trying to fit in.

I need that shooting star right now.
Audrey, please look back.
Just for once,
Look at me.

I wish she just can just..
For once look back.
But she doesn't.
And I try to not feel ignored.

Her bag, brands she used to hate,
Shoes, same as Nancy and Sandra, her new buddies,
Short skirt, makeup, a different girl,
Someone foreign.
This isn't the Audrey I became best friends with.

She doesn't even look at me anymore.
Us, best friends turned strangers.
But the stubborn heart keeps wishing,
Wishing that we'd go to the chess club together,
Wishing that we'd visit that same art museum again,
The one where that boy broke a 350 yr old vase,
Wishing that our friendship would revive again.
In that museum, a 350 yr old vase broke
It was swept away, discarded.
Samantha and I should bury the thought of you too.
Our Audrey is gone.

The Audrey that wore glasses,
Swam in chess,
And spoke of event horizons.
The one who volunteered to help poor children in hospitals,
Spent months building websites that never really launched.
Now spent hours in luxury stores,
Partying every Friday night,
Identity lost in the blink of an eye.

What does she want,
What's there to gain,
In doing something you don't like,
In following people who don't know you,
In wearing what doesn't match the you we used to know,
The you that died as soon as we became seniors.
The you we might never meet again.

I guess she got what she wanted,
Ryan.
Ryan and the cool gang.
Nancy and Sandra were cool.
I and Samantha—- no, no, scratch that.
She got her Ryan.
The blue eyed boy,
She most definitely dreamt of,
The perfect definition of handsome.
Played basketball and wore only designer shoes.
Talked to many girls,
But never saw Audrey.
Not until now.

I turned my head and walked in the opposite direction.
I and Samantha are surviving the brokenness,
We pack our books and head to the next class.
It's an advanced Math class,
So there wouldn't be the burden of having to feel unimportant
In front of your childhood friend.

Fast forward to 6am the next morning.
I'm awake.
But I want to sleep.
Just a little bit more.
But that phone call won't let me sleep.
Six times now. Uhhh.
Okay, let me just see who it is.
It's – Audrey?
Wait, Audrey's calling me?
Did she dial the wrong number?
Or…..Did she finally remember…
I straighten up and pick the call.
But I hear nothing except silent sobs.

Audrey is that you?
What happened, where are you?
I ask repeatedly, but she still cries.
Hey, Audrey what happened, why are you crying?
[email protected]
Too much suspense.
Hello? Audrey? I ask again.
But the call gets disconnected.

I'm getting worried now but I want to wait for her. Patiently.
I call Samantha.
And she arrives faster than the speed of light,
Sits on the bed with her head in her cupped hands.
We call her parents repeatedly but there's no reply.
Maybe we should call 911?
We don't know what or where it's happening.
Or if that's really Audrey, maybe we should!

Just then, Audrey enters.
She looks…
Uhhh, she looks like uhhh
I can just give you the details.
Her hair's like a heather
Only that there's no pink flowers,
She looked like she spent five days in a swine,
Body covered in mud
Her eyes complained of lack of sleep.
And her nose—-it wanted to leave her quickly, with the way it was running.
Bruises to decorate here and there.

It happened last night.
There was a party in town.
Audrey was invited.
So was Nancy and Sandra.
They drank to their heart's content
And even overfilled it.
Their spooky brains remembered well,
How to maintain good composure
With a lot of alcohol.
Audrey wasn't having it.
And they wouldn't let that happen.
Thirteen drinks went down between three friends.
And Audrey's bank heard of it.
But Audrey, she wasn't going to take it.
Not this time.
But the cool gang weren't going to take a no,
They wanted what they wanted.
And so she'll have to face the consequences.

It started with a little argument,
That surely didn't end there with the way she looks.

Some moments later,
Audrey's skin marked the streets.
Oh God! What's happening?
Her lips tore at the sharp asphalt.
Her body couldn't restrain the force,
No matter how hard she tried holding onto anything,
And so carried all the mud as it went.
Her hair made sure it caught every tweed.
Even though she screamed,
They couldn't hear her.
There's delight on their faces,
Like they've been wanting to do this for a long time.
She's dragged to a bushy area,
One she's never been to before.
And that dimwit—-as she called him,
Even Ryan stood there,
Smirking, following behind,
Telling them, "Stop, guys,"
In that playful, mocking voice.
Stop my left foot!
Misogynistic fool!

His hands sped through her face.
Giving it marks a grumpy teacher wouldn't give even if you did well.
She had to be rethinking her choices,
Cause what did she see in that Ryan?
Uhh, he's disgusting.
Even in her muddiness,
He attempts touching her.
She realises this and struggles to push him away
But he's too strong.
Nancy and Sandra are at a distance watching,
Giggling like it's some soap opera.
She sights a stick.
One big enough to send someone straight to hell.
Someone like Ryan.

Whack!
It goes to his face.
Oh, he can't believe it!
That's why he has to touch his face two times to see what happened—-Is that blood?
Insert Adrenaline.
She jumps up and runs.
She keeps running.
She doesn't know where she's going.
Oh where's she gonna go?
It's night!
Those friends, hope they're not after her.
Ohh, she doesn't see them, they're gone.
But she keeps running.
How sore her heels are!
Running in an area you barely know.

Her heels blistered and burning.
But she kept running,
Even when her lungs begged her to stop.
She collapsed on the ground,
Panting, holding her knees.
Am I safe now? she wondered,
As her eyes betrayed her,
Pulling her into unconsciousness.
Only to wake to several nightmares later,
Depriving her of the recommended eight hours.

The next morning,
She discovered her broken mobile miraculously,
It worked very fine.
I tell you, these Chinese phones are real good.

And that's when I woke up.
Audrey was still crying.
And we're wondering,
Why hasn't she called the police?
Milady in red was scared.
She was damn scared.
They're rich kids,
What could she do?
For now, she held a pillow close to her small brain.
That had registered a lot of trauma.
It needed a long warm hug.
And we would provide it.

Audrey was scared.
But Samantha and I weren't.
Audrey's parents weren't
And my parents wouldn't hear of high levels of anxiety.
We were going to fight back—-together.
Together we'd get them arrested.
And press charges.

That fake Audrey—-she's gone for good.
She died that night.
They killed her.
We buried her.
Our real Audrey—-she's right here with us.
We got courage together.
We fought this case.
Even though the cool kids tried to win their way,
They couldn't.
The law wouldn't give them any space to budge.
We tell Audrey’s story again and again,
Through sleepless nights and courtroom days.
And in the end—
We win.

Audrey wins.
Audrey did win!
She won for the loss of her old self—-
Her real self.

Audrey's back. Back for good.

And so what you see now,
The picture there—-
Samantha thought it was a good idea to post it on TikTok.
Good girl, now how are we supposed to do that?
Okay, let's just get a camera and put it here,
Well sit here,
And that's all we need, the delighted girl said.
She wanted to capture the moment of victory for Audrey.
Good idea for starting her TikTok account.

Our pretty celebrant!
She learned to smile,
And laugh,
And giggle,
And squint her big round eyes again,
She wasn't afraid of showing her dimples again.
They were beautiful,
Just as she was beautiful.

She knows she doesn't have to fit in.
To look cool,
To fake it till you make it.
She missed being real.
And here she is now,
Celebrating her rebirth.

And we laugh—
Together, like we always used to.

Cheers to you, Miss Audrey McKeenan!