I would like to classify myself as an artist, but I've never published any content. Never had the time, inclination, or, being brutally honest, the tenacity, to showcase my art and have a group of unbiased individuals critique it. I hate to admit it, but lately, I am more of a "visual aid" kind of person, and movie references are brilliant ice breakers, so, please allow Michael J Fox, aka Marty McFly from Back to the Future, explain my apprehensiveness as his own in this clip, which draws a perfect parallel to feelings I have about "putting myself out there":
I JUST DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE THAT KIND OF REJECTION
Not showing my artwork to anyone who wasn't a friend or a family member, inevitably puts a completely biased spin on any feedback I received. In all likelihood, my art has never been truly critiqued. It is a little frightening to take the plunge and put your work out there. My fear is that I will start releasing NFTs and will get ZERO feedback, as in, not only will they not be purchased, but they will be ignored. Other than some digital scrimshaw I've posted here and a handful of other forums (not even classifying that as art), and forgetting a few select pieces I've showed to friends and family (because in my mind they would be well received), not one single person has seen any of the art I've created. So I'm really not sure if the NFT collecting community would be receptive enough to it, to consider it a digital collectors item worth purchasing. After all, I am not a famous name or artist, so my work has to speak for itself. (To clarify, I do classify writing as art regarding the talented writers out there whose prose actually IS art. I do not place myself anywhere near that level as a writer, when I speak of my specific pieces in this context, the majority of my portfolio is illustrative in nature, i.e.: pen, pencil, some painting, but as of lately, primarily digital in various forms, such as 2D, 3D, voxel, etc).
So, with this in mind, I posed myself a question. Can an individual truly call themselves an artist, if that person has never published anything, and maybe more importantly, is not known as an artist by anyone? And, if this so called artist has never gained anything financially from their work, where is the burden of proof that warrants the self-designation of such nomenclature? Whatever the answer, in my experiences, the easiest and most efficient way to identify someone who is a master at whatever discipline or career path they travel, is by measuring their worth in literal dollars and cents, traditionally paid either by consumers or an employer for the exchange of the services and/or goods they provide.
My day job, not an artist. Not even close. So, if I am not publishing my work for John Q Public to critique and potentially enjoy, or even working on it everyday, it makes me question the legitimacy of my artistic claims. I might as well just call myself a "Secret Agent Astronaut Cowboy Millionaire" if such titles are not required to be verified in any way. Maybe I'm being a little hard on myself and all the other prospective artists out there. But how can someone consider themselves an artist if their skill set is never put to what I like to call, the "usefulness and/or desired by others test"? Well, for me that ambiguity is coming to an end. I have decided it's time to put my money where my mouth is.
In my younger years, before my soul was partially consumed and digested by the various metaphorical sociological enzymes our planet has to offer, one of my aspirations was to find a career where I made excellent money, but most importantly, a career where I also enjoyed what I was doing on a day to day basis. For a while, I found that career, as one of the cogs in the wheel of the machine known as the Real Estate Industry. However in recent years, as my days on this career path endlessly droll on, I am having a harder time tolerating the people in the industry, the upfront cost to do business, and the changes being made, or lack thereof, that provide no increase in financial security, coupled with an ever looming uncertainty for my future well being. Just wondering not if, but when, will my position ultimately be replaced entirely by advanced proprietary software, with the bottom line being: I no longer enjoy my work, and I am not making enough money to live comfortably. So, in light of this revelation, I have made a decision.
Recently, I made a significant life move regarding my career and future. As the title suggests, I decided to quit my job, and I mean just walk away from it like... Poof... Ghosted... didn't even tell anybody. Just kidding, not that much of a psycho. I am self-employed. So my boss, well, he's a little sick in the head and understands me more than just about anyone else does. Completed the last two open assignments I had with one of my clients, and put myself on medical leave in their web portal where new orders are processed. Why? The simple fact that I am getting older, realizing that life is short, time is more valuable than any dollar amount you could ever assign to it, and most importantly, I am no longer happy or confident about my current career path. And to top it off, I have this nagging itch I can't seem to scratch, the feeling like I was meant for something more. Presumably, many individuals have these feelings, but for whatever reason, not many ever act upon them. Probably because it's not a feasible lifestyle choice given their current state of affairs. It isn't really feasible for me either, however I'm doing it anyway. If I fail miserably, end up having to return to my "normal" job with my tail between my legs, at least I can say I gave it a shot and had no regrets. YOLO right?
