"Some people are just control freaks!"
You might have heard someone say something like that. For all I know, someone accused you of being a control freak.
Regardless, why do we seek to control things? And what is it we think we can "control?"
I started thinking about this after talking to a friend who was anxiously spending a large part of her day watching and reading news headlines about the Ukraine-Russia situation, stating that she felt she "needed to have some sort of control" in her life.
And watching the news... helps you how, exactly? Seems like it would just add more layers of uncertainty and anxiety!
I suppose most people try to "control" as a way to reduce or eliminate uncertainty from their surroundings. I'll be the first to admit that I also do not like a lot of uncertainty... and it's definitely NOT my way of feeling like I am "living on the edge." At least... it's not an edge I want to be living on.
But — at the same time — I harbor no illusions that I am able to control pretty much anything in life. Pretty much, control ends with what I choose to eat for dinner, and when I go to bed, and such. In terms of controlling other people or even some aspects of the environment? Well, good luck with that!
As the old spiritual truism goes "Control is just an illusion!"
I guess the bottom line — at least for me — is that just because I accept that I pretty much have no control over anything isn't the same as saying that I like it that way!
I'm merely accepting that my putting effort and energy into trying to control what someone else says or does is a waste of both my time and theirs. As is pretending that I can control the outcome of a situation that involves other people. I can't. What will happen... will happen.
That doesn't mean that I won't offer input, and make suggestions... just that I let go of any attachments I have to it "being so."
My wife thinks I always expect to be disappointed, but that is also not true!
I don't expect to be disappointed, but I am accepting of the fact that it is possible that I will end up disappointed. And so, if I do end up disappointed, it doesn't arrive like some earth shattering piece of horrific news. It's already incorporated into my reality.
Maybe none of this makes much sense... but it makes sense to me, and maybe that's all that's really necessary!
Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!
How about YOU? Do you try to control people or things around you? Have you ever been called a "control freak?" If so, what are you hoping to accomplish? Or are you more of a "go with the flow" person? Do leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — NOT A CROSSPOST!!!)
Created at 20220324 00:07 PDT
x389
I always game out the worst case scenario. It helps with decision making.
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I think the idea of being able to control one's direct affairs is okay. For example, I believe that if you are not good with finances, you would do well to keep a budget book. If you like to go overboard with your shopping, you'd better make a shopping list.... And so on. As a means to an end, control is okay. Thematically, spatially and temporally limited and above all: only on one's own person! Anything else would be presumptuous and unworldly. By the way, I personally like the feeling of having no control, but being able to adjust to anything. Controled loss of control, so to speak ;-))
Ich finde die Idee okay, seine direkten Angelegenheiten kontrollieren zu können. So glaube ich z.B., wer kein gutes Händchen in finanziellen Belangen hat, der tut gut daran, ein Haushaltsbuch zu führen. Wer beim Einkaufen gerne über die Stränge schlägt, macht besser eine Einkaufsliste... Und so weiter. Als Mittel zum Zweck ist Kontrolle okay. Thematisch, räumlich und zeitlich begrenzt und vor allem: nur auf die eigene Person! Alles andere wäre anmaßend und weltfremd. Ich persönlich mag übrigens das Gefühl, keine Kontrolle zu haben, aber mich auf alles einstellen zu können. Kontrollierter Kontrollverlust, sozusagen ;-))
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Controlled loss of control... I rather like that way of putting it. In some ways, that sounds like my home office: It is rather chaotic looking to an outside observer, but there is system within the chaos, and I can actually find everything... about 99% of the time.
In general, yes, control is something I would not endeavor to apply to anyone/anything but myself and my immediate environment.
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Thanks for your thoughtful comment! I don't mind striving for a certain amount of structure in what I do in life, I am just accepting of the fact that there's a good chance the outcome will not be very much like what I had thought it would be. And when it is? That's a bonus!
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