Alright, Guys, I am going to challenge you to do something a little more difficult today and then you will have the weekend off;) Today we are going to focus on unsaid things that may be eating away at our mental health slowly. Is there anything you feel an absolute necessity to say to someone that has been bothering you that you haven't had the courage to say? Does something keep you up at night? Ask yourself why you feel that it is important? Do you feel the need for validation? Do you just want to prove you're right? Is it ego driven? Has this been an ongoing battle for you throughout your life...to prove that you're right? If so, ask yourself where this feeling comes from... Were you not allowed to express your feelings or opinions as a child? Were you raised by parents who wouldn't let you cry and tell you things such as, "...if you don't stop crying, I will give you something to cry about..." Oftentimes we develop coping mechanisms and or esteem related defense mechanisms related to trauma or things that have been projected upon us by others such as parental figures growing up, as we've discussed in earlier challenges...But at some point, we need to take charge and stop blaming others and start taking steps to heal ourselves. The only person who can do that is you. No one else is responsible for you or your feelings...We have to make a decision not to let these things have power over us any longer. So ask yourself a deep question of what is really going on with whatever unresolved situation you have in mind and the real reason you feel something needs to be said. In all honesty, we absolutely have nothing to prove to anyone in this world. Is it that important or can you give yourself permission to let it go? After contemplating where this need comes from and answering yourself honestly while being gentle and understanding with yourself, decide if you still feel that this thing is important enough to take that next step. Maybe it's a question perhaps that has been bugging you to ask someone. Weigh out possible results from saying or asking this thing. What's the worst thing that could happen? You may be told "no" leaving you in the same position you are now but at least you could say you tried...Do the benefits of getting it off your chest outweigh the potential draw backs? What's holding you back? Fear? Fear of what? Do you have unreasonable expectations of others? Where might that stem from? Going in with expectations can set us up for disappointment. Would it be better to go with the flow? If you keep it in, is that feeling going to hurt you more than just getting it off your chest would? Decide what's important to you. Now if you've decided after all that that whatever it is is important enough to you to say then take that step forward. Sit down with yourself and write out and practice what you want to say or ask. Rehearse it. But be sure to phrase it gently and respectfully. Tell them how you are feeling; don't go in blazing guns blaming others. Try to say things in such a way that you don't seem resentful. Use compassion and empathy remembering that many people may have had issues in their lives leading them up to this point and that they may not be great with communication skills either. Remember that many times problems stem from misunderstandings and that there's always at least three sides to every story. Go in at it maybe asking open ended questions rather than pointing fingers. Maybe say something like, " Did I do something wrong or to offend you? Is everything okay? Am I missing something because I feel like something has gone wrong and am feeling offputting about it..." Or you know something of that nature. Oftentimes the things that we feel others are "putting us through" actually has nothing to do with us. They may have had a recent tragedy in their family and aren't coping well and we were just taking things personally. We're all on our own journeys doing the best we can with the information we've been given thus far. Be kind and open-minded when approaching others. That way, no matter the outcome you can feel that you did your best to resolve the issue. If it doesn't pan out, at least you tried. Alright, have you decided and are you ready? Then get out there! If you have trouble, count to three and just get it over with... It's time to face our fears. It's time to openly communicate from the heart. It's time to move forward with our lives and resolve our issues so we can grow. We need to treat our fellow man how we want to be treated and also respect ourselves enough to put a stop to things we don't approve of in our lives. There are books and essays on nonviolent communication you can look up should you need assistance. Communication is power. What will you choose? Have a lovely weekend. Namaste, Amy💖
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