“We can’t celebrate Father’s Day anymore, our Dad has died.” This is such an incorrect statement that I need to tell you about all the exciting prospects that you can partake in on this day — whether or not you have a living father!
Create your own celebration that will be special for the child. Ignoring the day allows for the child to realize something is missing in their life. As the only parent, create an experience that says “We rock — just the way we are!” Create an event or a ritual that can be repeated from year to year that celebrates what you currently have.
I am a child who lost her father at the age of 7. I grew up not celebrating Father’s Day. However, my mother put in place events that allowed me to feel normal and appreciate life. When my dad died just before Halloween, my mother made sure that I still celebrated Halloween in the way that we did every year in our neighborhood.
The young woman across the street (who also babysat me) was hired to take me out in my wonderful elaborate costume that my mother forced herself to make even in the shock of my father’s sudden massive heart attack. I still remember that Halloween is a good time — and it's 50 years later!
It is important to create traditions that are meaningful and appropriate for your family. Look for positives and things that are working out right in your lives and in the family and focus on them on this day.
If it is hard for you to do this because of a tragedy, keep your mind on the impact you can have on your child by modeling a positive attitude and an understanding of how things can be good.
As someone who helps people with funeral plans, I have spent a lot of time with people who are mourning and with them in their lives afterward. My own experiences as well as theirs have given me insight into what can help a person be more than just a survivor.
These experiences have helped me to see how people can grow and thrive and enjoy their lives to the fullest with rich tradition and healthy attitudes and activities.
If dad has died, you might want to have a special celebration to remember him. Some people wear a white rose for their deceased father on the day. If he is buried in a cemetery or has a place that memorializes him, the family could visit and take flowers. Making his favorite meal and sharing it is another way to remember his memory. The children could also:
Write a letter to dad
Create a garden stepping stone with his name on it
Eat his favorite meal
Do something that he loved to do on that day: go to a ball game, build a birdhouse, eat hot dogs in the park, go for a bike ride, etc.
Father’s day is about honoring the men in your life that have contributed to your growth, education, happiness, and well-being. It does not have to be just about a biological father.
Have a dinner for people that have made a difference in your child’s life: have your child/children make dessert, place cards, and any other aspects that they enjoy doing.
If dinner doesn’t work for the guest of honor, have lunch, or afternoon BBQ, or create a card and deliver it. The card can include a thank you for the things that the child has appreciated from this person throughout the year. One child I know wrote a card and in it drew a Ferris wheel and said “thanks for taking me to the fair”.
On Father’s Day, do something special with the child such as:
Create a special meal together to celebrate family
Play a game together
Go for a trip by car, bus, or rollerblade! Take a walk through a special area of your city or country.
Eat ice cream
Build a thankfulness garden. Plant lettuce, marigolds, tomatoes, and peas.
Make a poster for the fridge that shows the family as it is and says “We rock!”
Have a special meal that each person contributes to just as each person contributes to the family
If there is a grandfather, uncle, or special friend, invite them to participate
Make cards for each other in the family. Tell each other what is special about them. (One family I know created this tradition several years ago. The children keep a list of things that they will include in the card for each year).
Make a card for the mother that does both father and mother duties
Encourage your child to understand that when there is only one parent, the other parent and family members pick up the roles and then celebrate this fact.
Don’t be afraid to have balloons, hot dogs, ice cream, and even goody bags.
May you have a positive and meaningful father’s day with your family or close friends surrounding you.
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