but it's good that I haven't been loved, otherwise I'll have nothing to repay, just like that, I'll accept everything, and I'll move forward all the way!
For some people, when they grow up, home is no longer a warm harbor; Or maybe, for some people, home is the source of pain …
Happy people, please continue to be happy! I'm tired and want to rest. I hope I can continue the unfinished road when the sun rises tomorrow ... If you meet me on a person's road, please don't blame me for not looking MoMo with a smile, because I have tried my best to restrain my sadness and make myself look calm. I will wish you a happy life in my heart!