Dear Diary…..
There is darkness inside me, around me. I know, there are my parents, waiting for me at the dinner table, but I just can’t help it. I know, that as a son, brother, student, friend, certain expectations are attached with me. I know that to survive, I have to wake up , get out of my bed , wash my face and go out to study. I know..I know!!! But………………………………..
Sometimes!! I just want to stop thinking, mark a full-stop to the intellectual , logical part of me and connect to my inner self, listen to the feelings screaming inside me, explore myself!! I want to cry, without any apparent reason; to bring peace to myself. Seriously, It gives a sense of satisfaction to me, like, my inner self gets washed out, like water from the glass is not over flowing anymore, like the tides are now settled…quite!..Calm!..but only for the time being. As I think about myself, these tears roll down my cheeks. My heart filled is with pain.
Everybody tells me that its’ not a big deal to fail in exams. But they can’t see inside my mind. For me, success was my only treasure to boost up my morale, to feel good about myself. I tried and tried, but couldn’t make it. I am responsible for the pain in my mothers’ eyes. Mother! I tried…but couldn’t make it.
This darkness has prevailed all over me. I want to smile like all others but have no reservoir of energy for that curve on my face. I feel that my parents are getting old, but my body is getting weaker, lethargic, tied in the ropes of my gloominess. But I can’t tell anyone. My mates would laugh over me. What would I tell them???....Am I getting mad? . My parents are already so concerned. They expect their boy to be energetic, a man of strong nerves.. oh no!!!....I can’t go to the hospital for examination. They will all think I have lost it. I can’t live with the label of ‘mad’ on my shoulder.
Above mentioned account is from a 26 years old boy suffering from Major Depressive Disorder. Depression is a word used commonly to describe feelings of sadness, frustration, lethargy and low mood. However Clinical Depression is a more serious condition , it lasts somewhat longer (2 weeks or more) and interferes significantly with daily functioning of a person. Depression, like this boy, can affect any kind of person at any stage of his/her life. But remember…One is not alone!!... This stigma, fear of being called ‘mad’ ‘insane’ ‘pagal’ causes hindrance in ones’ treatment. Person try not to tell anyone about the condition to avoid being made fun of and does not consult a mental health professional. Mental health professional (psychiatrist/ psychologist) with the help of psychological therapy and medication help the patient to enjoy the pleasures of life again.
We all shall realize that escaping from distress only works in the short-term. In the long-term the distress gets worse, it creates bigger life problems, and the opportunity is missed to learn healthy ways to tolerate negative emotion or to test if your fears about experiencing negative emotion are truly valid. Let us join hands to empathize with and encourage our friends, family members, relatives or neighbours etc to consult mental health professionals for treatment if they feel distressed, hooked-up, anxious, or low.
Remember!!....being a patient of psychological illness is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign, that the person has kept it for so long!!..Strive for prosperity and contentment. Because, change is inevitable but progress is optional! Because, deep down, in your souls, are infinitely precious things, that can’t be taken from you!!!