You might ask yourself, just how the hell do you plan on living dude? Do you have a million dollars in the bank, or other savings at your disposal? Well, no, although, there does lie a hail Mary style, clinging to a probable false hope, on the back end for me. But for arguments sake in this instance, I'm going to say no, other than around half a Bitcoin that I originally purchased in 2014 for about $300. I thought the seed phrase was lost to the wallet it was transferred to a couple years back, however, earlier this month, I got lucky and found it in my attic. Bought from Kraken in May of 2014, lies around half a Bitcoin at my disposal, to fund my bullshittery for the next foreseeable [insert time frame here].
So, I have decided to share something a bit personal, for the sake of anyone who's dared to read this far. This is actually a rather large secret I have kept from most of the world, except my current, long time girlfriend. The full story behind this secret will be told at a later date so please don't ask me to elaborate quite yet. I am sharing this little snippet, or teaser if you will, because, well...look, if I am being real I might as well be honest. First of all, I can't help myself. As far as other people's secrets go, I am a vault. As in, you could tell me your deepest darkest secret and I would NEVER spill. But when it comes to my own secrets, often times I spill the beans. Not sure why. Sometimes, for me, it is easier, almost therapeutic, to tell horrifying, potentially life altering secrets to complete strangers over the internet as a pseudonymous character, than it is telling loved ones, psychiatrists, or even say, officials from state, local or federal law enforcement agencies. So here it is---
I do have access to other cryptocurrency and for all intents and purposes, I could use it. However, there is a bit of a catch to its origins, and could potentially land me in a lot of trouble if someone were monitoring the wallet address where it is currently stored, and sourced the funds. So for now, I am just sitting on it. The Bitcoin is...well...it's not... what's the word for it... legal? No that's not it... Well maybe it is... If you know what the logo above these paragraphs once represented, you are likely aware of what I am implying. It was early on in Bitcoin's life cycle, and it was used as payment... for... Visual aids might be helpful... Ah, I know... Words. For some reason words always work when you're speaking English, or any other language for that matter. I'll just throw them out here, and maybe, you, the now confused reader, can understand what the hell it is I am referring to, and maybe you will then see why I'm being so damn cryptic and ambiguous. I'll drop a few words and phrases on the table here to help your understanding of what my "secret" could be, without telling you exactly what the "secret" is. I've been told not to by concerned 3rd parties, but what can I say, its my secret and I want to blab a piece of it out there.
First word - LEATHER. Another word- maybe avenue, or a word synonymous with boulevard, oh, I know - ROAD. No, no.... that's too obvious. Wait a minute... leather is a terrible material. I do like SILK bedsheets though. By the way, did you eat lunch yet? I am starving. Did I say I wanted mushrooms as my pizza topping or did you? Hold on now... I don't eat mushrooms on my pizza. Who mentioned mushrooms then? Did you? Wait just a damn minute, I don't think either one of us did. I see what's going on here... fungus... Oh before I continue, I like to give a shout out to all the hardworking mules, and, my friends, at the United States Postal Service. Good people. Rain or shine. Hey now, did you know that several words put together is called a phrase? Here are some examples: peer to peer trading of goods for cryptocurrency... statute of limitations... out of state PO boxes... LLC based out of Wilmington Delaware...
Those are all phraseologies that I have read in various books and/or magazines at certain times in my life. They have absolutely no relevancy here. If you have a problem with that, all I can say is I happen to have an affinity for the English language and I'm hoping to one day teach it to underprivileged school children. So there. You going to throw me under the bus for trying to be a school teacher? Wow that's low. Look at you, real hero man. Just, WOW. SHAMWOW.
Anywhoo.....
Upon this life revelation I recently had, I decided to share it with my long time girlfriend, who knows the "whole truth" about me, one of the very few individuals I trust implicitly, known her for 12 plus years. So, she is likely already aware what level of unpredictable goblin she's dealing with. If not, then she's not nearly as smart as I think, and certainly not as smart as she knows herself to be... With her fancy degrees hanging on walls for everyone to see, and "normal" career. It's like, okay girl, we get it. Your education is a classical one. Whereas mine, more of what you'd call a potluck, coming primarily from self learning, specifically, ripping computers apart that were left on the side of the road as garbage in the mid-90s when I was a prepubescent Nintendo addict.
Even though my attitude towards life is "I do whatever the F*** I want", I still like to be courteous and make people aware of my decisions, decisions that can occasionally border those of an individual with a severe personality disorder. Thank God I didn't have to explain what Bitcoin was, or anything that fundamental. Would probably lose my audience if that were the case. My girlfriend's awareness of the cryptoverse is what I would call above average because of my interest in it. So, in preparing for the full disclosure of my recent life revelation to her, I was fortunate in the sense that, well, it wasn't as if I'd have to shoot from the hip completely, since she was in on my "fringe" financial lifestyle. She even knows about NFTs, and is Linux literate, so as far as technical details, I was off the hook.
