Listen More, Talk Calmly

A few nights ago, I was talking with a friend of mine on phone. She kept talking and talking without even hearing what I had to say. At a point, it was beginning to look like a broadcast and no longer a communication. Funny enough, some of the questions she asked were already inside what I said and wanted to say, but she would not just listen. That was when I realized that the act of listening is a very important aspect of communication which a lot of people have not mastered yet. In an effective communication, it is not just about talking, you need to understand the message behind the words, but you can only understand if you have listened.

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To be very clear, listening is very different from just hearing. You can hear someone speak and know that they are saying something, but if you do not listen, you may not pick the content of what they are saying. Imagine in a telephone conversation for example and the two people involved are talking at the same time, how will they hear what they are saying? In fact, it will become more like a noise than a discussion. But when one person listens and the other person talks, and vice versa, the message of the discussion will be passed and both of them will understand themselves.

Even after you have listened and want to talk, you have to learn how to do it calmly. Trust me, there is a way you will talk and you will still end up not passing any message but angering the person listening to you. So learn to talk with calmness and let there be a connection between you and the person you are talking to. More so, I have realized that when you talk calmly, you appear more confident and you command respect. People will assume you know what you are saying when you present it with calmness than when you are rushing it at the top of your voice. In addition, it follows the ethics of modern communication skills to talk with civility and with good etiquette.

It is also worthy to note that listening and talking calmly facilities empathy. By empathy, I mean understanding people's feelings, point of view, seeing things from their perspective, and being in their shoes. All these will help to build the required connections during communication. You need to know that effective communication is not just about speaking and hearing but building connections between the parties involved. This is why, there is a point at which you will communicate with words and the recipient will respond with "I see." Not literally seeing the words you are speaking, but it is figurative way of saying that your words have become very clear and understandable.

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Another point to take note of is that while you master the act of listening more and talking calmly, you tend to consolidate more on the other non-verbal cues of communication. You will agree with me that there are messages that can comfortably be passed on without saying a single word but through body expressions, facial reactions, etc. When you master the act of listening, you will know when to use non-verbal tools and how how to use them. Of course, there are positive way to use them, which you should concentrate on. And there are negative ways too like; rolling of the eyes, unnecessary winking, etc, which should be minimized or totally avoided.

One of the things you achieve by listening is that it helps you to process information better in your brain before talking. That is, you are listening to understand, then process the information, and then know what to say and how to say it. After listening and absorbing what someone is saying, the right thing should be to pause for a while to think about what your response will be. Do not be too quick to respond or react on the spot without understanding the effects and consequences of your response. Remember that one single bad response can paint you in bad light, so you should take caution. More so, giving a well-thought-out response will prove to the speaker that you have indeed understood what is said.

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