My personal perspective about courtship

Hello dear friends,
Greetings to you all, hope you are all doing fine! I'm @ibraheem75 from Nigeria, I'm so excited to participate on this brilliant contest titled: My personal perspective about courtship organized by @okere-blessing in @Steem4Nigeria community.

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What is your understanding about the word courtship?

Courtship in a general notions, refers to the traditional process of getting to know someone with the intention of forming a romantic partnership that perhaps leads to marriage.

Though, this act involves a period of dating, and evaluating compatibility, to know if both parties are good, fit or made for each other so as to avoid regret or reduce rate of divorce in our modern marriages.

Some of the attributes of courtship include:

• Emotional connection: Is the act of building a deep emotional bond while together in courtship,
• Intentional: This refers to major areas of consideration while in courtship i.e purposeful pursuit of a romantic relationship,
• Respect: This refers to the mutual respect and consideration of one another, no one should be managing another or controlling another with contempt,
• Commitment-oriented: The act of focusing on long-term commitment to your spouse, coz marriage is not a one day something, till death, so during courtship you learn on how you would be committed to your marriage. Although there are many others like communication, trust, emotional intimacy, shared values and many more.

How can people in courtship maintain a good relationship that can lead to marriage?

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Maintaining a healthy courtship leading to marriage requires extra efforts, sacrifices and commitment. But the following are some of the steps to achieve that:

• Communication: Practicing good act of communication would help people to maintain good courtship that can perhaps lead to marriage, while in courtship, communication would help the intended couples to build open and honest dialogue, practice what's called active listening as well as shared thoughts, feelings and clarify all expectations and intentions.

(Even already made marriage that doesn't practice good communication tend to scatter, with time, so good communication play vital roles in courtship that can certainly lead to marriage)

• Trust: This is another key figure in courtship, it helps to foster emotional intimacy, a good courtship that wants to achieve it purpose and intentions must be base on trust, zero fake life and lies.

• Shared Values and Goals: This is another important steps in courtship where the intended couples discuss their long-term vision and aspirations in their proposed marriage, while in courtship, set some goals and be passionate about it plan a better and beautiful life after marriage, not some boring life after marriage.

• Respect and support one another: Always treat each others with kindness and great respect because that, is a key to a good relationship that can lead to marriage.

• Set a boundaries: This is another major areas of concern while in courtship, there should be guidelines for both physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of the both parties. Balance the both sides of life, set boundaries for friends and family, they should not dictate your marriage.

Are there things to be hidden during courtship? If yes what are they. If No back your answers with your reasons.

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Technically during courtship, Honesty, selflessness and transparency plays significant roles in courtship, but to me there are some personal aspects of life that need to be kept privately, then as time goes on, it can be made known to your partner, especially when you finally established trust, maturity and confidence, and these are:

• Financial details (joint account): This can be done when financial merging is fully understand and discussed😎, coz some intended couples make mistakes about that, and say love is blind it's a lie, love can never be blind but ignorance, (na lie, marriage go whine you down),

• Sensitive family issues: This is to protect my family privacy, like leaking all your family's secret who does that in preliminary stage?,

• Previous relationships or intimate details about my ex I think revealing that is inappropriate, to vomit that out when I'm in a courtship with a new lady, without establishing grounds is totally wrong.

• Sharing Personal insecurities or fears: This can only be done when trust is builds along the line while in courtship, why because there's time for everything,and some not to be said, coz there are important things not to be hidden while in the courtship, which I've done justice to that from questions above like shared values, trust etc.

Although reasons for keeping some things privately is because:

• Building good relationships in courtship required trust and a lot of time else relationships would scattered at early stages,
• Secondly To respect boundaries,
• And lastly sharing private information too much and too soon can overwhelm an individual, probably lost lot of interest on the courtship. I have a friend who encountered such, but topic of discussion for another day.

Do you think there's time frame in courtship? Explain.

Yes indeed, courtship has a time frame, to some 6-18 months while some 1-2 years, depending on the agreement by the intended couples, and their level of understanding or how they want groom themselves before marriage or on the marital journey.

Remember courtship is for adult who are aspiring to become a husband and a wife not for some adolescent, (like all this boyfriends and girlfriends, nope). And as such before embarking on the journey of courtship the both parties must be mature physically and emotionally and there's of course a time frame, you cannot be in courtship forever.

Is courtship a guarantee for successful marriage.

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No..., not all courtship is a guarantee for a successful marriage, because human being is very dynamic, you can get to know everything about Man and his true intensions likewise the woman.

Courtship is a way to weigh or measure the compatibility and true intensions before marriage, though sometimes both parties can technically be living in pretense while in courtship and as such it somehow lead to unsuccessful marriage.

Although God is not a Man, sometimes we "human proposes and God disposes", that implies God has the final say in our planning or arrangements in life, so also when it comes courtship, so courtship is never a guarantee for marriage or a successful marriage.

Thank you

Invitations:
@echuku
@goodybest
@memamun

Kind regards @ibraheem75.