Up Your Grocery Store Game!

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Want to optimize your grocery store experience? Want to get in and out, even if you got a long list? Take some tips for Jess and I on how we shop!

Parking Game

Closer the better, obviously, but don't mess around looking for a spot. Just get parked, get in, and let's get this done.

Cart Game

Baskets? We talking about baskets? No, it's cart time, even if we're getting just a few things, we're riding in style.

Start Point Game

We're starting at the beginning of the store, wherever that is. Aisle 1, produce, deli, just keep the same start point and you'll improve your breeze rate over time.

List Game

Lists slow you down and make you run all over the store in different directions to get every last thing. Just make a list of the things you need and commit the rest to memory the best you can.

Social Hour

Nod, wink, tip your cap, slight wave, people generally know what's up. You're on a mission, they're on a mission, and we're all competing to mine our grocery block at the checkout. Sometimes you get a clinger. It's tough, but you just gotta keep moving. Survival of the fittest, my friend.

Routine Time

Crush every lane you have to, in order, and just grab and scoop what you need as you go. Double check your list when in cruise control for maximum efficiency.

Custom Cuts

Look, this is a grocery store. Don't wait in line with a ticket stub staring at the red number on the wall, hoping it leaps ahead to your number, 6 spots down the line. There's probably a local deli or butchery that can slice you up some nice, premium cuts that taste better simply because of the more delightful experience.

Germ City

Hundreds of people walk through these doors every day. At least some percentage of those people are sick. There's raw poultry and meat that people have had their hands all up into, and who knows what other disgusting things you may touch. Don't touch your face or eat using your hands until you wash up after leaving. It's no joke in the winter time.

Checkout Time

11 looks open...uggh, denied. Now 10 is backed up?! What am I doing here!?! Calm down, there. You've done great to this point. Keep your head up and look around. The best thing you can find if all the lanes are backed up is a new employee arriving on the scene and opening a counter. You don't have to be the one that goes there, you just want to be right behind someone else who will go over there. Develop your sixth sense over time.

Make it Fun

Jess and I try to guess the total price of our receipt, and whoever gets it closest every time gets a little "ohhhhh" from the people in our line. It's a cool game and the clerk and bag girl can get into it with you and rush along to see the total. In the end, you all won a smile.

Exit Strategy

Unload the cart by grabbing as many bags as you can at once. You may look like an idiot lifting 20 bags of food, but you look like a champion when you load your car in mere seconds. Ride the cart back to where it belongs like a little kid, because you can. I usually let Jess have the fun. I'll then grab a couple other loose ones that people "forget" to bring back as a sign to others to maybe do the same. Car scratches suck.

Unload Strategy

Same thing as earlier, as many bags as possible in one swoop. It's a bold and risky strategy, depending on where you live, but again, it's celebration time when the car's empty in one trip.

Unbag Strategy

Get everything out of the bags first, before putting them away. This saves you time later, since when you go to the refrigerator, for example, you will have everything you need in your arms, or within easy reach.