Pretty much everybody on the planet has been "wounded" in some way.
We might not like to think of it in those terms, but we basically "take on damage" almost as soon as we pop out of the womb. Something happens that strongly does not align with what we were hoping for, and we're hurt.
In the vast majority of cases we shake it off and move forward, undeterred. But we do "learn" from our experiences. That's a natural part of the human experience... if we didn't learn, we'd keep burning our hands on the hot stove, no?
But sometimes, not all is well.
There are situations — often lasting months and years — in which we are gradually worn down by some pervasive situation in our world that makes us gradually feel "less than." Because it's a very slow process... like a rivulet of water wearing a groove in a rock... we might not even be aware that it's happening.
We often end up with these unexpected "grooves" in our psyches during our upbringings; or maybe during long term relationships that took an unfortunate turn.
The trauma we are exposed to during some truly horrible event — maybe witnessing the murder of a parent or loved one — is quite different from the trauma of someone (for example) belittling you ever so slightly every day for years and years.
The world tends to get why we're not quite ourselves as a result of the former... most people can truly empathize... but not so much why we have a lasting wound — leading to current unhealthy choices — as a result of a parent telling us how "dumb and clumsy" we are, every day for 15 years. We're perhaps told that it is "done" and that we just need to "get over ourselves."
I write these words as someone who has been through this scenario. And I can tell you that it can be very confusing, to leave home at age 18 with the sense that you have no real value to the world, and you should "feel grateful" if someone is actually willing to cross the street to pee on you if you're on fire.
Bridging the Heart-Mind Gap
The confusing part I just mentioned refers to the fact I you can intellectually understand that you're intelligent and capable and educated to some degree... and you know it's true, but your heart doesn't feel it.
So what?
The problem is that it can lead you down a path of perpetually underselling yourself in situations because you don't believe you actually deserve good things in your life. After all, you were "trained" to believe that you weren't good enough.
If some of this rings true with you, but you don't feel it entirely applies... ask yourself how often you've felt "underqualified" to do something you were actually OVER-qualified to do. Ask yourself if you've ever taken an exam, gotten the highest score, yet remained convinced you were an "average" student, at best.
When we feel "not good enough," we are basically feeling undeserving, and one of the worst places it can spill over into is our relationships... because we end up choosing people don't make us happy, because we don't feel like we're "good enough" to have great relationships.
Some people compensate by becoming overachievers, trying to do so much to convey a sense of worthiness... even while feeling deeply insecure and lacking inside.
Often, the only real "fix" to break the pattern is to come across someone who truly loves us unconditionally and can help us rebuild our belief in ourselves without judgment... but the irony is that we're unlikely to allow such a person into our lives because we don't feel that we are "good enough" to have a relationship with such a person.
Sadly, I don't have a "quick and easy fix" for you. Usually, we reach some "crisis point" that pushes us to make a change... something that makes us feel so sick and tired of living what feels like a "substandard" life that we break away. Maybe we get frustrated enough with our "non-relationships" to decide that alone is better than this... and time by ourselves helps us heal.
It's not easy, being Human!
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great week ahead!
How about you? Do you ever feel like you're not enough? If so, where and how did you LEARN that? Have you effectively UNlearned that lesson? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)
Created at 2024.03.04 00:58 PST
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