You keep hoping they'll finally change so you can be happy.
Avoiding problems in a relationship does not make them go away. They simply become harder to ignore.
Being disconnected from oneself can make it more difficult to see when a relationship is unhealthy.
One sign of an unhealthy relationship is when one person is over-functioning trying to keep it afloat.
The most important truths are the ones we often hide from ourselves when we’re not ready to face our fears or let go of a relationship we’ve been holding onto at the expense of ourselves. When you want so badly for a relationship to work that you avoid these important truths, they don’t go away. They show up at first as a small whisper, then they grow louder until it becomes harder and harder to ignore them.
However, because unhealthy relationships can cause you to question yourself and your judgment, you may tune out this whisper—even as it grows louder. This disconnection from yourself may make it even more difficult to recognize when a relationship is not serving you. Following are 14 signs that you may be in an unhealthy relationship:
- You’re not voicing your boundaries, needs, or feelings due to fear that your partner will leave, label you as demanding or needy, and/or, will “blow up” at you.
- Multiple friends or family have expressed genuine concern about your relationship and the impact it’s having on you.
- You feel a growing discomfort about the relationship but ignore it or rationalize it by telling yourself that all relationships are hard and take work or that you know the other person can change.
- You feel the need to hide or distort parts of your relationship when sharing with others due to fear of judgment and may even distance yourself from loved ones as a result.
- You frequently feel anxious or on edge about your relationship.
- You are over-functioning (trying to save your partner, keep the relationship afloat, or overcompensate for the lack of effort they’re making) to make the relationship work.
- The relationship often feels like an emotional rollercoaster, you don’t know when you’ll be up or down.
- You keep hoping the person you’re with will finally change so that you can both be happy.
- You don’t feel emotionally safe or secure with your partner.
- You are sacrificing your authenticity for the relationship and losing parts of yourself in the process.
- You don’t feel good about yourself in this relationship. You often feel judged by your partner and full of self-doubt. You may even experience a lot of self-blame for anything that goes wrong in the relationship.
- You notice that after you got into this relationship, you started to feel distant from your family and friends.
- You often feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner and conflict that arises in the relationship typically feels emotionally unsafe.
- Your emotional, financial, and/or sexual boundaries are not being respected in this relationship.
If you are seeking clarity about whether your relationship is unhealthy, consider reflecting on the following questions:
If a friend told you they were dating this person, would you approve or have concerns about them?
How do you feel about yourself in this relationship?
If everything remained the same a year from now, would you be happy or dissatisfied?
If you’re experiencing self-doubt and anxiety about the relationship, have you experienced these same feelings with other partners? If so, are there any similarities between those previous relationships and your current one?
What are the reasons you are choosing to remain in this relationship?
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to substitute professional or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or another qualified health provider with questions regarding your condition or well-being.
His Secret Obsession has helped thousands of women improve their relationship.
And to show how serious we are about helping you, we’ve gone and done something I think you’re going to love...
do you want your crush to chase you everywhere you go???
Just two weeks ago he’d been chasing me like he was a hunter and I was the prize he’d been searching for his entire life.
“You’re so beautiful,” John would text me out of nowhere in the middle of the day.
A smile would bloom on my face.
I’d blush. I’d feel this heat in my chest and this wonderful, terrible hope growing in me. I’d feel myself start to fall…
“I could fall in love with you,” he whispered after the first time we “made love,” “had sex,” “hooked up.”
Whatever you want to call it, it was amazing.
I wanted him from the very first moment we met, but I made him wait. I wanted him to feel like he “earned” me.
But it was our fourth date and we were kissing on the couch…
And I inhaled the good masculine smell of him and felt the strength in his arms…
And I felt so safe and protected and desired…
And afterwards we lay there tangled in each other.
He ran his fingers through my hair…
As I lay my head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat, I let myself believe in some way that maybe, just maybe, it was beating for me…
And we had two perfect weeks before “you know what” happened.
Two perfect weeks of flirty and sexy texts and laughing in bed and talking in vague terms about the soft-focus far-off future…
Letting the walls I’d built around my heart – brick after bitter brick – start to fall.
Twenty passionate texts a day turned to ten boring ones.
And “I can’t wait to see you,” turned to “I’ve been really busy with work.”
And then suddenly, like a bad nightmare I’d had again and again and again…
I was the one chasing him and feeling disgusting and hating myself for it.
And then we got coffee and the table between us felt like the Grand Canyon.
And while he used to pull me towards him, pick me up in his arms and kiss me like a movie star.
He just bent down a little and kissed me like his sister and walked away a ghost.
And I knew I would never hear from him again.
Sally, whose idea of a “successful relationship” was a guy remembering her name after a one-night stand, or paying for the Uber ride home.
She showed up with ice cream and bad advice 33 minutes after I texted her.
“The guy you want, Kate? He doesn’t EXIST. You would have found him by now.”
“You’re better off just being alone.”
I lay there that night, hugging my pillow.
Alone. Just like she said.
Feeling a raw wound where all my hope used to be.
Thinking about Bill who I met at a drunken party back in college.
Or Mark from work who chased me and chased me until I finally agreed to go out with him. We had three dates and then he wouldn’t talk to me and never looked me in the eye again.
Or Chris who I was even engaged to. Who I spent 5 years with, only 2 of which were any good… because I didn’t want to be alone.
So I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and feeling the tub of ice cream rumble in my belly, and the nausea in my heart…
I thought about starting over again and wanted to sob…
Going on “Tinder” or “OK Cupid” or whatever weird dating “app” people were using these days since no guys actually just walked up and asked you out anymore.
And I thought about John. And how sincere he had seemed.
And how you couldn’t fake looking at at a woman like that.
Wondering why he pulled away.
Wondering what I could do to make him want me again…
Wondering what I could do to make him chase me and hunt me and…
Make him worship me the way I so desperately wanted him to
She was right. It was hard to watch. Hard to listen to. There were videos and worksheets and these very specific techniques to use…
All this stuff about men’s psychology.
What it’s really like to be a man. What men really think of women.
And WHY… really WHY they pull away (and my God it is not what I thought at all.)
I felt sick the next day. So nervous.
Like I was standing on a ledge 40 feet up and hoped like hell the bungie cord would stop me from falling to my death.
I’d tried texting John a couple times over the last few weeks but… nothing.
But this time I tried something different.
I sent him a simple three word text I learned from Michael and felt my heart in my throat as I hit send.
And this time… just ten minutes later… John answered
do you know what they all tried????
click here You'll see what it is....
https://tinyurl.com/4my77ss2
https://tinyurl.com/2p87jhze
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