Getting in Our Own Way: The "Boxes" and "Fences" We Place Around Ourselves

A few weeks ago, I was having an email exchange with a friend from "way back" and we were catching up on what we've been doing with our lives.

Spring blooms...

Not long ago — around the time the Covid lockdowns first came into effect — my friend decided to take a "leap of faith" and go into business for herself... since she was stuck at home so much of the time, anyway, and the company she worked for as an office manager "wasn't sure" how many people they would need to come back to work, once restrictions were eased.

Anyway, we got to talking about the many ways we either outright sabotage ourselves, or — at the very least — get in our own way when trying start things we know we really want to do... and yet lack some element of courage to get going with.

Don't get me wrong... I'll be the first to admit that change is always a bit scary!

But sometimes we put up "fences" between us and what we really want. No, not literally, but we make declarations we believe to be true, not because they are true, but because they serve as excuses and rationalizations.

For example, I knew I wanted to be self-employed in a work-from-home business as early as the mid-1990s, but I put up a "fence" called "I lack the discipline to keep up with the paperwork end of working for myself" as an excuse for not getting started.

Alongside that, I also put myself in a neat little "box" called "I'm not that ambitious!" I leaned on that particular angle of being somewhat lazy for several years.

My friend had kept herself from getting started for a half-dozen years with the limitation "I'm not well organized enough!" until she recently realized that she's quite well organized in pretty much all aspects of her life, so why would she suddenly have a case of being dis-organized when starting her own business?

Mrs. Denmarkguy is more the formal counselor/therapist in the family, and we have talked about things like these, from time to time.

Most of the time, when we get in our own way it's because we fear something. The funny thing is, the self-sabotaging behavior tends to show up most when we're considering something we really care deeply about. The problem? Investing ourselves fully in something we truly have dreamed about exposes us to the possibility that we might fail at it... and it's much easier to face failure in something we don't care so much about than something that means a lot to us.

We humans are pretty amazing, in terms of the fears and insecurities we cling to. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being undeserving. Fear that our expertise is actually a fraud ("impostor syndrome"). Fear of success — yes, that's really a thing.

One of my own "fences" over the years was not committing to being a writer "because my ADHD makes it difficult to focus." Which is, of course, patent nonsense... I've been blogging practically every day for over twenty years!

How do we get over it? Well, the first step is simply being aware of how and when we place these restrictions on ourselves. In many cases, that solves most of the problem... when we observe what we're doing, we also recognize that we're basically telling ourselves lies!

And remember: A lot of the things we dream of doing are no "givens," they are definite "challenges." There's no more or less promise that it'll be any more successful and/or easy than any other thing we undertake. But because we care, we'll be less likely to give up!

Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend!

How about YOU? Are there ways you get — or have gotten — in your own way? Are there stories you have told yourself that prevent you from doing something you really want? Are they TRUE? Or are you using them to stop yourself from getting something you really want? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — NOT A CROSSPOST!!!)
Created at 20210402 23:37 PDT
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