Stuff, Things and Me....

snook (70) in homesick • 6 years ago

I never realized how much being surrounded by your own stuff helps ground you.

I'm not a collector of objects. I love a minimal looking house. I'm not talking bare walls by any means but a wall full of stuff is not for me.

I want everything that surrounds me to have meaning to my soul. The happier the meaning, the better it is. If an object ends up having a negative feel to it, for whatever reason, I will not think twice about throwing it out.

Not being a collector of things, when I married someone who was, it became very hard to get used to being surrounded by so much. At the beginning of my marriage of 22 years, I wanted to throw out so many things.

My home in Wisconsin is filled with my husbands family's stuff. The older my Father in Law gets more of his things migrate to my house. My Father in Laws house is four stories tall if you count the basement and attic, and you must as they are filled with many, many things.

I give my Father in Law credit where credit is due and say at the age of 81 he knows where each and every thing he has is. It is all organized in his own way. Organized enough that he found something he bought forty years ago in less than 5 minutes one snowy Christmas Eve.

I have gotten used to not looking at the walls of my house and ignoring what is there. After 22 years you learn to compromise when it comes to keeping family things.

While down taking care of Mom all I brought here was cloths. Cloths I'm very tired of wearing if I am being honest. In the seven and a half weeks I have been gone from my own home I find I miss being surrounded by my own stuff.

Each deer head on the wall, that I make faces at when I'm home, will be the first thing I will see when I walk in my front door. Will I like them any better after being gone so long? No, not really but to me, they are home. They both have funny stories that go through my head while writing this even now.

There is something to be said for surrounding yourself with things in a place you call home. They don't have to be fancy things, just yours with stories to tell and feelings to share when you walk by them at night.

I have had many places over the course of my life that I have made into homes. This is the first time I have been away from a place I called home for so long. I find it very discombobulating to my soul not having one thing around me to call my own.

Just my thoughts before bed as I look around me at my Mom's stuff while seeing, in my head, my home and the things in it.

Make someone smile today. It can not hurt you and it might save their life.

Love,

Snook

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6 years ago by snook (70)

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crescendoofpeace (63) · 6 years ago

I can relate on so many levels, though our situations are somewhat opposite; Marek is the one who was raised to be quite neat and tidy, whereas I was raised by two packrats, inherited from both of them, and inherited from my packrat sister.

My house looks something like a tornado picked up every box in my county and stacked them in my house. I wish I was kidding. And going through them all seems insurmountable.

I'm somewhat envious of your preferred minimalism, even when thwarted. As my former spouse used to say, I'm a clean freak with messy tendencies.

But I can also relate with feeling adrift when away for too long, though for me it is my animals I miss the most, rather than my things.

Especially my cat Bear. He's my little love.

Sending you lots of love, and wishes for you to be back home in your comfort zone, where you can make faces at the deer heads to your heart's content.

I have no doubt they've missed you.;-)

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

thank you for your wonderful comment.

yeah......I miss my husband too LOLL I guess I put him under the 'thing' category LOLL

but yes, something about animals and things that are yours around you........ helps to make you feel 'at home' and relax.

those deer heads........... thank goodness he never got a good shot at the one that is bigger than the 2 already on the wall..... bow hunting is over now so the wall is safe for another year LOLL

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crescendoofpeace (63) · 6 years ago

Yeah, we have enough to deal with with the living animals. Demanding, they certainly can be.
You have my sympathy. ;-)

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adenijiadeshina (66) · 6 years ago

You are right about this. We should be mindful of what surrounds us. It is always good to have something that will surely have a positive meaning to our

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

Thank you!

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katrina-ariel (65) · 6 years ago

Aw. Being homesick is hard. And it's funny how much the things we own become comfortable, even comforting. Sending lots of love.

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

💖💗💙

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enginewitty (72) · 6 years ago

I'm the same way with negative thingies. Cool buck shot😎

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

_❣💙💚

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dreemsteem (68) · 6 years ago

I totally relate. living outside of your comfort and what brings you comfort is SO hard. and makes you sooooo appreciative of the things that you have taken for granted. yes - i so agree.

it is a season - for sure, but it is a season that does bring a new appreciation for home <3

it's coming.
and then.... you will miss parts of this time too. what a fullness to life we have. so many lessons to learn and grow from. i love you

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

I agree. this is the most time I have spent with mom........ and she is 81 soooooo

but Home IS home and miss hubby too. and my stuff.

