Spring Is In The Air-Motorcycles Everywhere

You Know You Want One

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It’s Spring in the Northern Hemisphere and motorcycles are starting to appear everyplace. It’s that time of year.

Lots of people spend some time thinking of buying a motorcycle and ‘hitting the road’ this time of year. Some will even do so.

Chrome and leather is a look that a lot of people want and admire even if they aren’t bikers. But you can’t just wear the leather, you have to have a story. I’m here to help you out.

If you are a new rider, or just want to wear the gear, this list is for you. In more or less alphabetical order, and each with a sentence or two to let you know how to use the term in casual conversation.

Without further ado, it is clearly time for

Big Tom's Amazing Alphabetical List of Biker Terms

1%er: An Outlaw Biker. 99% of all riders are decent, law abiding folks. One percenters aren’t.

Don’t wear a 1% patch on your jacket unless you are ready to prove you deserve it.

Airheads: Older BMW air cooled motorcycles. Hair color has nothing to do with this. Be prepared to answer questions involving slash ie: a /7 Model designation for an airhead.

I really started riding on a slash 7 airhead back in the day.

Biker: A motorcycle rider who loves the lifestyle and dresses for it. Generally a rugged individualist who dresses just like all the other rugged individualists.

Bikers are normally found in or near a Tavern or Motorcycle Shop, Riders are on the road.

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Chaps: Leather protective riding gear that does not cover the groin or butt. Very much look better on some than others. Bonus points if your chaps are crash scarred. Derived from the old west Cowboys.

Chaps are generally found where Bikers are found.

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Dirt Squirter: Motorcycle made for offroad riding only, not legal on roadways. Fast and furious, not for the faint of heart. Falling down is part of the game.

Yeah, I have a dirt squirter at home, I just rode the Hog to the Tavern.

Evo: Evolution Harley Davidson motor made from 1984-2000. Raised stock Horsepower on HDs from 55 to 58. There is a reason HD doesn’t publish HP numbers.

I owned an Evo before I got the Twin Cam.

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Farkle: Accessories bolted on after purchase. Some are useable, most are chrome. Don’t believe the old adage ‘Chrome won’t get you home.’

Yeah, my old lady said if I buy one more farkle she’s going to shove it so far up I will walk funny for a month.

Grocery Getter: A Biker’s car. Used to take the kids to school and for shopping.

I brought the grocery getter because I thought it might rain.

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Hog: Harley Davidson. Noted for the ability to turn gasoline directly into noise without any appreciable Horsepower gain.

HOG: Harley Owners Group. An association of Harley Davidson Owners. Most are Rugged Individualists.

I rode my Hog to the HOG meeting but nobody showed.

Iron Butt: An association of riders who go long. Minimum qualification for membership is 1000 miles in 24 hours. Verified. Riders only, bikers need not apply.

I finished the last Iron Butt Rally with 12,200 miles in 11 days.

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Jugs: Cylinder assemblies or a part of a woman’s anatomy.

That Hog has chrome jugs.

Kickstand: Holds the motorcycle upright when not being used.

If you don’t get your kickstand down right you better know how to pick your bike up.

Leathers: Riding gear made of leather. Ankle to neck coverage, required for racers. Optional for race posers.

When you are sliding along the asphalt you will be happy you wore your leathers.

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Monkey Butt: A painful condition often associated with a long ride. A little sweat, a little vibration and you too can complain about Monkey Butt.

I got a serious case of Monkey Butt first day out and had 3 days of riding left.

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Naked: A bike with no fairing. No wind or rain protection. Often favored by Hooligans, a subset of the motorcycle community in general.

A naked Harley is a biker’s bike.

Organ Donor: A rider that doesn’t wear a helmet.

Look at that. An organ donor.

Poser: Person who pretends to be a rider. May or may not be a biker, but the story is always good.

• What a poser. He doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.*

Quick Shift: Shifting before the motor gets near the powerband. Harley riders in particular like this action because it accentuates the V Twin growl. Or at least they seem to think it does.

He quick shifted into 4th gear before he was doing 30 MPH.

Rat Bike: Built with other things ie: Fire Extinguisher for the gas tank, a wrench for the shifter. Looks like McGyver built the whole thing in a junkyard.

That rat bike was so well done it was the star of the show.

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Squid: Inexperienced rider on a new sport bike. Usually also qualifies as an organ donor.

Like the sea creature the squid can go fast in a straight line but doesn’t turn well.

Tar Snakes: Cracks in pavement sealed with liquid asphalt. As slick as ice when the weather is warm.

I hit a tar snake in the middle of a corner and down I went.

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UJM: Universal Japanese Motorcycle Very standard motorcycle from Japan. They all look alike, ride alike and perform alike. From all manufacturers.

UJM isn’t a bad deal, they have sold millions.

Vincent: A legendary British manufacturer that went out of business in the 50s. The fastest production motorcycle on earth during the early 50s.

Of all the bikes I wish I’d owned, the Vincent Black Lightning is at the top of the list.

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Wheelie: Riding with the front wheel off the ground. See also Hooligans. Sometimes performed accidentally.

An unexpected wheelie with an 800 pound motorcycle is exciting.

X Out: Dead.

He got the X Out from a Buick that was turning left.

Yikes: Expression of fear and relief. Always accompanied by an adrenaline rush. Always.

Yikes. I took that corner wayyy too fast.

Zero: None. Nada. Never.

He had zero chance of making that corner at that speed.

There you have it. This is not intended to be a definitive list, but certainly is enough to give you a good start.

Now go down to your local dealer or hit Craig’s List to buy yourself a motorcycle. You now have enough terminology to not be branded as a newbie. At least until you kill your new motorcycle in an intersection, then who cares? You are riding, aren’t you?

Go get your feet in the wind.

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