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This is the third and the final part of my series on how to help a rape victim.
Here are more suggestions or information that can help you to support your friend:
Establish Safety
Make sure you ask your friend what will make him or her feel safe and how you can help to achieve this. It is essential to help any rape victim to identify ways in which he or she can re-establish his or her sense of physical and emotional safety.
Most often than not, the abuser keep on stalking and harassing the victim. In that case, you need to help the victim to develop a plan of what he or she can do in this circumstance. It is good to have a plan in advance to be prepared if the violence escalates.
Some of the things you can say
It is not easy to find the right thing to say to a friend when they confide in you. Don’t ask too much questions, instead, you can support your friend with phrases like:
- It’s not your fault
- I’m sorry this happened
- I believe you
- How can I help you?
- I am glad you told me
- I’ll support your choices
- You’re not alone
Some of the things Not To Say:
- Were you drunk?
- What were you wearing?
- Men can't be raped.
- It's your fault.
- Why aren't you getting over this faster?
- You're wallowing.
- That wasn't rape.
- You were leading him/her on.
- You shouldn't report it - it's only going to make it worse for you.
- You're overreacting.
It will also be helpful to your friend if you can share with him or her what you have learned about violence. You have to let your friend know that he or she can heal.
You have to know that it is not a small job to stand by and support a rape victim. Make sure you take your time and give yourself enough space so that you will be mentally available for your friend.
You also needs to seek for help if need be because you cannot have all the answers. You are not expected to be an expert so may need to seek additional help or resources.
You also need to be there for your friend. Just being there might just be enough. Your friend might just be looking for a safe space to share.
Read up the part 1 and 2 of helping a rape victim