communication

“IF YOU were to somehow find out that your parents were going to die tomorrow, what would you most want to tell them today?” That was a question put to hundreds of children in the United States. Rather than focusing on any existing problems and differences that might have been troubling them, some 95 percent said that they would tell their parents: “I’m sorry” and “I love you so much.”—For Parents Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice.
Generally, children love their parents, and parents love their children. Although parents and children yearn to be close to one another, communication is sometimes difficult. Even when conversation may otherwise be frank and open, why are some topics avoided entirely? What are some barriers to good communication? How may they be overcome?

Do not let distractions and isolation hinder communication within your family
‘BUY OUT’ TIME TO COMMUNICATE

Many families find that it is difficult to have enough time for meaningful communication.

Some families agree to limit television viewing or computer use. Others strive to have at least one meal together each day. And what a fine opportunity the arrangement of family worship offers for parents and children to draw close to one another and discuss spiritual matters calmly! Setting aside an hour or so a week for this purpose is a good start, but more is needed to open the door to deep conversation. For that, regular and frequent communication is a must. Doing so can make a great difference in his or her day.
Some parents have been able to make changes in their lifestyle to spend more time with their young ones by working from home or taking up part-time jobs even it means getting less pay by the end of the month.
BE “SWIFT ABOUT HEARING”

After conducting many interviews with young people, the authors of the book For Parents Only noted another barrier to communication. They say: “The kids’ number one most common complaint about their parents was, ‘They don’t listen.’” That problem is hardly one-sided. Parents frequently make the same complaint about their children. To keep the lines of communication open, family members must listen—really listen. Parents, do you really listen to your children? This may be difficult when you are tired or when the conversation seems somewhat trivial. But what appears to be trivial to you may be very important to your child. To be “swift about hearing” means being attentive not only to what your child says but also to how he or she says it. Tone of voice and body language give clues about how a young one feels. Asking questions is also important. “A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well,” says the Bible, “but someone with insight can draw them out. Insight and discernment are especially needed when you are drawing your children out on sensitive topics.

Children, do you obey your parents? “Listen, my son, to the discipline of your father,” says God’s Word, “and do not forsake the law of your mother.” Says an ancient writing. Remember, your parents love you and have your best interests at heart, so it is wise to listen to them and obey them. It is easier to be obedient when there is good communication and when you know that you are loved. Tell your parents how you feel about things. This will help them to understand you. Of course, you should also try to understand them.
work hard to keep the lines of communication with your parents open. Share your thoughts with them. Benefit from their counsel and learn from their wisdom.
Parents, if you do not want your children to look to their peers for advice, make yourself approachable, easy to talk to. One teenage girl wrote: “All I have to do is mention a boy’s name and my parents get uneasy. That makes me uneasy and reluctant to continue talking.” Another young sister wrote: “Many teenagers want their parents’ advice, but if their parents don’t take them seriously, the kids will go to someone else who will, even to those who are less experienced.” If you are willing to listen compassionately to your children on every sort of topic, you will likely find that they will open to you and welcome your guidance.
BE “SLOW ABOUT SPEAKING”

A barrier to communication also arises when parents react emotionally and negatively to what their children tell them. Understandably, many parents want to protect their children. The times we are living in are fraught with dangers. However, what parents see as protective may seem excessive to their children.
Parents are wise not to express their opinion too quickly. True, it is not always easy to keep quiet when your children tell you something distressing. But it is important to listen carefully before responding. A wise man wrote: “When anyone is replying to a matter before he hears it, that is foolishness on his part and a humiliation.” If you stay calm, you will hear more, and your children will keep talking. You must get the complete picture before you are able to help. Behind the “wild talk” may be a heart in turmoil. As loving parents use your ears to gain understanding and your tongue to heal.

Children, you too need to be “slow about speaking,” not immediately objecting to what your parents say, for they have the God-given responsibility to train you. They may have experienced situations like the ones you now experience. Moreover, they regret the mistakes they made when they were young and earnestly want to protect you from making similar ones. Therefore, view your parents as allies, not adversaries; as advisers, not antagonists and show them that you love them as they love you.

Children too need to stay calm. Especially when they reach their teenage years may they feel that direction from their parents suggests a lack of trust. While it may at times seem that way, recognize that your parents’ concern is an expression of their love for you. By calmly listening to them and being cooperative, you will earn their respect and will establish a reputation as a responsible person. Such behavior may well win you more freedom in certain areas of life. Exercising self-control is the course of wisdom. “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out,” states a wise proverb, “but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.”

So dear parents and children, do not be discouraged if the communication in your family is not as open as you would like it to be. Keep working at it and keep on walking in the truth. Presently, though, all of us do things we later regret. So do not hesitate to apologize. Forgive freely. “Be harmoniously joined together in love.” Love has power. ‘Love is long-suffering and kind. It does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.’ Keep on cultivating love, and communication will flourish, bringing joy to your family.