Now that I think about it, I didn't say much to her other than the title of this post. Anyway, below is a summation of the back and forth between us after telling her about my new career choice. I thought it was quite hilarious, and wanted to share. If you don't find the same humor in it, I apologize for wasting your time, and, let me start off by saying, I don't really give a shit. This is therapy for me, writing that is. Saving myself about 10 grand a year. You have already read this far, so if you continue on, that's on YOU. Can't say no one told I was a psycho, that's for sure.
Paragraphs in standard typeface are what I said, bold is what she said, paraphrasing from memory of course. Enjoy!
"So just a heads up, I quit my job to become a full-time NFT developer. Thought I should fill you in, since I'll be working on my art around the house pretty much all day everyday till I strike it rich, you know, instead of doing the grind on a daily basis. Figured you'd probably notice something like that."
"Yeah, right."
"Oh no, I'm being completely serious."
"What? How's that? You're serious? Are you insane?"
"Quite possibly, although I would lean towards most likely. I've already placed myself on the inactive list and told my clients, so in their mind I have already quit. See I went ahead and did the more difficult part before I talked to you about this, that way you couldn't talk me out of it."
"All your clients? You have lost it! My God you belong in a padded cell! I can't believe you did that! You really need professional help in the worst kind of way."
"Well you might be right. I mean, what has two thumbs and is a definite sociopath? This guy (put my thumbs to my chest for ultimate hilarity factor). I don't think I would ever murder anyone, unless it were absolutely necessary to survive. You know, fight or flight type of thing? Well, you'll probably be the first to find out if that's a flawed statement. So more importantly, let me ask you this, you're just figuring this out now? After knowing me for over a decade? And even knowing the former me? That's troubling. A little concerning on my end, if I'm being honest."
INNER MONOLOGUE: She looked at me, stared right through me, for what seemed like an eternity. It was as if I just casually, flippantly, provided the correct solution to a brain teaser that had been consuming her everyday for the last decade. Her glare back at me. Those eyes. It was as though she were conjuring up a diabolical voodoo curse to cast upon me, or summoning a bloodthirsty hellhound, birthed in the abyss of Lucifer's Lair, to tear the flesh from my bones, and drag my tattered remains down the chasms, my soul to spend an eternity suffering in the Netherworld. For a split second I even envisioned her shapeshifting into Supervillian Mutant, Magneto, to begin firing pieces of jagged, rusted metal at my face in retaliation for the quip. With every bone in her body, she wanted to refute the answer, she wanted to provide a counter, but alas, she realized, she couldn't.
"I mean technically speaking, this is on you. You are the one that linked up with this psychopath, wait, sorry.... I mean sociopath. You just stood idly by while he has pursued this maniacal reign of terror he calls life. So any potential fallout... that's on you girl. Sleep tight."
"Jesus Christ you really have gone crazy. What the hell are you going to do for money in the meantime?"
"Watch that rhetoric there darling, Jesus is my homeboy. To answer your question... Let's see... You mean how am I going to live? Well... a little bit like Jesus I guess... with my Bitcoin. Haha I jest... But seriously I have that half of a "legit" Bitcoin to cling to for the next few months. Interesting side note, if I didn't mention it like 500 times to you already... Did you know I bought that for like 300 bucks and now it's worth around $20,000? I mean wow. Talk about dumb luck, worth what an Xbox cost back then and still costs now, but I could buy a Honda with it instead! Hilarious! And fortunate, for me personally that is. I was considering buying a couple of dirt bikes, but I don't know how good of an idea that is yet, I'll have to pray on that and get back to you... any who... Can you believe I still have that and recently found the seed phrase to it? In addition to that money, I will likely incorporate some moderate leeching off of you, and off any other chump....I mean chum... of mine willing to put up with, and invest, their time and possibly their food and bed to me, in the hopes that I become some sort of a crypto millionaire in the next year and can provide them with a return on said investment package. That investment package being me, if that masters degree brain of yours hasn't figured that metaphor out yet. Oh, and before you ask, here's how I am keeping creditors and debt collectors at bay. The simple fact that I don't put any assets in my own name. So go ahead and file your judgments people I have nothing legally speaking. I use my company, or, have individuals act as unwitting accomplices to my psychosis. Individuals such as yourself, my father, mother, sister, and brother-in-law, who love and care for me, buy them with "money I've been hiding" as I tend to call it, and put said assets in their name. All while allowing me to utilize said asset as if I were its owner."
"How is it that everyone else in life has to bust their ass, and everything comes so easy to you? It's like you have some roadmap to financial success while doing as little work as possible in your front pocket, and you're not sharing it with anyone else. You are a sick, twisted, person, and on top of that selfish. But as much as I hate to admit it, after looking at your artwork, I like it. I think you can be successful with it."
