Empowering Women Through Grooming and Self-Care: Still a taboo

"YOU ARE YOUR GREATEST ASSET. PUT YOUR TIME, EFFORT AND MONEY INTO TRAINING, GROOMING AND ENCOURAGING YOUR GREATEST ASSET."

-Tom Hopkins

I wrote this quote in all caps because its importance cannot be overstated.

In our region, particularly in the subcontinent, the purpose of a woman's life is often seen as marriage, followed by having children, and for some, serving their in-laws. A woman doesn't really have her own desires. However, times are changing. Women are becoming more educated and aware, but to be honest, even today, a woman here thinks ten times before spending money on herself. The countless needs of her children dance before her eyes. She might still manage to get small things done at the beauty parlor, but she will never join a gym for her physical fitness. She won't get treatments like extenso or keratin for her hair which are quite expensive. Well I am talking about middle (lower / higher) class women here. The rich can do however they please. I am talking about the usual majority of the society.

_{I am loving her nail colours. My eldest}

Grooming encompasses many things, such as how you walk, talk, and various aspects that education often covers. However, I am currently talking about paying attention to one's physical appearance. Here, people may educate their daughters but are so strict with them that they don't allow them to get their upper lips threaded or waxed. They exhibit such narrow-mindedness. They want to keep their daughters in such a way that if they pay attention to their grooming or spend money on themselves, it is deemed unacceptable. Like how could they? Some mothers even slut-shame their daughters for dressing up or going to the parlor, asking who they are trying to impress or why they are doing all this before marriage. No they should look as ugly and pathetic as they can! I'm not exaggerating really. I have seen such behaviours around me. They wouldn't hesitate to call such girls azaad khyaal, or too bold for their age. I mean I wouldn't understand that why you have to be certain age or status (married) to exercise this freedom of making yourself more presentable and less masculine (puberty and facial hair go hand in hand). I am not even talking about expensive salon treatments here.

Presentable means clean, smart, or decent enough to be seen in public.

In other words, having a mustache before marriage is considered a sign of modesty. I have seen girls with masculine hair on their faces and bodies whose parents are unwilling to let them visit the parlor or use any kind of grooming services. These girls often remain under confident in their classrooms and social circles. There was even a girl in our class with a similar issue, and the other girls used to tease her a lot, calling her masculine names. She became severely isolated as a result.

Such parents misuse their power. I get extremely angry at fathers who are so narrow-minded. They send their daughters to school but prefer them to look as unattractive as possible, so no boy would like them. What nonsense is this?

Times have changed a lot, but about 20 years ago, an average girl had to go through a lot just to get her upper lips or other hair removed by waxing...

My parents weren't very strict in this matter, but they weren't very open-minded either. I had access to basic grooming facilities, but within limits. I couldn't get streaks in my hair until ten days before my wedding.

I always thought that if I had a daughter or daughters, I would give them complete freedom in this matter. I would even insist that they pay full attention to their grooming. After all, teenage years are the time for getting ready and dressing up. This is the time for girls to live freely in their parents' house. They should cherish this time in their lives. This is the time to boost their confidence, letting them choose for themselves what kind of hair length they want and what kind of hairstyle would suit them. Let them make these choices for themselves. After that, practical life begins, and you don't have much time for these things.

I accompany my daughters to the parlor. I absolutely allow them to be as beautiful and as presentable as they want. And to be honest, my daughters have never abused this freedom. They are so well-behaved. They know their limits. They know their culture.

Their is no evidence or edict in Islam that you can't cut your hair. And yet some people don't let their daughters cut or style their hair because apparently it's prohibited in religion...

I don't know too much about Western or other cultures, but here, the patriarchal culture still binds girls with many restrictions. Girls are forced to do these things secretly. This habit then affects their lives in the long run. I am talking about the ordinary, pseudo culture-bound, mediocre families here, which represent the majority of the population. Times have changed, but not too much...

_{Feb, 2020: She has been doing her hairdos for a long time now.}