...Despite myself, my strong emotions for Jeff knocked off all my resolve to let him be. I was overwhelmed with hurt, fear, worry and desire at the same time.
I couldn't help but hope that he was not in any trouble. Another thing I feared and hoped against was a the possibility that he no longer loved me.
With a million emotions to deal with, I called his number countless times until his contact became the only one on my call log. After the umpteenth call did not connect, I tossed the phone aside and allowed the tears queued up in my ducts to pour freely.
Moments later, a red moist eyes and a coiled up posture in bed told the tales of the many cracks in my heart.
It was late and I couldn't leave my house by that time to go anywhere. But I was so desperate to see Jeff, I needed to look into his eyes to find the answers I sought. I prayed for the evening to fast-forward into night until sleep would put me out of my misery.
I couldn't eat my dinner that night even though I had grown very weak. I had to use indigestion as an excuse to cover up my loss of appetite.
I could still recall the worried look on my mother's face as she observed me that evening. If only I could unburden to her, but it was much more safer to swallow my pain alone. Mine was a conservative Southern Nigerian home and 'God forbid' that I was already involved in a romantic relationship at nineteen.
At that age, there were certain expectations from a daughter, and love/romance wasn't remotely part of it.
I had to cry myself to sleep and hoped the morning would bring respite.
With the little period of sleep I could manage, I had woken up uncharacteristically too early. I was greeted with a missed call and an unread msg symbol on my phone. My heart leaped with hope, anticipating it was from Jeff. But my excitement drowned fast as I discovered the call was from my younger brother and the message had come from my mobile-network service provider.
After several attempts to call Jeff failed again, I pushed myself out of bed to begin my day. I forced myself through the whole chores I was responsible for. Adding to my emotional exhaustion was the physical weekness that resulted from my loss of appetite. With every effort I made towards doing my bit that morning, the harder it became accommodating the gloominess that had coated my mood.
I couldn't account for any of the moments that passed for the entire hour it took me to get to Jeff's house. I was absentminded all through the journey that I almost forgot to pay my bus fare when I dropped off at his street junction.
I arrived at his apartment some few minutes to 11am. My heart pounding heavily as I noticed the locked padlock hanging on the bolt end of his metal protector frame. Each apartment in the large compound had their own metal protector to ensure individual privacy and safety.
I tapped the padlock against the metal protector to announce my presence just incase he was inside, even though I was quite convinced he was away. I repeated the action a couple of times until it became certain he wasn't home. Good thing I had his spare key as one of his neighbors was already coming to check whom it was impeding their peace as I made my way into his apartment.
Once inside, I could feel an aura that spoke volumes of the distance that had invaded our romantic space. The place felt cold and deserted, like anyone barely lived there. And once again, the jitters from the previous evening resumed its menace on my petite frame.
Funny how I had looked forward to the holiday break even before we wrote the just concluded semester exams. Apart from the moments I needed to read, I was mostly engulfed in my world of fantasy. I would mentally replay all my fond moments with Jeff, which was almost all of our time together as none was devoid of fond memories.
I had also imagined all the new memories we'll make; those were some of my happiest moments. My roommates usually teased anytime they found me lost in my fantasies. They would describe my facial expression before they had to intercept my 'astronomical trip' and bring me back to earth.
I remember how I had hurriedly packed my things and headed for home the very day I wrote my last course exam. Even the end of semester party other students were looking forward to did not excite me. All the other fun social events that usually kept students on campus several days into the holidays were a bore compared to how being with Jeff made me feel. Such was the euphoria I was looking to replicate in reality until I was rudely awakened by the new Jeff.
Completing my baking and culinary lessons was another thing I had intended to see done during my break period, but that started looking unlikely too. I usually spent my mornings helping my mother prepare the food she sells in her restaurant.
Normally, I would accompany her to help her sell alongside her sale's girls until I had to enroll for catering classes so I could be "more useful to her business" as she had said. But following the course of events since I returned, I had boycotted the entire thing.
My emotional situation had altered my usual routine. I was expected to resume at the catering training center every morning but that wasn't happening. Instead, after helping my mom in the morning, I would crawl back to my bed once she left the house. She was usually the last to leave the house since my two younger siblings left for school quite early. I had another sibling who wasn't living with us at the time. He lived with an uncle and had lived there since our father passed on, some three years back. And so I had kept that routine for the past week. I wasn't sure if that was a good way to deal with my hurt but I was grateful for the luxury of isolation.
And that was how I was able to feed my despair on solitude.
My romance with jeff had been blissful from inception. The love we shared was nothing short of intoxicating. It wasn't like the dramatic tales my friends usually relayed anytime they shared stories of their romantic experiences. I was scared from the stories I had heard until I met Jeff. We got acquainted first as casual friends before we mutually warmed up to each other.
He was such a warm person and exuded so much sweetness that it was almost impossible not to fall for him. Everyone loved him and that scared me initially until I realized he was truly loyal to me.
We had dated for five months before things had suddenly gone south. What was worse was the fact that I couldn't decipher what had gone wrong. We never fought or had protracted disagreements, so there was really no warning of an impending decline in our romance.
A noise from Jeff's compound juggled me out of my thoughts. I strained my ears to unravel what looked like an argument between several persons. The incident seemed quite distant so I could only hear faintly. I walked towards the window and parted the blinds enough to get a clear view of the perimeter around the window but there was nothing in sight...
The story continues...