A Parent's Duty

I'm a parent to the most wonderful little person on this planet, a new life that has just started to bloom and prosper. Yet, I neglect my most important tiny human because I'm tired and don't have enough energy to care for them the way they deserve.

I feed them, provide shelter and education, but most of the time I don't have enough time to really enjoy life together. I go to work and school, come home late, while my partner spends time with them, and most of the time all my problems distract me to an extent that I don't even think about these circumstances.

Last weekend, I woke up and realized my failure, and I want to make things right. As Monday started, and with it my daily necessities, now it's night, I sit here and write these lines, reminding myself of the promise I made to myself all those years ago when I was just a child.

I swore whenever I was ever a parent, I would do a better job than my parents did with me. Here I am, my shot at it, and I start to understand the neglect I experienced is the result of similar circumstances, only that I am not allowing myself to make use of alcohol to blur out my reality. I see my mistakes with my eyes wide open, nothing is painting over the deep guilt I feel.

I wanted to be a better parent, a parent that cares and embraces the life unfolding in its glory. I tell my little person how much I love them, deep from the bottom of my heart, but while I truly feel what I say, it also sparks the darkness of a lie in me, an untruth hidden inside the truth; a darkness hidden in the light.

I protect, serve, and provide. I give it my all, and it still doesn't feel like enough, as if life itself wants to tell me, "You have so much more energy to give but you're lazy and find excuses not to be the parent you're supposed to be."

The voice in my mind that whispers these things to me, it never stops, adding this uncertainty of being not a good and caring parent. Where do I get this energy from? How can I escape this paradigm? A few months ago, I was unemployed and still didn't have the energy because I was depressed and self-absorbed.

Was it the same for my parents? They worked day in and out, and I perceived it as not being loved and neglected. Another puzzle piece of my existence revealed itself in the shadow of my parenthood.

I will never give up until I find the energy and am able to become the parent so that my child can write a better text someday when they arrive at this point in their life. Being a parent is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I thank the universe for this my call of duty.

Picture Source: AI