INNER MONOLOGUE:
In all seriousness, it almost brought a tear to my eye, to hear the true words of encouragement and belief in me, proceeding the harsh and deserved critiques. I have tried my best not to take life too seriously, and in some ways that puts me at a disadvantage in many situations. I always try to use humor as a way to communicate, or smooth out one of the many"wrinkles" that have a tendency to pop up in life at the most inopportune time. However lately, it's become more of a defense mechanism for me. The humor ends up becoming a way for me to insulate my true feelings about a situation, and a lot of times the humor I offer is definitely not funny at the time to anyone, except possibly myself and a handful of other twisted individuals on this Earth. I'm not a child, so obviously I know humor is not an interchangeable reaction for any scenario. There is no way to laugh, now or later, at some of the cruel jokes that the universe can play on us or our loved ones, no way to spin it. Often times I don't know how to be serious because I've never been forced into a situation that required that sort of approach.
For instance, scenarios that a police officer, a firefighter, or someone serving in the armed forces, might come in contact with every day, having to make life or death sort of decisions for themselves or for other people, I've never had that. I've never been faced with that sort of life-altering type of decision. At least I've never treated any decisions I made in life like that, and that's a huge character flaw for me. I'm in my mid thirties, so God help me, if and when, I ever do have to make one of those decisions. My quest in life has been to acquire as much personal funding in whatever form to be able to pay my way through the world, hopefully one day, amassing a fortune so I can literally buy anything for myself and my family. And if possible, acquire those funds by working in a field I truly enjoyed, which is hard to come by in this world. That's to say it's a very small percentage of people who are able to unequivocally state that they love their job. There was a time when I loved my job, but not anymore. I truly feel as though this is a path worth exploring, and I was ecstatic my long time partner was being supportive of my decision, even though she knew the odds were more in favor of me landing on my face. But it's a cold day in Hell before I let people see me get sentimental, or any type of emotional really, so I pulled back and played things the way I typically do.
"Thanks hun, you rock. So anyway, have fun at work tomorrow, what time you got to be in there? 6:00 a.m.? Time and a half though for the weekend though right? Good for you, you're a real trooper. Anywho, don't bother waking me tomorrow when you leave, I mean at that ungodly hour? My goodness it'll be Sunday morning girl! I'm trying to sleep. Heading over to my mom's for brunch around noon... Pancakes, waffles that type of thing, you know, not something you'd be interested in with that whole fitness guru thing you've got going on lately... looking tight by the way. No need to wake me up, I got a big day planned after brunch, playing with the dogs, and my nephew of course, probably some Madden or Call of Duty.... you know.... guy stuff. You take care, thanks for keeping it 100, giving me the straight up on what you think about my new life path. I owe you one bro, will totally cut you in when I become a millionaire. See you tomorrow night for dinner, right? Whatcha making? Too soon to ask?"
Silence... Figured she must have fell asleep. Was about to get back to my game of chess, when a pillow strikes me in the face, coupled with the growling demand...
"GO SLEEP ON THE F****** COUCH."
"Yes ma'am. Read you loud and clear. No sex tonight, right? You do realize it's only 2:00 a.m.? You already going to sleep? But you only have 3 hours until you have to wake up..."
"GET OUT! GET OUT!"
"Jeez all right all right. I was only trying to help. I was going to say I'd make it an all-nighter if I were you, 3 hours of sleep seems like a tease man, I wouldn't really know. Haven't had what you'd call a "real job" since I was a landscaper about 15 years ago. Those hours were completely ridiculous... didn't last much longer than a couple years with that. I mean hey I'll go downstairs and make a whole bunch of espresso... throw some vodka in it if you want? Booze, not really my thing, I'm more about drinking as much caffeine as possible throughout the course of the entire day without having a heart attack so I can stare at a computer screen for the longest possible amount of time... love Kali Linux man... But you know me, I don't want to put the time in to become a certified pen tester, prefer to keep that a hobby. And, as you're aware, I don't sleep much myself at this time of night. I know, I know, that's not the kind of thing so-called "normal" people are saying. Anyway, offer is still there you change your mind, come on down we'll crank up the espresso maker watch some anime, oh I got Ghost in the Shell in 4K! Paired that with some Left 4 Dead, I mean, I know I'll be flying high the whole night, you join me I promise you'll forget that the sleep even exists! Did I mention the espresso maker and how extravagantly awesome it is? You know, the one that cost $980, and of course obtained from Bitcoin earnings..."
That's when shoes start getting thrown at me. So much for trying to be helpful.
FIN.
