Listening is Love!

This afternoon — being the first time in months it was actually sunny and not bitterly cold — I sat out on the back porch overlooking the bay, and found myself listening to nature starting to wake up from its winter slumber.

For some reason, I had a sudden memory of a week-long meditation retreat I was at, back in the 1990's.

As part of one of many exercises we did during that week, we often took the role of "true friend" with one of our fellow participants, as we were learning to "uncondition" ourselves from a world we tend to put up fences and walls against, because it is often rough and rude and judgmental.

One of the things I found so enlightening about the experience was discovering how little we actually listen to people, when we're "listening" to people. Truly listening — with your heart — is actually a rarity!

And I remember the workshop facilitator saying "Listening is Love!"

Do you know how to truly listen to someone?

It's not about hearing every word and tonal change in what they relate, it is — to put it perfectly bluntly — about setting your own shit aside while someone else is sharing something with you, from their heart.

Sadly, most people don't know how to listen.

Most of us are guilty of "sort of hearing" what the other person is saying, while we're actually "planning our response" in our head, like the conversation is actually a debate, and we're expected to make counter-points.

True listening means being totally present with the other. In a sense, it's a meditation — hence, this came from a meditation retreat — because you have to be willing (and able!) to empty your head of everything "you were going to say" and only focus on the other.

It's amazing how intimate you can get with another person when open up to it.

One of the things I've noticed since then is that most of the great listeners I've met tend to have long "silent pauses" before they start talking, after the other person stopped talking, usually meaning that they are authentically thinking about what you said, before responding.

And that's key: They are genuinely responding, not just reacting.

Interestingly enough, you can "listen" authentically in writing, as well.

I suppose I find it easier than many because I grew up actually writing snail mail letters to people. I'd get a letter in the mail — whether from a family member, friend or girlfriend — and I would often taken a day or two to truly hear what they were saying, before sitting down and penning a response.

In this hurry-up, twitter-driven soundbyte world of ours, truly listening sometimes (sadly) feels like a dying art.

There is, as always, two sides to the equation. On the other side, there is feeling truly and deeply heard.

Which, sadly, is something we don't get to experience, very often.

Going back to aforementioned retreat — and as testament to the truth of "listening is love" — we were sharing mutual experiences from our lives in which we had felt overlooked or ignored, and I was the "listener" as the woman I was paired with shared her story. After which we just sat for a bit, and then she suddenly burst into tears and declared that she had never felt so heard and loved in her life, ever.

And she was in a good marriage, seemingly happy family life, stable childhood.

I do believe that listening is love.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!

How about you? Do you feel truly heard by the people around you? Do you think true listening is a form of love? Are you a good listener? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2024.03.14 00:24 PDT
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