Love you so much <3

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thekittygirl (68) · 6 years ago

I can definitely relate to this. When my father broke his hip and I realize my parents suddenly needed long-term help, I had only brought some clothing and a very few things in a suitcase, too, leaving books, music, crystals, and so many things behind, including my own home and husband, just like you. When winter arrived, I didn't have a warm coat or sweaters or boots, as they were all back "home" in another state, and I had to scramble to a Thrift Store to get some things. It was quite disconcerting and gave me a somewhat "empty" feeling, as though I didn't really "belong" there. But, I had to stick it out.

Having been through it, though, I wish I had some solid advice for you on how to deal with those feelings, but unfortunately it is something you have to handle in your own way. I just muddled through it, somehow, as you are also doing now. Just keep reminding yourself of how important you are in the scheme of things, and how much logic and order you are brining to the situation.

I am glad you are spending some time with us on Discord, to let yourself be surrounded by familiar faces and voices, at least. I also hope your mother realizes how very fortunate she is to have a loving daughter there to help her look after things while she is healing and adjusting to her circumstances. You are certainly a gem, and we love you! 💎

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

thank you Kitty!!!

and OMG yes, I can so relate to what you say. You turn around and want to reach for something and realize it's 'home' and take a deep breath.........

and yes, Discord helps to know you all are there when I need sane? people to talk to. You have no idea how much you have helped!!

Love You <3

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len.george (63) · 6 years ago

Take a memento or three back with you.
I agree that the memento/memory jog should be for happy things rather than sad things.
get a reaction, hang a bra and knickers off the deer horns, and see what happens, keep doing it until they are taken down and relocated [in the shed?]

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

HAAAAAAAAAAa about the bra......... he would like that too much :D

someday when I'm 90........ maybe I will have a house where they can go in the basement but right now it's the safest place for them both........... I guess you kind of get used to things after 22 years..... or learn to pick your battles LOLL

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len.george (63) · 6 years ago

only fight those battles you have a chance of winning.
you are sounding like a bloke, that is how we survive marriage [ooooops, shouldn't have given the game away]

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mrprofessor (68) · 6 years ago

In the seven and a half weeks I have been gone from my own home I find I miss being surrounded by my own stuff.

It's interesting to read about your experience @snook. For me it happens this way:

As I travel for long periods of time I still miss home, but when I go back home I feel like I don't need all that stuff, to a point where I think I don't really need a home.

I think living with only the assentials in a backpack imposed that really minimalistic lifestyle on me. Who knows.

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

I really thought about what you said....

and I think if I was traveling for so long it would be very differnt........and I can then relate to what you say about coming home and knowing you don't need all your stuff.

but just here taking care of Mom while she heals from her broken leg and wrist....... your in one place that is not yours and you don't get out........so think that is where it's a bit different.

Thank you so much for stopping by and your great comment!!

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thistle-rock (56) · 6 years ago

I used to have quite a bit of "stuff" around; being brought up that way it is often times passed on. However, in the last few years I have begun minimalizing my life in order to make less and easier housework, but things always seem to creep in, don't they!

Home is where your heart is, no matter the amount of stuff is there... the place where you feel you are you, where you can leave the outside world behind and feel safety in your own shelter. Being away for any period, let alone what you are dealing with, is nice, but it is always good to get home no matter how happy we were to be away!

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

agree. I'm needed here but here I am not me.... I'm the 'daughter, caregiver, counselor and so on......... and there really is not anyone here for me to talk to though thank God for skype at night with Hubby but still by the time he calls I'm so tired I just listen to him talk...... not really the same....

but will miss her and worry about her when I get home too...... but all one can do is what I am.

thanks for your great comment. I read it in your voice :D

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brisby (58) · 6 years ago

Hmm42 (Snook knows the answer! 😁)

Hugs to you as you're missing the constancy of home. It's another part of the feeling disconnected from your life that is tugging at you and I wish that there was a way to make time speed up faster so that you could return home sooner. The items that we fill our homes with have value to us for the memories they invoke and the meanings they symbolize so to be cut off from them makes it feel as a guest. No matter how much you're welcomed and loved by a family member or friend, it isn't your home.
Isn't what you created (and for someone who likes building and creating as much as you do, it's a bit of a double whammy.)

I'm glad that you've so many people sending you love and that you've somewhere to go to, the Alliance, that is your online home as you're away from yours.

Sending Hugs and Love to you!

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snook (70) · 6 years ago

Thank you @brisby and yes, The Alliance has helped in so many ways.

and yes, you also hit the nail on the head in your assessment of what I'm feeling but you were always great that way.

Love to you and so many hugs. <3

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