Task 2
Bahasa Indonesia
Tertukar
Engkau selalu mengirimkan pesan sapa singkatmu setiap hari. Kata-kata indah membuatku berbunga-bunga. Sampai dengan saatnya, engkau salah menyebut namaku.
English
Switched
You always send me your short greeting messages every day. The beautiful words made me blossom. Until the day, you mispronounced my name.
Reflection
I would like to tell you the story of a woman who often receives messages from her lover, with all his romantic flirting skills, the man manages to please women. Yes, not just one woman, and in the end his cover was blown.
Writing this story was a challenge for me, how I had to explain briefly what the conflict was by composing words that could describe a situation that could be understood by the reader, so as to create the right imagination.
What do you think Mrs. @solperez, what would that woman have done?
Task 3
Bahasa Indonesia
Kehilangan
Aku terjaga di tempat tidur, merasakan sisa panas tubuhmu yang masih tertinggal. Bau parfummu menyelip di bantal, menemani malamku yang sepi. Aku tak bisa membedakan antara mimpi dan kenyataan, namun yang jelas, kehadiranmu telah menghilang. Api dalam tatapanmu telah padam, dan aku ditinggalkan dalam kebohongan dan luka. Kini, kau sedang tertawa bersamanya.
English
Lose
I wake up in bed, feeling the lingering heat of your body. The smell of your perfume slipped on my pillow, accompanying my lonely night. I couldn't distinguish between dream and reality, but clearly, your presence had disappeared. The fire in your gaze was extinguished, and I was left in lies and hurt. Now, you are laughing with him.
Reflection
The name of the fire is when the more we are close to it, the more the heat will be felt, and vice versa, when the fire is far away from us, we feel the difference in temperature that will make us feel more comfortable. However, it is different with the fire of love that slowly fades and then disappears, it hurts.
In this story, I had to internalize the content of the poem, look for the spirit contained in it, and then extract it into a short story that should not lose the main object, which in my opinion is a betrayal of love. I wanted to create an ending that creates an absolute sense of sadness.
Can you feel it, Mr. @joslud, is it okay for a man to cry?
Hi! I'm pleased to read your post.
I think your telegram is great, but in my opinion it could get even shorter. I think there's no need to use "always" and also "every day". At the end I think it's confusing when You use "mispronounced", I would change it for "...when you called me by another name".
The idea is just great!
Regarding task 3, I could feel the pain of the character, you use many phrases to create a contexto, but I wouldn't eliminate any of them.
Blessings
@joslud @solperez
#microwrite03
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Hi, @fajrularifst
To share on your networks.
You can invite others to join in week 4, we will give them tasks.
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Fajrul Arif, An engineer of words.
He analyzes, selects, then assembles.
His writing is inspired by the extraction of life.
For him writing is fun, where sentences must be rhythmic.
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@tipu curate
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Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 5/6) Get profit votes with @tipU :)
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Greetings @fajrularifst
Let's move on to the assessment of tasks 2 and 3.
Task 2.
Excellent, I can see the humor, there is a title. However, you could have used elements of the telegram such as sender, recipient and subject, to evoke the format more. As I said, it's very good.
Task 3.
You condense the emotional tone of the poem and its essence very well, the feelings and emotions of betrayal, I value that it seems more prose than a poem, that was what was requested. Good job being concise. Congratulations.
Total Week 3: waiting for comments.
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These are my comments on other friends' writings:
Comment 1
Comment 2
Comment 3
Comment 4
Thanks for this great third week lesson my teachers @joslud and @solperez.
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👍
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Hola amigo, me encanto tu telegrama, y me he reído mucho leyéndolo. Te digo que al leerlo puede ser una situación que le suceda a cualquiera, ilusionarse y sentir que es conquistado, pero eso de que pronuncien mal tu nombre sin duda es algo que produce un impacto, te quedo muy bien ese final.
Lograste bien el segundo ejercicio, me parece interesante que además lo hiciste desde la perspectiva de un hombre. Y creo que sí, esta bien que un hombre llore, eso lo hace un ser sensible y sincero además.
Hiciste un buen trabajo, felicitaciones.
#microwrite03 @joslud @solperez.
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Terimakasih untuk komentar pujian Anda, saya merasa tersanjung.
Hormat saya, fans Anda.
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Like the first: your daily greetings made me blossom, sweet, spicy, till you called me Daisy.
What would I do? Write you a note back!
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