Sweetheart. I have absolutely no clue as to what you are going through. I have been pretty healthy and yes, even being a fat middle-aged man, in fairly good health. My skin cancer does not hurt, but I know it is there.
You must do what is right for you. I get it. Yet? You have blessed many people love. A great many folks care about you (I state the obvious). If I could take your pain upon myself, I would.
We all have our crosses to bear. Life is not easy. Not a rose garden. I watch and listen to my sister everyday because I am her sounding board. She will not share her physical and emotional pain with many in the family, but me.
I have no words to comfort you. Even though I am a control freak and can not fix what is going on with you. Know this, young lady, you are loved. Never forget that and hold on to that.