“It is quite clear that between love and understanding there is a very close link...He who loves understands, and he who understands loves. One who feels understood feels loved, and one who feels loved feels sure of being understood.” - Paul Tournier
I have always found it rather amusing how so many people are just completely unwilling to step out of their own shoes and into anothers. To look at things from a different perspective for the sake of understanding and compromise. Just because we don’t personally understand something, does not make it wrong. It is just that it is different. Different to our own preference, thoughts, experience etc.
For so much of my life I have been surrounded by people who want you to accept, respect and even implement their preferences, yet when you need or want the same thing from them, you would swear you were asking them to draw water from a rock.
As a younger girl and woman, I would argue this point for the sake of my own defence… especially with my three older brothers - but 44 years later and I can confidently say that absolutely nothing has changed.
“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The only thing which I do notice changing is me and how I feel about such circumstances. I simply see no point in desperately seeking out their compassion or hoping that they might actually “want” to meet me halfway on an issue - not necessarily because they even understand where I am coming from, but simply because they care enough about me to compromise and know that “whatever it is” it is probably very real… to me.
Nope, there are greater chances of hell freezing over and I am finding myself at a stage in my life when I simply look at people like that and say to myself… “you know what - it is not worth it. You are not worth it - and there are far better things I can be doing with my energy and time than focusing on your lack of contribution to this relationship/friendship”.
I refuse to walk through the rest of my life constantly being the one who has to be the “bigger person” or the one who needs to “step forward” or “hang back” for the sake of another person's character and at the sacrifice of my own. I am always happy to do those things, but definitely not at the loss of self.
“A lifetime had to go before I understood - You were not wrong; you were different." - Ramesh Sood
You cannot nurture respect for someone who affords you none to begin with. Respect is a two way street and compassion, empathy and compromise are all forms of respect - or at least they are all keys to forming such.
How many times will a person shrink themselves for another before they realise that doing so, is only stunting their personal journey. It is only a matter of time before the positive emotions you felt are overshadowed by negative ones and then eventually, none at all.
I am approaching the none at all stage of my life. In the absence of people who will put me first from time to time, I am now putting myself first.
“Whether it is a person, an animal, a plant or an inanimate thing, if you can manage to read his mind correctly and understand the language his soul speaks, a wonderful bridge will be built between you and him that can change both you and him!” - Mehmet Murat ildan
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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Even if we tend to be the (sometimes pathological) helpers and peacekeepers of life, we must learn that practicing self-care is not the same thing as "being selfish," even if we are surrounded by a world and people who'd want to believe that about is because we don't make their opinions and life the centerpiece of our existence.
"No," is a complete sentence. And it's also not rude or selfish to use that sentence when we start to feel like our integrity is starting to be compromised by others.
Having your good nature sucked dry by people with parasitic tendencies (yes, I just said that!) is neither pleasant nor "noble."
Maybe that's why solitude — or just the company of a very few "chosen family" individuals — becomes increasingly attractive as we age. It's not about becoming a recluse. It's about having respect for ourselves.
xo
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+1 помощь !!!
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TEAM 5
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