PART FOUR BOOK REVIEW
It has been an interesting month. Started this at the beginning of June, and finally called it to a finish 🥳 .
Dale Carnegie is one hell of a writer and behavioural analyst. Every lesson in the book has been tested, experimented with, and found not to be false. I must say, I have implemented one or two with people, and it works. No heated vibe. If there was prior, it comes crashing down. The person has no choice but to mellow down, cause I am mellow.
Below are lessons I picked up from each chapter in Part four.
CHAPTER ONE: IF YOU MUST FIND FAULT, THIS IS THE WAY TO BEGIN.
People best listen to criticism or unpleasant things after hearing a compliment or praise. It is easier that way.
If someone does something wrong and you have no intention of hurting the person or making the person feel bad, it is best to praise the good works of the person and then nicely say the bad thing and how/what will be preferable to do.
N.B: "Begin with praise and honest appreciation." - Dale Carnegie.
CHAPTER TWO: HOW TO CRITICISE AND NOT BE HATED FOR IT.
Avoid beginning your criticism with a 'but' after giving praise. It shows insincerity.
For example, "We are really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grade this term. But if you had worked harder in algebra, the results would have been better".
What does that sound like to you?
At first, Johnnie might feel good when he heard the praises, but when the 'but' came in, the feelings changed. In his mind, he might be asking himself the reason his parents praised him if they were not happy.
You can say, "we are really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all others". Now he will try to live up to the expectation.
This method works well with people who are sensitive to criticisms and respond bitterly to them.
N.B: "Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly." - Dale Carnegie
CHAPTER THREE: TALK ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES FIRST
If you want to make someone quit doing the wrong thing, the best way to do it is to first admit your faults. That's the only way a person can improve or change bad habits.
An example was made about Mr. Zerhusen and his son, David. He learnt that David (15) was experimenting with cigarettes and didn't want him to continue. He knew it was of no good to shout because he and his wife smoked too.
So he came up to his son with sincerity and explained how he started smoking and the disadvantage it had caused him.
The son stopped and never smoked again.
N.B: "It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the criticiser begins be admitting."
CHAPTER FOUR: NO ONE LIKES TO TAKE ORDERS
One way to get people to your side is to not give direct orders but suggestions. Instead of saying, 'Do this' or 'Do that', give a suggestion, 'Maybe if you do this, it will work that way, 'how about doing it like this?', 'what works better?'. The person receiving the orders will gladly do the work for you.
A method like that:
🚀 makes it easy to correct errors.
🚀gives the person a feeling of importance.
🚀 saves a person's pride.
🚀encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
It also helps the person learn from his or her mistakes.
But giving direct orders, especially in a harsh tone brings resentment. Asking questions not only makes an order more
pleasant. It stimulates the creativity of the person.
N.B: "People are more likely to accept an order if they had a part in the decision that cause the order to be issued." - Dale
Carnegie
CHAPTER FIVE: LET THE OTHER SAVE FACE
Learn to not attack the pride of somebody else. Insulting someone, criticising, and giving orders to someone in the presence of another person hurts the other person's pride. He/she starts to think they are not valued.
Most times, resentment comes in and that alone breaks relationships, even though it's been in existence for a long time.
Learn to praise. If a person makes a mistake, encourage them to do better. We are all humans. We can't be right all the time. If you praise/give encouragement in front of others, you'll see that the person will want to impress you no matter what.
N.B: "I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him… Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery (French aviation pioneer and author)
CHAPTER SIX: HOW TO SPUR PEOPLE TO SUCCESS
One sure way to spur someone into doing greater, successful things, is to praise them, not condemn them.
When you want to change someone, praise. Show the person that you appreciate the efforts he/she is putting in and that you need them to work harder to be greater. Watch how the results roll in!
Look back at your life. Can you remember a point where someone praised you, even though within yourself you knew you did bad? How did it feel hearing the praise? Did you struggle to do better in order to impress the person? Apply that same energy to your fellow being.
There are many celebrities who wouldn't be where they are if it weren't for someone who encouraged them and made them feel special. They stick to the praise and promise themselves to do better and greater.
This technique is applicable in personal lives, businesses, politics, and any other form of relationships.
Praise makes the other person feel important, special, feel specific. They feel they can do greater and greater they perform.
N.B: "Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit. We cannot flower and grow without it." - Psychologist Jess Lair (author, I ain't much baby - but I'm all I got)
CHAPTER SEVEN: GIVE A DOG A GOOD NAME
Let's say you have someone who is not doing his/her work well. You've tried confrontation, threats, and nothing worked.
Firing him/her won't solve the problem. What should you do?
Call the person in. Give a heart-to-heart talk. Tell the person how great a work he/she has been doing. Give him/her praises and let the person know that someone of that calibre can't afford to make that mistake. What do you think the response will be? Of course, there would be an improvement.
Give titles if you have to. It works. Let the person know he/she is special and awesome.
Once the person senses sincerity in the praises, there'll be great effects.
N.B: "If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics." - Dale Carnegie
CHAPTER EIGHT: MAKE THE FAULT SEEM EASY TO CORRECT
Do you know that emphasizing mistakes only makes the problem bigger? Instead of criticizing, try praising the things done right. Tell them how good he/she is. Improvements will be rolling in.
When you tell your child, spouse, friend, or employee that he or she is dumb or stupid at doing a certain thing, he or she has no gift in it, and he/she is doing it all wrong, you have succeeded in destroying every chance/spirit at improvement.
The person gives up.
But when you do the opposite, in sincerity and honesty, making the work seem easy to do and letting the person know that he/she has the ability, there's a sudden improvement and willingness to succeed.
N.B: "Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct"
CHAPTER NINE: MAKING PEOPLE GLAD TO DO WHAT YOU WANT
An effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it concerns changing attitudes or behaviours:
Be sincere: Do not promise anything you cannot deliver. It is not about you but the other person's benefits.
Know exactly what you want the other person to do.
Be empathetic: Ask yourself what the other person wants.
Consider the benefits that person will gain from doing what you suggest.
Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he or she will personally benefit
N.B: "Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest." - Dale Carnegie