No matter how harsh it was, how violent and cruel (some say it is worse than a horror movie) I have moments I tell myself I have had a good life. It does not make any sense and this thought surprises me too. It's a so to say flare up of a thought, a feeling perhaps.
If I have a closer look at my life it's not true. My life was horrible and everything that happened to me infected me. What infects me infects those around me too. I am too much of a realist to deny it. Those who harmed me in a serious way harmed those near me, at times via me too. I can't change the past and indeed at times I feel sad it happened that way, I let others rule me, I wasted the best years of my life and let go of someone I dearly loved just out of fear. Fear to get attached, to (be) hurt, or (be) harmed.
I admit there is not much I regret. The things I did, what I fought for, the decisions made were right at the moment taken. Today I am not who I was 20 years ago. I changed, but also change into the person I once should be.
Altogether I do much better (health included) than 10 or 20 even 40 years ago. At times I wonder if it is because I am older but if I think about it closer I don't think so. My body might get older but the me inside is not. I still feel as young perhaps even younger than 40 years ago. I no longer feel that burden even though I know I am not healed and can still get angry about back then.
It's good to be aware of the fact that I do think at times I had a good life. So if I die I hope it will be at the moment I think that too instead of feeling sad about losing the only dear person to me.
See @wakeupkitty for the contest Looking back Look forward
As I have read you over the years I think I read you with more encouragement these days. You have been ill but to a lesser extent than before and have not been on the verge of death as in other years.
I hope your life continues to improve through the times.
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I will never be healthy but I can walk much better and know now what causes the dizziness and fainting. I doubt that will cure but I have a better life today although it's hard to sit, lay down.
I regret believing the doctors, taking that much meds through my life. They harmed me but I am glad I still do without today.
I take life slower today. Soon my children can take care of themselves and my job is done. 🍀♥️
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I doubt you believe anyone hehehe specifically doctors.
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I trust myself what I feel most. I grew up between doctors I know enough, experienced enough. The past years are proof again of how manipulative doctors are. Trust me they will be replaced by AI. With us hospitals are closing, doctors hardly work everything is online.
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Thank you for joining this contest.
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