Before you judge this post, this addresses a real problem of couples in a relationship. It does not intend to demean nor entertain but to educate and possibly mend the problem.
It can be frustrating for both you and your partner if she ffails to come during sex. Self-esteem, worry, tiredness, and stress are just a few of the lifestyle elements that might affect a woman's orgasm ability.
While it's totally natural to not experience orgasm every time you have sex, if your partner doesn't come at all, it can have a negative impact on your relationship.
But, before you despair that you're doing something horribly wrong and that your sexual prowess is the cause, keep in mind that many ladies struggle to come, and your girlfriend is not alone. In a survey of almost 52,000 adults, it was discovered that 95% of heterosexual men almost always climaxed during sex, compared to only 65% of women.
Which begs the question: why are guys getting all the orgasms, and, more significantly, how can you encourage the woman in your life to up her come-quota and join you in the pleasure circle? Sarah Berry, a psychosexual and relationship therapist, shares her expert advice on how to assist the lady in your life come:
Why do some women have a hard time attaining orgasm?
I frequently hear male customers complain about how horrible they are in bed because their female partners are unable to come. While there may be other relational or sexual issues at work, a lack of orgasm is not a reflection of your sexual skills, nor is it solely your fault.
Most women have struggled with climaxing at some point in their lives.
While some women orgasm more easily than others, most women have struggled to climax at some point. Some people can only climax on their own, while others have never had the sensation. This is due to a variety of factors. It could be due to any of the following factors, as well as a variety of other more profound or commonplace factors: • Relationship concerns • Past trauma • Body issues • Medication • Physical ailments • Lack of arousal • Stress • Needing to go to the bathroom • Tiredness • Preoccupation with something
What I would suggest is that you and your partner work together to create a space where you both feel joyful and connected, and where arousal can ebb and flow. You can assist them in nurturing these feelings if their arousal is rising to the point of climax.
Communication
I'd ask a lady who orgasms occasionally or not at all how she feels about it if you're with her. Maybe she's annoyed, maybe she's cool with it, maybe she orgasms, but it's a less dramatic affair — not everyone gives a full-on When Harry Met Sally-style performance. Begin by inquiring about her feelings; you might be shocked to hear that it has nothing to do with you.
Are you the source of the issue?
If she blames your approach for her lack of orgasm, ask her to describe, or better yet, demonstrate, how she prefers to be stimulated. You might have a mutual masturbation session where you both touch each other in front of the mirror. While this can feel incredibly personal and vulnerable, it can also help both of you relax and perform better.
It's worth mentioning that if your spouse is tense, such as anxious or furious, your touch would most likely tickle rather than satisfy, so let her lead the way.
How to make it easier for her to come: 9 expert recommendations
Keeping in mind that what works for one person may be uncomfortable for another, here are some suggestions for assisting your female partner in achieving orgasm that you may try together:
Orally stimulate her
In far too many heterosexual relationships, it appears that once the man arrives, sex is over, regardless of whether the female partner is ready or not. It's egotistical to ignore whether your partner has finished as well. You could perform some hand or tongue stimulation if she likes it. You hold her as she masturbates if you're too tired.Don't forget about the foreplay.
Yes, quickies do occur. It's fantastic if you're both aroused and your genitals are primed for action. If not, foreplay prepares all genitals for sex, including penises, which, contrary to common opinion, aren't always ready to proceed as soon as sex is suggested. Sex can be uncomfortable, obtrusive, or simply uninteresting if there isn't enough of it. Foreplay can range from saucy texts to hand jobs, oral, oral, and spanking.Play around with sex toys
Some people believe that sex gadgets, especially vibrators, can assist them in achieving the big O. Others dislike them for a variety of reasons, including dislike of how they feel or dislike of them on principle. Because there are so many different sizes, shapes, colors, materials, and forms of stimulation available, I strongly advise discussing with your spouse before purchasing one.Pounce on her.
Receiving cunnilingus, according to many women, is the most surefire way to get them to come. If you both want to do it but aren't sure what to do, try different things until she makes pleasant noises or writhes around. Some women enjoy a steady tongue lapping at the clitoris, while others prefer the entire vulva to be spread over, as if it were ice cream on a hot day.Stimulate the tongue and fingers alternately.
I've discovered that there are three key reasons why some women find oral sex unsettling:
• The first is that it can feel disconnection: you're down there doing something productive, while they're up there fretting about you, work, or that ceiling stain.
• The second is the anxiety that it will take too long to get thrilled; indeed, vaginas take longer to get excited than penises.
• The third is the fear that their vulvas and vaginas will not look or smell well.Form a close relationship
You might feel uneasy, nervous, disconnected, or any other sentiments that could disrupt a pleasurable connection during your private time. If this happens, instead of pushing on, I recommend pausing for a moment. Tell them how you feel and give them a compliment, a hug, or something else that will help you discover some common ground and form a bond. It implies that she may believe she can do the same if she is interrupted. It's sexy to be on the same page during sex.Take frequent snogging pauses.
If someone is on the verge of arriving but their clitoris gets uncomfortable or numb, you might recommend that the two of you take a break. Have a talk, a cup of tea or a drink of wine, or a snooze. If you both want to keep going, you might be shocked to see that the clitoris is still rather swollen and doesn't require much stimulation to reactivate.Just keep moving forward!
If he tells you to keep continuing in increasingly excited tones, do so. As you had been. Don't try to go faster. Don't take it easy on yourself. Don't try to impress your audience with a spectacular trick. JUST... KEEP... GOING! Unless you're in agony or discomfort, JUST... KEEP... GOING!Give it some thought.
Sex problems can be a sign that something else is wrong in your relationship. It's possible that one or both of you are having concerns about your relationship or harboring animosity over something in this scenario. Or they may perceive you as a nice friend but are unable to fall in love with you. While confronting these concerns might be unpleasant at times, getting through them can lead to happier places for both of you, whether together or separated. Couples counselling can aid in this process.
These 9 suggestions are not meant to cure or solve all but consider them tools you can try out with your partner. Hopefully they work for you and keep your relationship healthy and strong.