"Can I Borrow From You? I'll Pay You Back Next Week"

It wasn't easy. He came to me with a sad story. He had a traffic violation for speeding and neglected to pay the fine. Now he had a notice to appear in court and didn't have enough money to pay anything. Could I please lend him the money and he will payback me when he gets paid next week.

I paid his fine with my credit card. But I learned that he had already taken an advance on the pay check and spent it. So he would not actually be able to pay me back next week and he knew that when he approached me. He lied to his friend (me) to get money.

I became very angry. Not about the money as much as about the lying. "What kind of friend is this?" I stopped payment on my credit card. Evidently he managed to find someone else to give him money. He didn't apologize or show any embarrassment. His attitude was, "You're overreacting. After all it is just money."

Unfortunately that ended the friendship, I had seen something in his character that was a huge red flag. He was not good at his word. He was prone to lying and cheating others. With a friend like that who needs enemies?

I didn't consider that it was my duty to try to instruct him on anything. He is an adult and surely knows right from wrong. He just chose the wrong thing. That's "his" problem. Perhaps my ending the friendship could serve to illustrate to him the results of his actions and in the future he might not lie like that. Or maybe he is just going to stay the same and do the same thing over and over to others. I do wish him well and hope he can get free from doing this.

I have had similar experiences with other friends. Not as dramatic as this. They tend to forget to repay and I have to go begging to them, "When can I have my money?" The friendship becomes very strained. And is often irreparable. So.... to say "no" to lending is to say "yes" to the friendship.

What I learned. As the old saying goes:
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be." Just don't do it.

"I wish I could help you, but I just don't have it." (to lend) "I hope your situation gets resolved quickly."

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