“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Recently I've been immersing myself in books and articles regarding the growing political polarization in the United States. ‘Hate Inc.’ by Matt Taibbi and Political Disney World are the most recent. The reasons for this is probably obvious to the reader in the US; the civil unrest, the accusatory dog and pony shows at White House press briefings, the echo chamber propaganda narratives regurgitated by the press and both parties, etc...

The reason I bring it up here is not because it's happening at the national level, but rather at the individual level with intolerable animosity. Political arguments amongst friends and family have always existed, but it’s the intensity that I’m concerned about.

I grew up with a liberal dad and a conservative mom, and even though they had different political views, the conversations would be high-minded (intellectual), and not lowbrowed (emotional). The only political drama I was exposed to was when we visited family during the holidays. Political discussions would turn into verbal wrestling matches, but it was pretty tame compared to today.

After those political family brawls, my parents would tell me that most problems in the world are systemic in nature, not necessarily the people. If you think in terms of systems; you start asking about the how, the why, and the what; not so much the who. This gives context to the issue and is essential to diagnosing problems and finding solutions.

I have both conservative and progressive (called liberal in the US) friends. In a nutshell, conservatives want to keep the 'good' parts of policy and progressives want to change the 'bad' parts of policy. Now I'm an independent, I don't affiliate with political parties, sports teams, religious organizations, or even the local book club. So I am not emotionally engaged when my friends get into these political spats.

But my friends would focus mainly on ‘who.’ Whose fault is it? Who’s the victim? Who's the perpetrator? Who needs to be put in prison? The conversations, sorry, accusations are very absolute. I hate Trump. I hate Pelosi. Liberals are pinko-commies (yes, the term is still used). Conservatives want to put kids in prisons. You get the picture. And when I'm brave enough to ask about the history of an issue (say immigration), they give me this shocked and angry look as if I just asked them to sell their sister into slavery.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the only one in the group that's fed up with all this polarization, but I decided that I would be the first person to speak up. So a couple of weeks ago I conveyed to both groups (we were all at the same BBQ, most of us were wearing masks) that I was tired of listening to the poisonous conversations and the only thing I'll discuss going forward is policy not politics; systems and not people; solutions and not only problems. “Any fool can complain,” I said. After saying that, they all understood and we went back to grilling burgers.

Are you fucking kidding me! Both groups gave me the same look of dumbfounded incredulity, as if i just pulled down my pants, jumped on the picnic table and peed on the plate of hotdogs. I was impressed by how similar their faces looked and realized they all had more in common than they thought.

Anyway, the bottom line is, I wish they were a bit more open-minded; they thought before they spoke; they had more empathy and less judgement; and they were more objective and inquisitive. But knowing that old habits die hard, in the mean-time, I will heed the advice of Mahatma Gandhi, and I will continue to be the change that I wish to see in the world; even though I may not see my friends again.