Steem4nigeria Accelerator Contest Week 53: Parental Enforcement of Decisions on Children

Our parents especially in Africa usually see themselves like small gods to their children and believe whatever decision they take for you is for your best interest and it’s final. No room for even open minded discussion. Some Nigerian mum will blackmail you with the phrase “I carried you in my tummy for nine months and there’s no way my children won’t listen to my advice”.

This has actually brings resentment and severing relationships between kids and parents especially when they are doing things against their will. In this contest, I’ll be touching on various topics on “parental enforcement of decisions on children”.

Before going ahead, let me take the opportunity of inviting @roselove, @vickyson and @databae for this challenge.

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If we’re to tell ourselves the truth, it’s not all the decision that our parents made for us that was beneficial to us. Some was out of their selfish interest, which later turned out to be problematic to the kids. No doubt, parents are much more experienced considering the years they have lived on earth and their guidance is needed to navigate life and make informed choices but sometimes it’s is important they also consider the kid’s decision.

For instance, If the kids says he wants to touch the candle fire and you’ve warned them several times and they refuse to listen, allow them to touch it. When it burns them, they’ll learn from their mistakes.

Children should be given the opportunity to make their own decisions, learn from their mistakes and develop a personal identity for themselves. When parents becomes a control freak or try to manipulate children to buy into their own decisions, it only brings resentment and suppress them from growing.

In some culture especially in Africa, parental guidance in the lives of children is held in high esteem. While, in some cultures, kids starts gaining their independence from an early age. For some, parental advice has been a blessing and source of wisdom and while for some children, it has been restrictive. But what’s truly important is striking a balance between parental guidance and the children independence in order to develop a personal identity for themselves.

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In crucial decision like this, open communication is the best way to handle it and it should be an honest discussion and the kid’s choice should be respected because he’s the main character here.

• Parents can come in here as an adviser based on their own experience and make the children understand the implications of whatever decision they make at that moment.

For example; when I was done with secondary school, I wanted to study political science in the university because I was very good at art subjects but one question my dad asked me, made me changed my mind. He asked me if I’ve a political godfather and even if I eventually have one after I graduate, do I want to be there errand boy all my life all in the name of been loyal??

I thought hard about it and I knew that wasn’t what I wanted for myself, I’d to switch to management science.

• Parents can also be a mentor by using wisdom to guide their children and providing perspective by outlining their strength, weaknesses and futuristic goals.

For instance, during my choice of course, my dad knows very well that I’m scared of public speaking and to be a successful politician, you’ve to be loyal to the point of leaking those political godfathers feet and he knows his son isn’t cut out for that.

• Parent can also be a supporter in situations like this rather than castigating the children especially when it comes to choosing a life partner.

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Yes.. it’s 100% possible for our parents to misguide us with their decisions, although it was never intentional but Several factors would be able to explain this;

• Parents always ignore the fact that what was obtainable in their time is now outdated in the current age. For instance, in the past, every parents always want there kids to be a lawyer, engineer or doctor. You dare not mention to your parents that you want to be a musician, an actor or a D J. They will stop training you in school. So, you are forced to leave what you desire and follow their advice.

• Some parents are fond of forcing their unfulfilled dreams to their kids. For instance, we’re all aware that Ronaldo would be retiring anytime soon without the World Cup trophy. If Christiano Ronaldo happens to be like some parent, they will push there kid into football not minding whether he wants to be a footballer or not. They will put so much pressure on their child, so that he can win that World Cup title. This can create a conflict between the child's true interests and the parent's expectations.

• Sometimes, our parents make decisions out of fear to prevent their kids from falling into harm’s way. This, in turn, might hinder the growth of some children, especially those who are adventurous by nature.

All this misguided action from our parents can lead to resentment towards parents, kids feeling unfulfilled, limited opportunities and no self confidence

It is a regular thing that occurs in my house especially from my dad but that was when we were much younger but among all, the one that stood out was in my big sister’s marriage. My dad has always been against his daughters marrying from the Yoruba tribe, since we were much younger. The reason for his decision was rooted in old fears from a past family experience with his elder sister.

Unfortunately, among all the tribe in Nigeria, my big sister chose to fall in love with a Yoruba man. After much back and forth arguments between them, he finally succumbed to pressure and today they are happily married for 14 years and blessed with 3 kids. He’s even my dad’s favorite in-law.

What I learned from this whole marriage saga was that it’s best we follow our heart despite external pressure from anywhere and give room for open communication because the more my dad and my sister was closing the doors for discussion, the more there was tension in the house. It also showed me how old fears and biases can affect our sense of reasoning in making decisions. In the end, everyone was happy and my dad learned to accept the choice of his daughter wholeheartedly.