Conquering parenthood: fostering relationships, accepting uniqueness

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Raising children is not an easy task. The world is changing fast these days, one can only pray for God to guide their children. I have seen many kids that were well raised by their parents and the moment they are out of sight of their parents, they change into something else. Some parents do not even try or struggle to train their children, while some of the children that I know do not have discipline and order in their homes, some of them are raised with respect and training and some of them are raised well and they do not need any training at all.

Coming to my parents, I can say they really did their best in training my siblings and me. Though there are some things that they really did their best in but still, we the children were just too stubborn to emulate. For example, my mom really tried to train us not to fight among each other but still we were like cats and dogs staying in one house. My siblings and I love each other and hardly hold malice against each other for so long, but fighting was one thing that my mom herself couldn't help. It’s like we could have a fight twice a week and at the end of the week you will see us all outside making jokes and laughing together and ask ourselves ”Are we not the same people who tried to bring down the same house”? LOL, funny right?

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When I was young, my father was the one who took care of both of us. After all the hard work, my siblings and I would get into funny little fights, though I have to say, our mother was not ruffled by them; instead, she joined in on the fight and tried to quell it herself, sometimes to the extent of dragging us out completely. My mom has a gift for applying pressure on us to keep us united, and that was really the best part of my childhood; now I realize why my mom said what she did when we fought. There is no stronger bond than that of siblings, my mother would tell my siblings and me over and over again. A child's upbringing can be a paradoxic relation, especially when raising them, on one hand, you want them to remain cordial, on the other hand, polarizing obstacles keep presenting themselves, which puts a strain on the bond they share; at the end, it makes no difference since they are blood.

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Although my mum did very well in our upbringing, the discipline, and everything else, there was still one thing that to me I didn't see fit, and even now she says it's something she regrets. In my family, we were very quiet and reserved people, even though we fought like cats and dogs. But my senior sister was quite unlike all of us in some ways. She had always been the type of girl who wanted to be free and see the world right from when we were little. And seeing that, my mom increased the pressure on her with the fear of her being wayward. She treated my sister differently, and it was so obvious that, as a kid, when you're treated differently than your siblings, it's going to have an effect on you.

The more my sister argued with her, the less my sister complied. The more my sister disapproved of parties, the more often she attended them. The more my sister commented on my sister’s dressing, the more it became a problem.

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Then my sister said she wanted to be a musician, but my mom argued against that, saying she should be a gospel musician. Anyways in the end my sister did whatever she felt like. These days, my mom sees that my sister acts in a way that seems to go against her. It makes it hard for my mom to give her advice because my sister does what she wants and tells my mom what to do. I often see my mom wishing things were different. Now, my mom is very supportive of my sister. People who used to be like enemies and always fighting are now best friends. When I become a parent, I will try not to argue or pressure my child too much and will support their choices, even when I don't agree.

Thanks